Page 40 of Beneath the Indigo Sky

One arm is bent across his stomach, his long, beautiful fingers clutching at the opposite forearm, nails digging into his pale skin. I can see the marks they’ve left when he shifts slightly. What the fuck is wrong with me that I still haven’t said anything to him?

“I’ll get your key now so I don’t have to come by the shop.”

He turns to walk away, and my hand is on his arm before I can stop it. I’m pulling him into my arms and crushing him to my chest. He’s stiff and tense and scared that I’m going to hurt him, but I’m not. I just want to erase the hurt I’ve already caused.

He’s only a couple of inches shorter than me, and it feels so natural to bury my face into the bend of his neck, to press my cheek and lips against his skin until he relaxes in my arms.

“I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t…”

“I never…”

“I don’t…”

I can’t find actual words, so I just squeeze him tighter and hope he’s able to feel what I need to say. I hope he can feel that I didn’t mean to hurt him, that I’ll never hurt him. That I’ll protect him from anyone, always. That I was stupid and scared and confused. That I love him, and I never want to let him go.

Chapter 12

Namid

Jayce feels like anger and confusion and frustration even through the door, and when I open it, he just stands there staring at me. I always knew this would end badly, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready. I’m not ready, but there isn’t anything I can do standing here in the aftermath. Maybe it’s better that I have to let him go now before I fall even deeper. At least I got to know what it feels like to fall in love.

He doesn’t reply when I say that I’m sorry yet again or when I tell him I’ll get his key; he just stands there radiating fear and confusion, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to save our friendship.

When I turn away, his hand grips my wrist, and I brace myself. I don’t know why he’s grabbing me or what he plans to do, but it can’t be good. He doesn’t feel anything good right now.

He pulls my wrist.

He pulls me close, and he’s holding me, and in a single instant, everything has changed. The whole world has transformed. He’s confused and afraid, but there is love. There is so much love, and it’s joy and passion and magenta and gold, and it’s so much more intense and all-encompassing than I’d ever imagined it could be. It’s so much deeper and more powerful than even the pain and sorrow I felt from him when he lost Jordyn. It’s so much stronger. It’s more than I ever imagined it could be. It’s everything.

He’s rambling, and he can’t find words and…

“It’s okay.” I let my hands move to his back the way they’ve wanted to so many times before.

“It’s okay. I feel you now.”

He sobs into my neck, and there is no more fear and no more confusion. There is only love burning across my skin and sinking into my bones and swirling around us until the air is full and heavy and nothing else exists.

His feelings mirror my own, and they combine inside my chest and sweep me away until there is only warmth and cinnamon and leather and strength. I tighten my arms around him, and a trembling exhale shakes itself from his throat to settle against the skin of my neck. I melt into him, crushing our bodies together until there is no space, no air. There is nothing but him.

My fingers trace along his spine as he crushes me against his chest. He’s broad and thick and strong as he curls his body around mine.

He is everything.

"It’s okay. Everything is okay now. Come on. Let’s talk…yeah?”

He nods against my shoulder and sniffs quietly before he pulls away. His sudden retreat feels like diving into ice water. He’s standing close and his fingers lace their way into mine, but I still have to remember to breathe as I adjust to the absence of the warm crush of his body.

I lead him to my small couch and settle next to him, one leg curled up tightly under my hips. His hand hovers briefly before he lets himself rest it gently on my knee, and I swear I hear him sigh into the touch.

“Jayce.”

My voice is quiet, almost a whisper, almost a prayer, as I watch him cautiously. I don’t understand what’s happening here. How has he been hiding this?

"I don’t understand. You’ve never felt like this before. People can hide what they feel from everyone else. They can change their behaviors and smile and pretend, but not with me. I feel Jayce. I feel everything. How? How am I feeling this from you right now?”

He flinches as I speak, but his hand stays on my knee.

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