Page 27 of No More Jocks

I splashed some water on my face, washing away the remnants of my tears, and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw the pain in my eyes, the sadness that lingered just beneath the surface. But I also saw the strength, the determination, the resilience that had always been a part of me. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and headed out the door.

The walk to school was a blur, the world around me a haze of noise and motion. I kept my head down, my eyes focused on the ground, as I made my way to my first class. I could feel the weight of my classmates’ gazes, the whispers and stares that followed me as I walked down the hall. But I didn’t let it bother me. I had bigger things to worry about, bigger battles to fight.

As I sat down in my seat, I couldn’t help but scan the room, my eyes searching for Marcus. But he wasn’t there. A mix of relief and disappointment washed over me. I was glad I didn’t have to face him just yet, but I also couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing, a yearning for the connection we had shared.

The day passed in a haze, the lessons and lectures blurring together as I struggled to focus on anything but the pain in my heart. I went through the motions, taking notes and answering questions, but my mind was elsewhere, lost in a sea of memories and regrets.

As the final bell rang, I gathered my things and headed out the door, my steps heavy with the weight of my emotions. I knew I had to face Marcus eventually, to confront him about what had happened, to get the closure I needed to move on. But I also knew that I wasn’t ready, that I needed time to heal, to process, to find my footing again.

As I walked home, the sun beginning to set, casting the world in a soft glow, I made a promise to myself. I would not let this break me. I would not let the pain and the heartache define me. I would rise above it, I would learn from it, and I would emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever before.

Because that’s who I was. That’s who I had always been. And that’s who I would continue to be, no matter what life threw my way.

19

MARCUS

The ride home from the police station was the most distant I’d ever been from my brother. I appreciated him picking me up and leaving my mom at home, but all I could think about was Caleb, and I didn’t want to talk to him about it because he wouldn’t understand. The weight of the day pressed down on me, making the silence in the car almost palpable.

"How much was bail?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Nothing. A couple of eyewitnesses came forward and said that you were defending yourself," Brandon replied, his eyes focused on the road.

A sigh of relief escaped my lips. "Well, that’s the best news I’ve had all day," I admitted, frustration still evident in my voice.

Brandon glanced at me, his expression serious. "Look, Marcus, I know you’re worried about more than just the fight. How’s school handling all this?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I don’t know. I haven’t heard from them yet. I’m worried about what Coach will say. My football career was supposed to be my way out, my ticket to a better life. If the school finds out, it could all be over."

Brandon nodded understandingly. "Yeah, I get that. But listen, you’ve got to prove yourself in the upcoming championship game. Show them that you’re still dedicated, that you’re worth keeping on the team."

A glimmer of hope sparked within me. "Really? They will give me a second chance?"

"Yeah," Brandon said. "But it’s all on you. If you perform well, this whole thing will blow over. It’s already been proven that it was self-defense, so just focus on your game and don’t mess up again."

"Thanks, Brandon," I said, feeling a mix of relief and determination. "I won’t let you down. Can you drop me off at Kim’s? I just can’t deal with Mom now."

Brandon hesitated. "She will be pissed if you don’t come home."

"I know, but I just can’t handle all her rules. She treats me like I’m eleven. I can’t even have fucking company, and I’m tired of all the religious talk. I just wish she would relax and let me be a fucking teenager."

Brandon nodded sympathetically. "Trust me; I know it’s tough. That’s why I moved out and got my own place. If you need to get away, visit me on the weekends. I’ll pick you up, or you can take a train to me."

"I’m taking you up on that offer. Thank you for always being there for me," I said, grateful for his support.

For the rest of the ride, we didn’t speak. That’s one thing I appreciated about my brother. He knew when to shut up. He said what he needed to say and backed off.

I just stared out the window, lost in thought about the trajectory of my life. It seemed like not being who I truly was made others feel better, but deep inside, it hurt me. It was times like these that I wished life came with a manual, a guidebook to navigate the complexities of existence.

It’s the reason I loved Caleb. He didn’t care what other people thought. He was much stronger than I’d ever been, and I felt whole with him. We hadn’t known each other long, but it felt like he was my soul mate. It was morning, and the sun’s rays were helping to evaporate the morning chill that we frequently got during late October and early November. It reminded me that I got a new start every day.

I knew Kim wasn’t a morning person, but I’d been there for her in times of need, so she had to be there for me. I pulled out my phone and texted her.

Marcus:I’m coming over; I need a break. Be there in fifteen.

Kim:Okay, I hope you’re hungry. I cooked too much food.

Marcus: Starving… Thanks.

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