What if I annoy you / you annoy me?
It’s a legal binding document
We’d have to be affectionate in public (and make it believable) — how do you feel about that?
We’d be lying to everyone we know
What if we get found out?
What if my grandma changes her mind?
My brother won’t be happy
My parents will be very unhappy I didn’t tell them
We’dhave to pretend to plan a big wedding, even if we don’t go through with it
Expense (rings, marriage certificate, wedding clothes)
We’d both eventually be ‘divorced’
I can’t even put the right gas in my car, how can I be someone’s wife?
It seems like I get a lot, but you only get your parents off your back, is it a raw deal?
There’s only one bathroom in your house
“That’s quite a substantial list,” I mutter.
“Yes.” She turns back to the microwave to retrieve her plate and takes a small bite as I cast my eyes back down to the pros. “I didn’t want to miss anything. Laying it all out on the line, Beauster.”
“I kinda think you got everything.” I palm the back of my neck, glad I read the cons first.
Then I start to read the pros:
Pros
I get my inheritance/my house gets fixed/I get to move forward in my business
You get your parents off your back and a trophy wife (I’m kidding!)
We get to hang out all the time
I can cook (benefit to you)
You can fix stuff (benefit to me)
You like my cat and he likes you
We get along already — no surprises (unless you’re secretly a slob?)
I’m tidy and I could leave all my stuff at my house and just bring the stuff I really need
We could co-exist together easily and make people believe we’re really in love
I could watch you sketch
You could still do your thing / I could still do mine