Page 35 of Lost Love Found

“Shh. That’s enough. You don’t need to tell me anymore.” I press my ear to his chest and feel the thumping of his racing heart beneath my cheek. He wraps his strong arms around me and pulls me close, as if he needs to be comforted as much as I do. We sit like that for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to move, until he places a gentle kiss on my forehead and guides me back onto the couch. I curl up into a ball, my arms locked around my knees, dreading what else could be on his list.

“Are you OK?” I nod. “You said something yesterday that really bothered me.” He really is just plowing through this. He’s efficient. “You said you don’t deserve me, and that’s… I don’t want to hear you say that ever again, Elaina.” He’s so serious and I’ve never seen this stern look on his face before, so I don’t respond. “You deserve everything good in this world. I just want to try to be a small part of that for you, so please let me try, OK? You do so much for everyone around you. Let other people do things for you, too.”

I feel tears pool in my eyes again, knowing that this man sees me in a way maybe no other has before. That knowledge sends a bolt of fear up my spine, reminding me that this can’t go beyond friendship. That my heart is too broken to live through another loss, another man I love exiting my life, whether it’s done intentionally or not. Ben left a crack in my already fragmented heart, mostly filled with insecurities and bullshit I didn’t need. Adam, though… Adam could obliterate the pieces that remain and leave me with nothing. I can’t go back to that shell of a person I became after Andy. I won’t allow it.

I nod because it’s hard to respond with words, so I deflect. “Are you going to take your own advice and let me help you with your situation, then? I already spoke with Sandra. She also knows you’re staying with me. She loved the idea.”

He lets out a loud breath and musses his hair again. “I know. She called yesterday. Who the hell are Allie and Noah? I didn’t understand half of what she was talking about.” He looks genuinely confused. I laugh, which feels good after more tension. We seem to do this a lot. It’s a well-balanced dance, and it feels… easy. Somehow talking about the hard stuff, then joking around, crying, then laughing, it all feels normal. It feels safe with him.

“Well, this might mean you’ve never seen The Notebook before, which we will remedy when you’re my house guest next week!” This is where I should have stopped talking, except my stupid mouth loves to get me in trouble. “But no pressure to see it with me, or do anything with me just because you’re staying at my house. I’ve arranged to have the back bedroom ready for you. You have your own bathroom and there’s even a side door in the hall, so you can come and go as you please. I don’t want you to feel like I’m going to be all over you. You’ll have as much privacy and space as you want, especially while you’re busy shooting. I’ll be working in my office anyway, and it’s all the way on the other side of the house with my bedroom, so you won’t even have to see me if you don’t want to.” You had to stumble through the dance, didn’t you? Way to make it awkward, loser.

“L. Stop. Stop that. Of course, I’ll want to see you. Be all over me. I don’t want space from you. Please don’t say that.” His face is a little flushed, and he takes a few deep breaths. I’m pretty sure I’ve stopped breathing altogether. “I just mean… If I’m going to stay with you, I want to see you. I want to spend time with you. Please don’t ever think that I don’t.” He takes another deep, loud breath. My stomach does roughly a dozen flips. My face feels hot. “Thank you. Thank you for letting me stay with you and for helping me. I appreciate everything you’re doing. More than I can say.”

“You’re welcome.” I’m not sure I’m breathing yet. Be all over me. I don’t want space from you. Those words are flashing in bright pink neon in front of me, taunting me. Thankfully, the torture doesn’t last very long.

“Now we need to talk about Sandra’s plan.” He’s looking everywhere but at me. His eyes scan the whole room and land on Frankie, who is laying next to the couch. “She wants us to be seen together before we go back to LA. Do you think you have time to come to the set this week? We can go get dinner somewhere after I finish shooting.”

I swallow, willing myself to do what he did and just move on from the weighty words hanging in the air between us. “Yeah. I can do that. Any night you want.” I smile at him, wishing I could think of a single funny thing to say to diffuse the tension again.

“OK. I’ll look at the schedule and text you. Is that alright?” I hate how unsure he sounds about everything he’s saying.

“Perfect.” Silence. Followed by more silence. Somebody say something!

“I have to get going to a meeting, but I’ll talk to you later, OK?” He gets up, pats Frankie on the head, and I quickly make my way off the couch as well. I follow him out to the door where he turns, lays a kiss on my forehead and reaches for the door handle. “Bye, L.”

“Bye.” I stand with my forehead on the door for so long that Frankie comes to check on me.

* * *

Earlier today, Adam texted me details of when we’d have dinner, but things have felt weird between us since the weekend. I need to fix this before seeing him.

“Oh when you walk by every night, talkin’ sweet and lookin’ fine, I get kinda hectic inside”

ADAM

Your favorite lyrics from today’s song?

Mmhm

Original Mariah or ODB remix

ODB remix, obvs!

OK, I got one for you. “It’s seven o’clock on the dot, I’m in my drop top cruisin’ the streets”

“They call me U-S, H-E-R, R-A, Y-M, O-N-D”

If you didn’t sing that as you read it, we can’t be friends anymore.

Can’t wait for dinner tomorrow!

Good thing I definitely sang it in my head then ;)

Me too, L.

With our weird vibes somewhat fixed, I can focus on reading a new book. And that’s exactly how I fall asleep, a book on my chest, Frankie on my feet. And I dream of Adam. Happy dreams. Too happy, in fact.

* * *

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