Page 51 of Lost Love Found

Now she’s moving back to try to get the ball and walks right into me, pushing us both back into the sand. The back of her body is pressed against the front of mine until she turns to face me. “Are you OK?” I silently wish she’d start kissing me all over like last time she thought I was hurt, so I pretend a little, groaning. “Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry!” She starts to lift off of me, but I grab her by the waist and switch our positions so I’m on top of her, tickling her just a little.

She wiggles and laughs. “Ah! You little sneak! I’ll get you back for this!” She’s softly pounding on my chest with both fists but when I lean down and kiss her neck, she stops.

“I hope you do, Lainey.” We’re nose-to-nose, my heart racing with anticipation when someone shouts, “Get a room!” From the corner of my eye, I can see Elaina’s cheeks are stained bright red. She bolts from her spot, and the game resumes without us. The other players don’t seem to be affected by our little display. Once the game ends, we walk back to our chairs.

“I’m gonna go for a swim.” She doesn’t look at me as she rubs her hands together to dust off some sand and heads towards the water. I’m sensing she’s maybe a little overwhelmed and needs a few minutes alone.

Garrett, another one of my cousins, elbows me in the ribs. “Damn, dude. You did good.” I hear several other similar comments from behind me. Not wanting to entertain my cousins’ comments about Elaina, I grab a drink of water and go build a sandcastle with Liam and Emma. When we’re just about done and I’m pretty much ready to call it a day because there is sand absolutely everywhere on me, I see Elaina walking toward us.

“I thought you could use a special finishing touch on your castle.” Elaina kneels down across from me. Water is dripping down her body, several droplets rushing to the haven under the thin fabric of her bikini top. She stretches out her flattened hand and presents us with a starfish. Her lips slowly turn up as Emma gasps in delight. Her eyes come up to mine and she beams, flashing me a toothy smile that I can’t help but return.

I wonder if my heart will ever not beat a little faster every time she looks at me. I wonder if this feeling of wholeness I feel when I’m with her will ever fade. My gut says no. Not ever.

“It’s perfect!” Emma beams, claiming that Elaina shall be the queen of her castle. I snap a quick photo of the girls and their castle before we start to clear out.

Everyone packs up their beach towels and bags, preparing to meet for dinner in a couple of hours. Elaina throws on her romper, not realizing that her still-damp bathing suit is making the fabric cling to her skin, becoming see-through. When we walk back to our room, I feel dozens of eyes glued to her, but she doesn’t seem to notice any of them.

As we enter the room, a chill rushes over us. I can tell the air conditioning temperature was set too low, and when I turn to Elaina, she is already shivering. I can’t help but take notice of the goosebumps that form on her skin and the way her nipples peak through two layers of clothing. In an attempt to warm her up, I run my hands up and down her arms and she shuts her eyes tightly in response.

“Umm, I’ll open the balcony door and let some warm air in, OK?” I let go of her arms and she nods and goes to the thermostat to arrange the temperature of the room.

“Do you want to use the shower first?” Elaina walks to her suitcase and tucks her hair behind her ears, not looking at me.

“You go ahead, L.” I try to keep my tone light, but I can tell something has clearly shifted with her. Was it one of my loudmouth cousins? Did my mom say something? I need to talk to her. We can’t let this linger. “Elaina, wait.” She stops in front of the bathroom door and turns around, but her eyes stay on the floor. “Hey, what’s going on? Did something happen?” I nudge her chin up with my index finger, needing to see her face.

She squeezes her eyes shut, her lashes fluttering. Her breath is a stifled gasp and her shoulders tremble with a deep exhale as she shakes her head slowly.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispers. She opens her eyes but looks at a spot behind me. My stomach drops to my feet. “All this pretending… you’re so good at it, and I… I just can’t. I can't do it.” She walks around me, sets her clothes down on a chair and puts her hands on her hips shaking her head. “You get to be River when we’re in public. When you kiss me, when we hold hands, when you get all sexy in the sand on top of me. You’re someone else and I’m still just… I’m just me! You get to be someone else, but I can’t do that. I don’t know how to separate who we are in public and who we are when we’re alone.”

She still hasn’t looked at me, so I keep listening. “And I like it all too much. I like the feel of your hands on me. I find myself looking forward to when we get to pretend again because it feels so good. I wonder when you’ll kiss me again and the anticipation borders on painful. But then reality hits and I remember you’re just being River.” She’s still looking at the wall. “And you do things when it’s just us that stirs up… feelings! A lot of feelings. I don’t know what to do with those. I’m not used to feeling this much with… anyone.” She paces around the room, brows furrowed as she pinches her bottom lip with her thumb and index finger. “And I’m not saying I want a real relationship. I don’t want that. But I also don’t want to ruin our friendship.” Her voice lowers but she doesn’t slow down. “The only thing I do want is you. I want you. And I don’t know how to stop. I’ve tried, but I don’t know how.” Finally, she looks at me.

I lunge forward, my arms caging her in as I press my body against hers. She stumbles backwards, her shoulder blades scraping against the wall as I lean in and take a deep breath. Our noses nearly touch as I stare into her eyes, my grip, now on her waist, tightening. “You want me?” I whisper. She nods, not breaking eye contact. This woman is my every dream come true.

“I have never pretended with you, Elaina. Never. Every kiss, every touch has been because I don’t know how to stay away from you. You own my every thought, every dream, every memory. All of it belongs to you. Only you.” Her hands come to the nape of my neck, and she pulls me down to her so slowly that her breath becomes my breath.

“There’s no distinction between Adam and River. I’m just me, too. There’s no pretending. There’s no agenda when I reach out to touch you or to kiss you other than because I want to. Because I can’t help myself. Because every part of me is drawn to you.” Her breath hitches and I can see her breathing quicken. “Do you understand?”

“Yes,” she pants. She leans in, her eyes searching mine for a moment and then closing as our lips meet. My hand cups the back of her head to pull her closer, feeling the familiar warmth spread between us both. I hold her close as our tongues explore each other, tasting the salty sea air that lingers on her lips. A sigh escapes her mouth as my hands roam down over the curves of her body. I firmly grip her hips, and then move lower until I'm cupping her ass, pulling her up, closer against me. Her legs wrap around me and when she moans, I feel myself grow impossibly harder. She feels it too and arches her back, grinding into me, a gasp escaping her as I move my lips down to her neck then to bite and lick her shoulder. I want to taste every inch of her. My hand moves up her body and when my thumb flicks over her nipple, she moans so loudly it seems to pull her right out of the moment.

“Wait. This is too much. I can’t—” She’s breathing heavy, eyes closed and hands are on my shoulders. I immediately bring my hands to her hips and set her down, putting some space between us.

“I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m so, so sorry.” I pant, taking a step back but keeping my hands on her hips. I can’t believe I’ve already fucked this up.

She steps forward and puts a hand on my cheek. “No, no. You did nothing wrong. I told you, I want you, and I do. I want you so much.” There’s a but coming, I’m certain of it. “But we need to talk. I want to be honest with you. About everything.” She steps closer and nudges my nose with hers, laying a tender kiss on my lips. “OK?”

When she pulls away, I pull her in for a hug and hold her close. I have no clue what she needs to tell me, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t much she can say that will convince me to stay away from her.

“Why don’t we shower … um… separately…and get dressed? Then we can talk, OK?” I run my thumb along her jaw as she nods before walking away towards the bathroom again.

When she comes out, she has nothing, but a towel wrapped around her. Her hair falling in wet waves around her face sticks to her shoulders and she bites her lower lip when she looks up at me. “I’m sorry. I rushed in and forgot to bring my clothes with me.”

I nod, doing my best not to dwell on the fact that she is, indeed, naked under that towel. I take a shower so cold that my lips turn blue, but thankfully when I come out, in jeans and a T-shirt, she’s also fully dressed.

“Hey.” She’s still biting that bottom lip, sitting on the edge of the bed. Her hair is starting to dry into loose curls.

“Hey, beauty,” I choke out. Because, damn, she really is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I sit on the chair next to the bed, facing her.

“I’m gonna try really hard not to ramble, OK?” She smiles shyly, tucking her hair behind her ears. Seeing my nod, she takes a quick breath and closes her eyes for two seconds. “I’m very attracted to you. Your body, your brain, your heart. It’s a whole package deal.” She looks up at me quickly, then clears her throat. “If we’re going to do this, whatever this is, I need you to understand a few things about me. First, I need to know that we’ll always be friends first. I know that we've only known one another for a few months, but I consider you a good friend, and your friendship is more important to me than whatever amount of attraction I feel towards you. So please hear that. You're important to me. OK?" I nod again, struck by her words, unsure of how to react. "Second, I told you I’m not looking for a relationship and that’s because I have a hard time with big feelings. I’m pretty broken when it comes to relationships with men, and I know that. So, I'm going to suggest that we explore whatever this is between us for the duration of our fake relationship. Obviously that was never going to last forever anyway, so I'm proposing that when that ends, this...” She waves a hand between us, "... also ends." She looks up at me now and a tight smile forms on her face.

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