Page 74 of Lost Love Found

I scoff. “The possibilities are endless! He falls out of love. He decides to move to the other side of the planet. He falls in love with someone else. We both change so much that we don’t like one another anymore. He hits his head and gets amnesia and never remembers me. He could… He…”

“You’re afraid he’s going to die.” Again, not a question.

“Of course, I am! I’m afraid of all of those scenarios and then some.” I reach for the tray and take a slice of bread off the plate. I squish it in between my thumb and index finger before shoving it into my mouth.

“Weren’t you afraid Owen would die every time he was deployed?” I take a bite of the bread and now I’m full-on talking with a mouthful. “And Dad! I still don’t know how you survived losing Dad. I can’t do that, Mamá. I can’t build a life with someone only to lose them!” I see tears streaming down my mom’s face. Shit. I should never have brought up Dad. I’m such an asshole. “I’m so sorry, Ma. I shouldn’t–”

“Elaina, I would feel the agony of his passing a thousand times, just to have the time I spent with him again. But even if I could, I wouldn’t alter a single moment - it was all worth it just to get to love him like I did. To be loved by him. To be known in that way. To see him shine through my children’s eyes.” Her gaze penetrates me, and with a heavy heart, I understand her pain. She looks into her late husband’s eyes every time she looks at Owen and me, our grass-green eyes perfect replicas of Dad’s. I’m sure it’s both a reminder of the loss she suffered and the love she had. “And I’m afraid something horrible will happen to you and Owen no matter where you are in the world. Even when you’re right next to me. I have since the day I knew you existed in my womb.” She sniffles and takes my face in her hands again. “But I would never let that fear keep me from letting you live your lives. I would never let it keep me from living mine. Your heart is so big and so capable of loving anyone it chooses. You love well and you love hard. Let yourself love him back. Don’t cheat yourself out of your greatest love story because you’re scared.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.” She wipes the tears from my cheeks and smiles.

“You can do anything, my girl. Lean on your friends. Lean on your family. Let us help you get there.” She kisses my nose and leaves the room. This time the door remains open, and I think it’s more as an invitation for me to leave than it is for her to come and go as she wishes.

I reach for my phone to call Maeve and see a a text from Rafael.

RAFFY

Baby girl. I wish you’d stayed, but I know why you left. Where are you?

I might as well answer him. Everyone will know soon enough, anyway.

I’m at Mom’s. Haven’t told Adam yet. I just need to figure this out alone for now.

Adam’s name is next. My stomach flips and I regret the bread I just scarfed down.

ADAM

Where are you? Can I please come to talk to you?

I love you.

I feel sick. Those three words make me nauseous, and my heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest. I take a deep breath before I answer him.

I’m with my mom. I need time. And space.

The three dots immediately come up and I hold my breath.

ADAM

I’ll wait.

I love you.

I close my eyes tightly, willing myself to forget what his voice sounds like when he says those words to me. I can’t. So, I pick up the phone and call Maeve. She answers on the second ring.

“Bon. What’s going on? What happened?” Her voice is soft, but I can sense that she’s anxious to hear what had me driving away from Adam and New York in the middle of the night.

“Adam… he told me… he told me he loves me.” My voice cracks. I may as well be telling her he drowned puppies in the river based on the tone of my voice.

“And you took off.” She takes a deep breath. “Have you slept? Or eaten?” Either my mom told her or she’s a damn mind reader. Or she just knows me better than anyone…

“A little,” I mumble.

“Bon, help me understand. Tell me with your words why you left.” Her voice is soothing, and I feel the love in the gentleness of it.

“I don’t… I can’t… I don’t know. I’m just so scared. I’m so scared of what will happen to me when he’s not around anymore.” The shakiness in my voice reverberates in my entire body and I see my hands shaking, too.

“When? When he’s not around?” She picked up on that. “Why when, my darling? You don’t know that he will leave.”

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