“Here?” I grin, not even trying to hide how excited I am.
“I had a feeling you’d like this,” he says, squeezing my hand. He lets go and opens the door for me, following me in. “There’s a catch, though.”
“Please tell me it doesn’t involve me reading Frankenstein to you in a dark corner.”
His eyes widen, then he breaks into a wicked grin.
“Now that you mention it…”
“No,” I laugh. “What’s the catch?”
Ethan looks around us, taking in the rows upon rows of bookcases filled with books. “The catch,” he says, “is that you and I are going to pick a book for each other.”
“Are you serious? That’s a catch?” I bite my lip, already mulling over several titles in my brain. He has no idea what he’s in for. “Are there rules?”
“None,” he says. “Pick anything, and I’ll read it.”
He leaves me to wander around the store, and I pause in the very center, deciding on the direction to go. Mostly I’m distracted by the direction Ethan headed in because I’m so curious about what he’ll choose for me. I know this bookstore like my own neighborhood, and I can tell which genre he’s looking at just by the row he visits. He slips down the science fiction row, and I hold my breath until he travels to high fantasy. He isn’t much of a reader, so I’m nervous about what he’ll find among those books. It could either be really good, or really, really long and tedious.
My distraction isn’t helping my own search, so I disappear upstairs to my favorite section—romance. I’m not fooled by Ethan’s plan. Whatever book I choose for him will say novels about who I am. Books are such personal things, and I take that very seriously—not just because it’s my job, but because I love reading books. I can think of several dozen novels that kept me up late, reading until daylight. But my favorite books to read are ones with love stories, and what better way to let Ethan get to know me than to reveal my sappy, lovesick, romantic side?
But then I have an even better idea.
I’m still determined to hold Ethan at arm’s length, but my resolve is weakening. There’s a huge possibility that there’s something here worth pursuing. And if that’s the case, he’s going to meet Finn one day. I’m still worried about his aversion to kids, but what if I can find a book that will introduce the idea first—like a love story that includes a child the father doesn’t know about? Ethan’s experience with his own dad obviously shaped his idea about having kids. But that’s what makes a book like this even more perfect—what if the love story is so compelling, it changes his mind about being a dad? If Ethan and I don’t work out, then whatever book I choose can just be a book, no hidden agenda. But if Ethan turns out to be who I think he is, I can use it as a tool to start the conversation.
It’s such a perfect solution to my dilemma, especially since Ethan is the one who thought of this whole book swap first.
I scroll through the shelves of romance books. What I love about Literati is how generous they are with their romance section. So many other bookstores limit their romance books to a few shelves in the back. But at Literati, almost the entire upstairs is packed with romance books with all different levels of heat. They also have trope cheat sheets on the wall with staff recommendations for people looking to read a certain kind of romance. When I can’t find the book I’m looking for on the shelf, I head to the wall guide, scanning until I finally come across a few recommendations for secret baby romances.
Secret baby romance. God, just seeing it named that makes me feel so wrong. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not playing games, but just being extra cautious.
I pick one of the tamer suggestions titled By the Bay, which seems fitting since we live by the ocean. I locate the book on the shelf and thumb through it. The story is kind of like mine and Ethan’s real-life story, except the couple is dating and things have been rocky. They break up, but soon after the girl discovers she’s pregnant. She moves to her aunt’s house in Georgia where she has a baby girl and raises her on her own. The couple reconnect years later, and the guy doesn’t realize the child is his daughter until he figures it out on his own.
I flip to the end, relieved to see there’s a happy ending.
My phone buzzes and I pull it out, smiling when I see a picture of Ethan looking back at me. He’s holding a bag next to his cheesy grin, and I know my book is in there.
Holding By the Bay in my hands is like holding a grenade. I still have time to put it down and go for a more generic romance novel. I mean, what if he figures out the truth while reading it, before I even have a chance to ease him into it?
But what if this is the key to starting the dialogue? Books are powerful, with stories that can change lives and shift ways of thinking. I can’t help thinking of Frankenstein, how it not only shifted society’s thinking about the role science can play in creation, but also helped people realize that ignoring tough issues only makes them bigger.
By the Bay can be my Frankenstein. If I believe Ethan could be a part of Finn’s life, I need help tackling the ghosts of his past, and this book could be the answer. It’s a stretch, I know, but I need to have faith.
I look at the book again, and suddenly it feels less like a grenade and more like a seed that’s ready to sprout.
I tuck the book under my arm so I can text while walking down the stairs.
Me: Just finished. Heading to check out now. Meet you out front.
Ethan holds my hand as we walk to the beach. The glowing fire pits dot the upper portion of the beach, surrounded by people drinking and enjoying the warm night. Every few minutes, a new star appears in the rouge sky. The sliver of moon descends toward the ocean, followed closely by Venus. It’s a magical night, and I feel warm all over, starting with my hand resting in Ethan’s.
“We should probably swap books before it gets too dark,” I say, my heart pounding as I grip the bag in my other hand.
“You’re right,” he says, pausing at a spot and then motioning for us to sit. I clutch the bag in front of me as I sit cross-legged in the still-warm sand. The ocean laps at the shore in front of us, and I recognize how rare this moment is for me. Usually at this time, I’d be up to my eyebrows in projects while Finn falls asleep. I can’t even remember the last time I was on the beach past dark because it just isn’t convenient when you have a kid. I mean, it could have been. We could have skipped a bedtime here or there. Finn would probably love to see how the moon looks as it dips into the ocean, or how the stars look when they first appear at night.
“You first,” Ethan says, dragging me out of my thoughts as he nods at my bag.
“What? It was your idea!” I’m suddenly full of regret. Why couldn’t I have gotten a book that meant nothing? No message, no hidden agenda, and no secret baby?