Page 106 of Gifts

I cleaned until they sparkled and every bathroom in the house smelled like a chemical bomb exploded in it, because when it comes to showers, that organic shit does not do the job.

I cleaned all the way through dinner and since Knox and Saylor never came to me insisting they were about to die from hunger, I assumed someone fed them. I was a filthy mess by the time I was done and took the longest shower possible in my sparkling haven.

When I came downstairs with hair wet, wearing an old pair of pajama pants with a t-shirt, it was late and guilt consumed me. I ignored everyone all day and left them to fend for themselves. My house was dark with only the light on over the sink and a couple random lamps glowing. I wasn’t prepared for what I’d see when I came around the corner, but there it was, like a shot to the heart.

Asa and Saylor. He’s lying on the sofa and she’s passed out on his chest—her arm and leg hanging off the side, snoozing away—and not the fake kind where she just wants to be carried to bed. Black Beauty is tossed to the floor next to them and the minute I walk into the room, Asa’s eyes pop open. From the look on his face, he was dozing.

That lump in my throat bubbles up again, and as hard as I try, this time I can’t overcome it. Feeling lost, I don’t know what to do or say anymore.

“Where is everyone?” I whisper my first words to him since our phone call the other day.

If he’s surprised, he doesn’t let it show, and puts a hand to Saylor’s small back. “They all went to their rooms a while ago.”

I nod, letting the vision of him and my daughter brand itself deep in my soul.

“You hungry?” he asks without taking his eyes off me.

I bite my lip, unable to speak, and shake my head.

He keeps talking like we haven’t been ignoring one another for the past six days. “Knox took his iPad to bed. You might want to make sure he’s not still up. I told him you’d look in on him when you were done. He was good with that.”

Biting my lip harder doesn’t make the sudden tears that spring to life go away, so I turn my head to the side and hope he can’t see my watering eyes through the dim room.

“Keelie?” he calls for me in a low rumbly tone.

I look back and can’t hide them any longer. Silent tears stream down my face. Not knowing what to do, I spin on my heel. If Saylor wakes, I don’t want her to see me crying.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I head straight to my room. By the time I close the door behind me, I lose all control. My tears come with sobs and they can’t be stopped. I don’t know how long I stand here like this, but the next thing I know, his arms round me from behind and I’m up, cradled to his chest. He sits on my bed with me in his lap, and shushes me while stroking my back.

I shake my head in his neck and my voice is shaky when I manage, “I’m sorry.”

His answer is immediate. “Don’t be sorry.”

My words are garbled through my tears. “You make my heart hurt.”

His hand tightens in my hair and his arms flex around me. Putting his lips to my ear, he whispers, “That’s a good thing, baby.”

“What if it’s not?”

“You have to trust that it is.”

I shake my head, wiping my face and nose on his shirt. Pulling back, I look up at him through teary eyes. “You love us, don’t you?”

Without hesitation, he leans forward and puts his lips on mine. His kiss isn’t brutal or demanding like I’m used to. If a kiss could be a promise, then he just professed his declaration—heart and soul. So much so, he doesn’t need words to back up his oath, but still says, “I do. It’s about time you realized it.”

I nod and stuff my face into his neck until I calm down. We sit like this, his hands moving on me, for a long while. I missed his touch so much. I just missed him.

“I gave you what you needed, Keelie, but it’ll never happen again.”

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to know he’s referring to my silent treatment. I nod and put my lips to his neck.

“This week fucking sucked,” he goes on. “I’ll lay the world at your feet, baby, but don’t ever expect space from me. You ask for that again, there’ll be hell to pay.”

“Okay.” My voice is unsteady and I wipe my face one more time.

“You’re a hard-headed woman.” He looks down at me, shaking his head.

“I said I was sorry.”

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