Page 98 of Gifts

“So, now that all the work is finished on Asa’s house, he, Levi and Emma won’t be staying with us anymore.”

I look into the rearview mirror and pain slices through me as I watch Knox process this information. I picked them up from school today so I could talk to them about Asa and his kids leaving.

“Why?” he asks.

“Who am I going to read to?” Saylor whines. “And what about the new book he bought me?”

“You’ll read to me.” I put the fake smile on my face I haven’t had to rely on for a while. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had to rely on it since Asa broke up with me before we even started. That seems like an eternity ago.

“Why can’t they just stay with us? There’s room for everyone, and Ryder is going to miss Bella and Banner. He loves playing with them. And Asa said he was going to get another model for us to do together,” Knox keeps on, truly not understanding.

“We’ll go this weekend and you can pick out another model. I’ll help.”

“But you never have time.” Knox starts to get defensive, which isn’t like him. “You say you’ll do stuff like that but you’re always too busy.”

I pull up to my property and try to steady my voice. “I promise to make time, baby.”

“Don’t call me baby.” My son is angry, but below that, he’s hurt.

When I pull around the bend, parked in front of my house is Asa’s big truck. Even Levi’s Jeep is sitting right beside it. In fact, I think they’re in the exact same spots they were when I left this morning.

“He’s here!” Saylor unbuckles herself and slides out of her booster seat to climb up beside me as I pull up my drive.

“Maybe they’re not going back.” There’s a glimmer of hope hanging in Knox’s voice and that makes me angry. I just went through the agony of telling my kids they wouldn’t be here and now I’ll have to do it all over again. It was bad enough the first time.

When I put the big, honking SUV in park, Asa appears from the garage. He’s showered and changed from this morning, back in jeans and t-shirt, leaving me wondering if he’s in any pain from last night.

Knox and Saylor go running up to him before I can maneuver my way out of the car in my heels.

“You’re here!” Saylor throws herself at him.

Asa smiles down to her and picks her up just like this morning, but has the nerve to say, “Where else would I be?”

I feel my face fall, but he doesn’t notice because he’s focused on my kids.

“You’re not leaving? To go back to your house?” Knox asks.

“Since I don’t have room for your goats and donkey in my backyard, we’ll have to hang out here.” His voice is serious, yet sincere, when he answers Knox. “Got you a new model today. It’s waiting for you in the kitchen, but don’t open it ‘til you get your homework done.”

“Are you still going to read Purple Pretty to me?” Saylor demands his attention.

He smirks. “It’s Black Beauty—and yes. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Cause Mommy said you wouldn’t be here anymore,” my blatantly honest daughter answers.

For the first time since we got home, Asa shifts his gaze on me. His tone changes and I know him well enough to tell he’s angry. “Your mom misunderstood.”

If Saylor knew how to do it, I’m sure she’d flip me off and say I told you so. Knox looks to me and the joy on his face is something I’ll never forget. It’s also something I might never forgive Asa for because now it’s going to be harder for the kids when he does leave, and it was already really fucking bad.

Asa plops Saylor down on her feet. “Go put your stuff away and get a bite to eat before you do your homework.”

Of course, Knox does as he’s told, but Saylor does too, which is a small wonder.

Once I hear the garage door slam, I stomp across the pavement to where he’s standing. “What in the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

He crosses his arms. “There you go again with the fucks.”

I don’t know whether I’m pissed or shocked. Either way, my voice comes out desperate. “I told you I needed space. And time. I just got done explaining that you’d no longer be here and now you’ve confused them.”

---