Page 152 of Illicit

He even volunteers to coach teams that our kids don’t play on.

Not everyone has a dad who will invest time in them. Rocco sure didn’t. But he had coaches who poured themselves into him when he was little.

That’s how this started.

When Gray and Lettie got older, Rocco took on a football team of second graders. It was their first year to play tackle. It was a shit show—at least that’s how Roc described it—except for Vince. That little guy gave new meaning to pee-wee tackle in the game of football.

And it wasn’t because he knew the game or was exceptionally big or tough.

It’s because he had so much pent-up aggression.

Rocco recognized it. He saw himself in Vince.

Vince would walk himself to practice with bruises that weren’t from the game Rocco loves so much.

They were from his father.

It was horrifying.

Child protective services got involved. I was beside myself with worry for the child.

But Rocco was not worried.

My husband was beside himself with anger.

We had to do something. The day Vince was removed from his home was the day we became emergency foster care parents. Vince spent two days with a stranger before coming to live with our family.

We went from a family of four to a family of five in a matter of days with no planning.

That was three years ago.

Today, we won’t be foster parents any longer.

I put on the same earrings Rocco gave me before I had Gray. They’re diamond studs. They’re small, but their meaning is so big it fills my heart. I only wear them for special occasions.

When Gray was born.

When Lettie was born.

And today.

The last three years weren’t easy, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t life changing. I even guarded my heart when it came to Vince. I was afraid to love him too much in case this day didn’t come.

Because I knew if it didn’t, I’d be heartbroken in a way I’d never recover.

“Are you ready? We’re going to be late.”

I look into the mirror as Rocco stalks into the room. Our gaze never breaks through the reflection as he fits his chest to my back.

I clasp the last stud and pull in a deep breath. “Why am I nervous? He’s been ours since the day we brought him home to live with us. Nothing will change after today.”

He shakes his head. “Everything will change after today. Trust me. I know what it feels like to have no one want you.”

I pull in a breath. It’s everything I can do to keep my tears at bay. Rocco has told me everything over the years. How it felt to not have anyone make a commitment to him. He was a legal adult when Brax came into his life. But the agents and my parents were the first people who invested in him because they wanted to, not because they had to.

He’ll never forget the day he came to live with my family.

I’ll never forget that day either.

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