Page 67 of Illicit

The song changed. It’s not angry-angsty like the others. It’s not fast and not slow. It’s about a familiar love and not giving a damn.

And it’s about the end of innocence.

“You’re pissed, and it’s because of me. I don’t like that.”

I grip her hand in mine and swing her around in the small space before whipping her back under my arm. Her dark hair flies behind her, but she doesn’t miss a beat. When she spins around, it doesn’t look like she hates me. “I’m not pissed. I’m frustrated.”

“If you’re going to miss school that much, I can assign you homework.”

“Really?” She mocks surprise. “You think that’s why I’m frustrated?”

I flip her around one more time before pulling her straight to my chest where I wrap an arm around her waist and pick her feet off the floor and spin. “I’m as confused about your frustration as you are. There’s too much good in the world for you to be anything other than happy.”

She slides down my body until her bare toes hit the top of my feet. I don’t let go when gravity takes over. There are no complaints when I slow the pace to the chorus. We’re pressed together as one from our chests to our thighs. I hold her firmly to me, like she’ll slip through my fingers if I let go.

She plays along as our bodies sway as one and looks up at me. “I didn’t say I was unhappy. I know I have plenty to be content about. I’m not Sammie.”

“Content?” I frown. “Damn, you can do better than that. Content is fucking depressing. Don’t settle for being basic, Teag.”

“Since when are you the expert on emotions?”

“You, of all people, know I’m no expert when it comes to that. I am an expert in other things.”

“Right,” she drawls. “Rocco Monroe and the female species. I was forced to watch it play out over the years. It was…” She rolls her eyes. “So fun.”

I shrug a shoulder unapologetically. “Back in the day, sure. But you have no clue what I’ve done for two years.”

She comes right back at me as we slow dance amid boxes and chaos. “Oh, trust me, my parents and everyone else we have in common made sure I was updated on Rocco Monroe. Ignoring you was not easy.”

I push her away for a quick spin before bringing her right back to me, but this time, I don’t let go of her hand and pin it at the small of her back. “You forget that the people we have in common are the only people I have.”

That sends a crack through the wall she’s built between us. “I’d never forget that, Rocco. Ever. It’s why I apologized the other night.”

I press our hands that are threaded into her back and lower my voice. “Don’t ever apologize for that again.”

Her voice drops to a whisper. “You make my head spin, and not in a good way.”

“I feel like I’ve been spinning my entire life in one way or another. From surviving to self-destruction to desperation.”

She lets go of my other hand to grip my bicep. I take the opportunity to wrap her up tighter. I drag my hand down her spine and press in on her upper back. After the last few days, the need to be close to her is overwhelming. The moments I have her to myself are like a ticking bomb. The countdown is racing too fast.

“You’re Rocco Monroe. You’re larger than life. What do you have to be desperate about?”

I don’t know what we’re dancing to. I can’t hear the music or the lyrics. I might sound like a chick, but we’re swaying to the beat of hearts. I feel hers beat against my chest.

“Do you know why I started playing football?”

At this point, whatever our bodies are doing is second nature. We’re laser focused on each other.

“Because you’re insanely athletic?”

“No. I only played football so I didn’t have to go home. I was lucky I was athletic. The coaches were desperate to get me there. They’d pick me up, drop me off, pay for uniforms. Later in high school, I played as an excuse not to be recruited by gangs. The only reason I dropped out was because I started failing classes because I had to work. If I didn’t work, I didn’t eat. And I was fucking tired of being hungry.”

I didn’t think it was possible for us to be closer, but on her exhale, she sinks deeper into my hold.

The look in her eyes makes me sick to my stomach. “I didn’t know that.”

My tone is gruff. “No one does. Not even Landyn. They know what’s on record. They have access to that and are nosy enough to look it up. After that, they assumed the rest. I’m sure it’s not far from reality, but I still wasn’t going to shout that to the world. I didn’t need any more pity.”

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