“You made him keep this secret. He’s probably had to tell his guys all kinds of shit every time they questioned him about you. I know for a fact that he wasn’t the only one over there interested in you, so no doubt he’s had to hear them talking about wanting you too. Imagine that from his perspective for a minute.”
“He told them he was never claiming anyone, knowing that we were about to do just that by the weekend. At least, that’s what I thought we were going to do. Why would he say that, and go that far, if he didn’t mean it?”
“I don’t know, Keys. I wish I had a better answer for you.” Legs turned her head then, tucking into her own shoulder briefly, and when she glanced back my way her eyes were misted over. “I’m not he best judge of character when it comes to men, but I thought Quickshot was going to be good for you.”
“I guess I wasn’t fooling anyone about being with him, huh?”
Both women laughed at me. “No, your relationship was the worst kept secret ever. We all knew. I’m sure the guys over at his MC knew too and were just giving him shit in the hopes that he would come clean finally.” Tash smiled, though it seemed a bit too grim to make me feel better.
I shook my head and then took a deep breath. “I don’t know why I bothered with the secret. Part of me was just protecting myself from looking like a complete idiot when it all went bad”
“You are never going to move past all that shit in your head that holds you back if you keep worrying about looking any kind of way in front of anyone else. No one else’s opinion matters.”
“I know that.” They both looked at me as though neither one believed the words I spoke. “Seriously, in here,” I tapped the side of my head, “I know. The thing is, I heard all the shit the women in our neighborhood talked about my mom for all those years. They didn’t know everything, and still they judged. Hell, I judged her for the decisions she made when it came to my father too. I never wanted to be like her.”
“We get that.” Tash told me as she moved to come throw an arm around me. “What in the hell are you listening to?” I laughed as Joe Nichols sang about Tequila making her clothes fall off. “Why you listen to that country shit, I will never know.”
“It’s the best music there is. Country is all about the storytelling.”
“I hate to break it to you, Keys, but lots of music genres have great songwriter-storytellers.”
“Psh, they’re all talentless hacks compared to my country crooners. One day, I will convert y’all to be real music lovers.”
That made both Legs and Tash laugh. For just a moment, I was able to forget how much my heart hurt. Too bad that feeling didn’t last longer than a moment. Tash was the one to interject a little reality into the situation for me.
“What are you going to do now?”
I shrugged. “Nothing.”
“You know that won’t fly, right?” Tash asked.
“Why not?”
“He’s already bugged Angel Girl about you. I’m sure he’s blowing up your phone too.”
“I can block him from my phone and Angel Girl doesn’t need to get involved. As far as I’m concerned, she’s neutral territory and I’m pretty sure she’ll tell him the same thing, if she hasn’t already.”
“It’s not like you to just ignore a problem.” Legs was watching me as she spoke, as if I were a bomb that would detonate when the wrong word was mentioned.
“Look, I get it. When I’m ready, I’ll make sure he knows he blew his one shot. That will be it.”
Tash scoffed at my answer. “Our clubs are so intertwined right now, and we live in the smallest of small-town environments. Do you really think it’s going to be as simple as that? What do you think is going to happen when you have to go over there and see him with someone else? How about when you’re in town and see him with some other woman on the back of his bike?”
She made good points. Still, it was something I would have to learn to deal with because there was no way I would end up being used by a man the way mom had. And whether we were still or secret or not, his emphatic denial that he would ever claim someone stung.
“I don’t know how to make any of those experiences bearable right now. I’m just going to have to take it one day at a time.”
“So, you really won’t give him another chance?” Tash asked.
“Why would I? He said it himself, he has no plans to ever claim anyone. It doesn’t sound like he’s in it for the same outcome that I was. What would be the point?” The two women, who had become my friends over the past few years, gave one another a look. I knew what it meant. They both thought I was being stupid. Neither of them had grown up the way I had though. They didn’t understand what could happen to your heart and your head, if you allowed someone space there who wasn’t willing to open themselves up the same way.
Well, maybe Legs understood, since her last bout of bad judgement had caused her to lose her daughter to a man who should never be left alone with a female of any age.
Chapter 8
“It’s not that big a deal.”
Tash didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. It had only been three weeks since I overheard Quickshot tell his club brothers that he never planned on claiming anyone. My heart still hurt every single time I thought about it. Worse, were the times I accidentally caught sight of him, or when someone mentioned him and then offered up pitying looks. It made me want to punch people in the face.