Page 164 of Under the Lies

“Excuse me?” She speaks slowly, controlled. Holding herself back. She reminds me of when I told her I wanted to quit cheerleading. Frightening made even more so by the frozen muscles of her face.

“You couldn’t,” I repeat. “I wish you would’ve let Granddad have us both.” Maybe then Harlow and I would’ve gotten along. Instead we were strangers living together, always at odds.

My mother walks away from my silent father, he’ll let my mother handle this until the very end. When he’ll deliver his closer. She walks until she’s right in front of me, blocking Father from my view.

Bending at the waist, she makes us eye level. “You should be grateful. We gave you a beautiful life. Don’t be ungrateful like your sister. When your father and I married, we didn’t even want kids. We just had one because we thought we needed one.” She speaks almost clinically. “Harlow, though, we knew right away she would be too much. Take too much time. So we tried again. And we got you. You were perfect. So impressionable.”

That should hurt or at least, sting. But it doesn’t. Because it makes sense. I always felt more like an accessory for them than a person.

“You had kids to climb the ranks,” I summarize. “Do you really like this life so much?” Where you’re more fake than real? Where money speaks louder than words?

Apparently they do.

“We had you to protect our assets.”

I start to stand up, hearing enough, but my mom pushes me back down.

“You wanted someone to protect the money Granddad got from stealing.” There’s irony somewhere in this.

I scoot the chair back, far enough away to where my mother can’t shove me back down and stand up. We’re eye level now. “Were you never going to tell me the truth?”

She purses her lips together before shaking her head. No. No, they weren’t. They were going to let me keep living a lie. All because of what?

“Why?”

“Because you were ours! I was always afraid to send you to your grandfather’s, afraid one day he’d tell you and have both my girls. He always wanted to teach me, but my mother wouldn’t let him. She didn’t want me to have that life and I didn’t want you to either. We did it to protect you, Sayer.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You did it for what you said, protecting your assets. It had nothing to do with me. If it did, you would’ve given me a choice.”

They didn’t give me the option.

Instead, they did what they always did.

Decided for me.

My free will is just that. My own. And I was never given the chance to choose it.

I think my time is done here. They’re not going to apologize.

But that’s okay.

I know now and they can’t take that away from me.

I turn away going for the door.

“Where are you going?” my father asks.

“I’m leaving.” And because I know it’ll piss them off, I add, “With Noah.”

“He’s using you.” My mother stares at me.

I know, a tiny voice says, but that’s nothing new. I willingly agreed to that. We’ve used each other. “At least he’s the one that told me the truth.”

My hand wraps around the door handle, but before I leave, I look over my shoulder. “Why did you even throw me this party?”

“You’re back home now, Sayer. It was expected.”

I nod. Right. Of course.

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