Page 57 of Under the Lies

Never have I been so mortified.

With my apartment door firmly shut behind me, hiding me from the god-awfulness that has been today, I strip off my coat and sweaters before dropping my keys in the bowl.

Pan weaves between my legs, purring as I bend down to scratch under his chin. But he darts away when I try to pick him up.

Shaking my head, I take off my mismatched boots and slip out of my shirt, leaving me in only my skirt, tights, and see-through lace bra.

Wanting to get the day off me, I can’t get out of my clothes fast enough.

I head into the kitchen to brew some tea—no more coffee for me today—unrolling my tights when I get there. These clothes are bad juju.

As I’m placing the kettle on the burner, I notice the clock on the stove blinks with the wrong time. Did we lose power today?

But the power is on, confirmed by the lit entryway light. I flip the switch in the kitchen, and it comes on too.

I frown, checking over my shoulder to see if the clock by the sink is blinking too, but it’s not.

Shrugging it off as nothing more than a power glitch, I reset the time on the stove.

As I wait for the kettle to whistle, I twist my hair into a bun and my thoughts, naturally, run wild with Noah.

He’s the drug and I’m the addict. Not caring about how bad he might be for me, I want him anyway.

I’ve fought so hard to stay away, to keep myself at a distance, knowing that one little taste could wreck me.

And it did.

Now I want more.

Ever since I was fourteen and he crashed into my life, he’s called to me, my curiosity. A giant question mark I want to find the answer to. Who is Noah behind the distant persona he shows the world?

At school, no one could tell him no. In life, he didn’t ask for permission before taking.

His world has no limit, a fact he likes to test all the time.

I envied Noah for the freedom he had.

It’s been ten years and I’m still trying to find that kind of freedom.

After the kettle whistles and I’ve made my tea, I head into my bedroom to put on something comfy.

Pan follows close behind.

I’ll never live with the kind of freedom Noah does, because I believe in rules, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find reckless abandon in another way.

A naked way.

Naked with Noah.

If he can ignite me with a single look, and unravel me with his fingers, imagine what he can do with his entire body.

I must sound crazy, like I’ve lost my mind—but have I?

Maybe I found it instead.

Noah’s alpha to the asshole level, but unlike the guys from prep school that my parents deemed worthy of dating and the frat boys in college, he hasn’t tried to make me do anything I haven’t wanted.

The girl I want to be isn’t afraid or ashamed of what she wants. And I want Noah.

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