Page 55 of A Touch of Shadows

An audience with her. Was this going to be her life now? She couldn’t bear it.

‘I can’t stay here,’ she told him, pushing everything else aside. ‘I just can’t.’

His smile faltered into concern. ‘He’s your father.’

‘Maybe. We don’t know that for sure. Everyone seems to have a claim on me all of a sudden, from Roland to Leander.’ She couldn’t say ‘even you’, though she wanted to. It felt presumptuous, but the temptation was there. She didn’t have to.

‘Leander…’ The name was a growl and she saw the loathing in Finn’s eyes, fierce and dangerous. ‘I thought… when he held you, when he threatened you, I thought I’d go wild. I did go wild. Everything I ever learned, all my training, none of it mattered. I killed those men without even a thought. I would have killed him too, and damn the consequences. I’ve never lost myself like that before. It was like a savagery inside me. As if I was becoming something else. Like the shadow kin or?—’

‘No,’ she whispered, not wanting that to be true. Not her Finn…

‘The shadow kin bite…’

‘I purged that. You know I did. It’s gone from you. There’s nothing dark inside you, Finn.’

And yet there was, somehow. Something in his eyes, in the way he held her.

‘You did something, Wren. It was like the whole Aurum burned inside me and I—I thought—’ He closed his eyes in something so close to pain it made her ache inside.

‘Thought what?’ she asked when he didn’t go on.

His eyes opened once more, staring at her, blue and glorious, blazing with intensity. ‘I thought I’d been saved. That you’d saved me. That finally I was a true Knight of the Aurum. That after all this time, finally, I was safe. Don’t you see? My bloodline, my heritage… it ties me to the Nox. But suddenly… it was gone. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is real anymore. I don’t know what you’ve done to me.’

‘I’m sorry.’ And still she didn’t pull back, couldn’t pull back. She leaned into him again and Finn took another step away. She knew she should let him go but that was impossible. Why couldn’t she just let him be? Why did she need him so much?

‘Great light, Wren,’ he sighed. ‘What’s to become of us? I’ve taken vows. I’m meant to be a servant of the Aurum and you… you’re…’

‘I’m just me,’ she assured him, even though she was aware that was a lie.

‘No, you’re not. I don’t know what you are.’

A freak. A monster.

It crushed her inside, those words lingering between them. If he said it to her as well, if he used the same descriptions that Pol had used all that time ago, if he rejected her, she wasn’t sure what she’d do.

Better to push him away, to leave him behind. Better to never give him the opportunity…

‘I have to go,’ she told him.

But Finn didn’t move, didn’t release her. ‘And I can’t let you.’

His hand stroked the length of her arm and she shuddered.

‘Come with me.’ That would work, wouldn’t it? The two of them together, that would be all right. Maybe? It would take away the risk that they’d find out what she was, that the shadows answered her instead of the light. Without the strictures of the knighthood, without the questions about her birthright and what she was… They could just leave and run and never look back and?—

‘You’re the princess. You’re the daughter of the Grandmaster. You’re?—’

‘Stop telling me what I am!’ she shouted abruptly. Tears stung her eyes, and her throat tightened until she could barely get any other words out. ‘Why does everyone have to tell me who and what I am and where I belong, when they have no idea really? It’s not fair.’

For a moment he just stared at her and then he laughed, softly, regretfully, his face transforming in that instant. Beautiful again, not strained and desperate. But still so sad and lost.

She shoved herself away from him. ‘Stop laughing at me.’

She only managed to take about five strides when his hand closed on her shoulders, pulling her gently back around to face him. Her hands came up to his chest to shove him away so she could escape once more. But there was no escape now. His muscles tightened beneath her touch. And she wanted him. Needed him. The smile flickered over his sensual lips again and she leaned in, pressing her body to his. He backed up a little, surprised, seemingly reluctant to retreat but perhaps needing space all the same.

‘We’re both in trouble, aren’t we?’ he murmured.

Trouble. That was such a small word for it. If the knights found out… if he told them… But he hadn’t said a word to give her away, had he? And it seemed like he might not know as much as she feared. How could he be like this with her if he truly understood what she feared? After all, he hadn’t been there as she looked that thing in its endless eyes…

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