Page 76 of We Can Forever

The bell rings, and the kids abandon their projects—all except Katie and Rose, who keep their heads diligently bent over their work.

“Okay, everyone,” Maya calls. “Gather your things.”

Katie looks up and right at me, questions in her eyes. Questions I’m not sure I have answers to.

Standing, she strides over to me. “Have you come up with anything for my dad yet?”

I draw a deep breath. “Uh…no. But you know him a lot better than I do, so whatever you decide to make for him, I know he’ll love.”

Her face falls in disappointment. “Oh.”

I feel like I’ve kicked a puppy. Is this part of some plan she has to get Michael and me back together?

My heart wrenches. “I can help you brainstorm.”

Her lips twist. “He likes this cartoon. Gravity Falls.”

My heart breaks as I remember the date in the fishing shed when we watched that. “Oh. Okay. You could do some amigurumi and crochet him a character from the show.”

She nods slowly. “Yeah. I think Dad would like that.”

“What would I like?” Michael’s voice asks, and I freeze.

My gaze darts to the door, where the last few kids are filing out. Only Maya and Rose are still in the classroom. And Michael.

Tall, strong, dependable Michael. A lighthouse in the darkest night. The man who has gone above and beyond for me multiple times.

Not once has he turned his back on me because of fibromyalgia. Not once has he gotten angry because plans have changed. Never has he treated me like some kind of invalid. And if it’s ever frustrated him, he’s never shown it.

So what am I doing, pushing him away? Don’t I know that it doesn’t get better than what’s standing right here in front of me?

I could live the rest of my life in a bubble of semi-predictability, but the joy I feel will never come close to what I’ve experienced with Michael. Being with him, taking a chance with him, is the best choice for me.

No—it’s the only choice.

I swallow hard, my heart racing a million miles an hour. “Katie has been trying to think of something to make you to cheer you up…since you’ve been down lately.”

He blinks, mouth dropping open in surprise. He quickly collects himself, though, as I bite my lip. Should I have not said that? I don’t have a game plan here, other than, hopefully, ending up back with Michael.

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “I haven’t been feeling that great.”

His gaze darts over my shoulder, and I turn to see Maya, Rose, and Katie all watching us. My face warms.

Maya tries to play it off by walking past us and fiddling with some artwork on the wall, but the two girls just blatantly stare at us. Katie even raises her eyebrows, urging us to go on.

“Um.” I shove my hands into my jeans pockets. “Yeah, I haven’t been feeling great either.”

“You’re over your flare, it looks like. That’s good.” His gaze softens as he drinks me in, real concern there, and I realize how worried he must have been about me this last week and a half. “Would you like to talk in the hallway?”

“Yes,” I nearly shout.

I follow him into the hallway, empty except for the occasional footsteps and voices echoing along the walls. Taking my hands from my pockets, I fold my arms. Then twist my fingers. Then smooth my hair.

I don’t know what to do, don’t know how to start this conversation.

So, maybe I should just go for it. Take the leap from the plane and embrace the free fall, no matter what the outcome is—be it soaring like a bird or hitting the ground with a splat.

“I’m sorry,” I say, and the words just flow forth, like the cork has been popped and I can’t stop them even if I want to. “I made a mistake. I want to be with you, Michael. I love you and Katie, and yes, I want to move in with you. The idea of losing you, yeah, it scares me, but breaking up just because of that fear would be punishing myself. It doesn’t make any sense. There’s always risk to life, and I—I love what you do.”

---