Page 115 of A Study of Blood and Ichor

Beneath my skin, flowing through every vessel in my blood and atom in my bones, I could feel Vain’s power. It had settled within my core, a force like a thrumming well. Even though I’d only taken a small pull of his ichor during the binding ritual, it had contained multitudes—a universe of potential. My magic had never felt so free before. So alive.

The bond stirred in me again, and I caught the slight twitch of his fingers against my skin from the hand he held at my waist.

“I can feel that you’re awake, you know,” I said quietly.

The corners of Vain’s lips flicked upward before he opened his eyes—black, but not all-consuming like when he had possessed Rory. Up close, it was as if every other color swirled and shimmered through his dark irises, a beautiful and mesmerizing galaxy.

“I thought you might find it unsettling if you woke to find me staring at you.”

I let out a small laugh. “You’re right. That would be creepy.”

Vain skated his hand along the side of my face before trailing down my curves beneath the sheets. The pull of the bond was irresistible, even pressed so close together. It was like my soul couldn’t stand the atoms between us. I wanted to spend hours studying this new man—this demon—before me. I wanted to learn every inch of him.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said. “I want to take the three of us away from the city.”

"Do you really think Ghen will return that soon?” I asked.

“I do. And I wish for us to be as far away from here as possible when he does. He may not have any way to track you anymore since you banished him, but knowing my brother, he will not stop looking.” Vain stroked my waist, and his fingers circled my hip lazily. “I have homes across the world where I can take you both. Anywhere you would like to go.”

I tugged my lower lip between my teeth before flashing him a small smile. “Anywhere?”

“Wherever you desire.”

“Somewhere by the ocean then,” I said. “I want to be somewhere where I can hear the waves and smell the sea.”

The ocean had always calmed me. Growing up with my parents in their estate on the coast, I loved the scent of salt on the air and the sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks. Those memories would always feel reminiscent of home, and I liked the thought of replacing old memories with new ones now with Vain and Rory at my side.

Vain’s mouth eased into a slow smile, warming me like the rising sun. “That can be arranged,” he said. “Whatever you desire is yours.”

“And can you teach me?” I asked.

“Teach you what?”

“I want to learn everything you know. I want to be stronger and be able to help people. If I can continue my studies as a demonologist, I’d rather do it without being held under the thumb of the Council or D.A.R.C.”

Vain’s eyes glinted with something akin to pride. “I would never dream of stopping you,” he said.

“So, you will?”

He placed a chaste kiss to my lips. “For you, my love, anything.”

The rhythmic rise and fall of Rory’s chest against my back as he slept and the way his fingers twitched over my abdomen while he held me close made my heart flutter.

Vain brushed a lock of my hair aside, and I managed to whisper, “How can you love me?” His brows pulled together and my eyes twinged shut for the briefest moment before I continued. “I’m not a good person, Vain. I might not ever be.”

"Ava." My name sounded so sweet coming from his lips. "You are allowed to forgive yourself."

I moved to look away, but he caught one side of my face in his hand, my cheek resting in his palm, and his voice was rich and deep as he said, “If I have learned anything in my life, it is that there is not a single person, human or otherwise, that can call themselves truly good. And you do not have to exist as anything different than what you are. Not with me. You are what the world has made you, and there is not a thing about that which you should wish to change. Whatever faults you may have—no matter what flaws—you are human. And to me, there is nothing more perfect than that.”

A warm ache radiated down the bond, growing impossible to ignore with each passing second. I had no answer for him other than to pull his lips to mine and lose myself in his kiss.

I had never felt worthy of forgiveness. Never once had I imagined it was something I would ever deserve. If anything, I'd always believed that living in the misery of all my shame and guilt was a fitting punishment. A necessity. But for the first time in my life, I felt a weight start to lift from me, the beginnings of a bright warmth seeping in to take the place of old, fragile memories I'd clung to for too long. And even if they'd never fade completely, at least living with them would no longer need to feel like a burden. And that thought alone felt freeing.

A soft laugh escaped me when we broke apart. “And here I thought you only lusted after me.”

Vain stared into my eyes as he cupped my face. His thumb ghosted across my bottom lip. “Would it help if you heard the words? If I were to debase myself before you with my most ardent affections? To whisper to you the ache of my desires and to call it love?”

I loved hearing him say that, more than I could ever admit.

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