Page 132 of Lilly

This still doesn't seem real. I keep thinking I'm in a nightmare and will eventually wake up. But then images of that man holding a gun at Rachel flash in my head and I'm instantly back to reality. I saw it happen. A man almost killed Rachel, all because Reed's father told him to. He paid him to. Dean didn't even care about Rachel. He'd met her, had dinner with her, and still hired that man to kill her. Would he ever do the same to me? Would he decide he wants Reed to be with someone else and kill me to get me out of the way?

I've had these thoughts all week. I've imagined Dean killing me, and then killing Rachel. I've had nightmares of men in dark robes without faces taking Garret, and then his two boys. It's horrible. Terrifying. And it fills me with overwhelming guilt. I can't let anything happen to my family. Which means I don't have a choice. I have to end things with Reed.

After dinner, I'm in my room and he calls me. He's called me so many times this week I've lost count. As usual, he leaves a message. I play it back.

"Lilly, please answer the phone. I don't know what I did to make you mad at me, but please, just call me so we can talk it out. I need to know you're okay. I need to hear your voice. I miss you. Please call me. I love you."

I set the phone down, swallowing past the lump in my throat. I have to talk to him. I can't keep ignoring him. I pick up the phone and call him.

He answers on the first ring. "Lilly, are you okay?"

"Not really," I say, sniffling, as tears spill down my cheeks.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I need to talk to you."

He's silent and then, "You're breaking up with me."

I don't answer. I can't.

"Why?" he asks softly. "What did I do?"

This is wrong. I'm not doing this over the phone.

"I need to see you," I tell him.

"Just tell me if you're breaking up with me. I need to know."

"Can we just meet somewhere and talk? Please?"

He sighs. "Where do you want to meet?"

"At your place. I'll come down there," I say, realizing I could sneak out while my parents are wherever it is they're going tomorrow afternoon. I know I'll get in trouble for doing this but I don't care. I need to tell Reed this in person.

"I thought you weren't supposed to drive down here alone."

"I'm not, but whatever. I need to see you. Your dad will be at work, right?"

"Yeah." He pauses. "Is that what this is about? You're afraid of whatever it is my dad is involved in? Because I told you I'd stay away from him if that's what it takes to be with you. I'll move out. I'll go right now. I'll go stay with my uncle."

"No. Reed, just stay there. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be there in the afternoon. Goodbye."

I end the call and he doesn't call back, which is good because I'm crying too hard to talk. Just hearing his voice made my heart ache for him. I miss him so much. How can I not have him in my life anymore? I'll see him at school and what will I do? Not speak to him? Pretend he's not there? I can't do it. I love him. If I see him, I'll want to talk to him, hug him, kiss him.

I've considered staying with him and just not marrying him, but when I brought that idea up to Garret, he said it wouldn't work. That they would force Reed to marry someone else, a daughter of one of the members, thus ending our relationship. So again, I'm back to having no options. I have to break up with him.

The next day I wait until my dad and Rachel are gone, then get in my car and drive to L.A.. On the way there, I try to rehearse what I'm going to say but the words don't come to me. There isn't any way to say this that will make it any easier.

When I get there he greets me at the door, and before I can even speak, his hands cup my face and he kisses me, softly, slowly.

"I've missed you." He breathes the words over my lips.

"I've missed you too." I close my eyes and breathe in his scent and it instantly relaxes me. I was tense the whole drive down here, but seeing him, feeling him, calms me. Until I remember what I have to do.

I pull back. "Let's go inside."

He steps aside and I go past him into the apartment. Now that I'm here, I feel like I shouldn't be. I'm in Dean's apartment. Dean, the man who hired someone to kill Rachel!

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