Page 26 of Lilly

"I know you keep saying that but I don't believe you. They still commit crimes. They still hurt people."

"I won't be doing those things. I'm simply going to a meeting."

"What if they force you to do something? What if they start giving you assignments again?"

"If that happens, we'll deal with it then." I cup the side of her face. "For now, I need you to stay positive and try not to worry."

"Easier said than done."

"It's what you need to do. I don't want Lilly suspecting something is wrong, which she will if she sees the concern on your face."

She nods. "You're right." And yet her concern is still evident on her face. I haven't seen her look this worried and frightened in years.

"Sweetheart, it's one meeting," I say, trying to reassure her. "Just a few short hours. I'll sit in the back and try not to be noticed. I'm just there to observe and listen in on conversations. And when it's over, I'll leave."

"Are you going to visit your mother?"

"I haven't decided yet."

I didn't tell my mother I was coming. I didn't want her alerting her friends, which might get back to one of the members. But once the meeting is over, I might stop by and see her.

"When are you going to see William?"

"Not right away. I don't want someone to follow me there and know what we're up to. After the meeting, I'll either go visit my mother or go to the hotel. I'll drive to William's house on Sunday."

She nods, then wraps her arms around me. "Please promise me you'll be safe."

"I will," I say, although I'm more concerned about her safety than mine.

After I finish packing, I drive Rachel and Lilly to Garret's house, then go to the airport. During the flight, I try to prepare myself for the meeting but there's nothing I can really do to prepare. These meetings are always unpredictable. You just have to go and hope for the best. I don't even know what's on the agenda.

When I arrive in Connecticut, a heaviness comes over me. A darkness. Despite having many good memories here—meeting Rachel, our first marriage, our old house, having Garret and Lilly—there are many other memories, horrific memories, that still haunt me. Like the day I watched my father shoot a homeless man. The day I killed a man simply as a test arranged by my father. The day I received the call saying Rachel was dead. The day I was forced to marry Katherine. And the day the organization told me they were taking Garret.

There were so many bad days, so many bad memories, that I find it hard just being here. Perhaps I'd feel better if Rachel were here with me, reminding me of all the good days, the days I spent here with her.

As I'm driving to the hotel, I give Rachel a call.

"Hello, sweetheart," I say when she answers. "How's everything going?"

"Good. We've been out in the pool all day." She lowers her voice. "Lilly keeps asking why we're staying with Garret. I don't know what to tell her."

"Tell her I've recently had some threats made against me that have caused me to have concerns about her safety. And yours."

"All right. At least that's something she'll believe. So are you going straight to the hotel?"

"I'll probably stop for dinner first. I was thinking of going to that restaurant we went to with Royce and Victoria the first time you met her."

"I remember that night. Victoria kept telling me you were cheating on me and that you always would. We ended up leaving before we even had our meal."

"So we got a pizza and brought it home and ate dinner in front of the fire."

"Which led to us doing other things."

"Yes." I smile as I think back. "That was a good night. Far better than having dinner with Royce and Victoria."

She laughs. "That's for sure."

I drive past the mall where Rachel used to take Garret to get his Halloween costume. Just beyond it is a billboard advertising the fitness center where Rachel taught swimming lessons. She took Garret with her, even when he was just a tiny baby. It's where he learned to swim.

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