Page 49 of Unholy Matrimony

18. Lord, have mercy.

19. Baby

Chapter twenty-two

Kalina

Anger isn’t a strong enough emotion to describe what I am feeling right now. I am livid, filled with rage. When I see my mother, I am going to punch that suka1 in her face. I am seething. Lenya refused to let me drive to my parents’ home, so he was in the driver's seat, focusing on the road.

“You need to relax, Tsvetok2. Think about the baby, huh?” All I can think about is my poor, sweet sister being shipped off somewhere all alone. How the fuck could they do that to her?

“Do you know anything about where they sent her?” I snapped at him. “I don’t. Your father said they sent her to boarding school so we wouldn't see her.” I am sure my parents were worried that at some point I would convince her to move in with Lenya and me. Reality hits me and I look over at Lenya. I am taking all of this out on him.

It’s not his fault. Even if he thinks it is. It’s not. My hand caresses his face, “I’m sorry I am being short with you. I am angry and I am taking it out on you, and that’s not fair to you.”

A smirk twitches on his face. “It’s okay, malyshka3. I’d rather you get it all out now before we get there and you do something you will regret.” I decided against telling him I was going to punch my mother in the face. That’s not important at the moment. Lenya pulls the car in front of my parent’s house and before he can get out to open my door, I am already out and walking up the path.

“Gospodi Bozhe, Lina. Zamedlyat4’!” Lenya yells at me. I can hear him running behind me. “Dostatochno5!” He pulls my arm. “Look, I know you are angry, but you need to think about whatever it is you are about to do. I can see the fire in your eyes and this isn’t like you, Lina.” The rage is causing me to shiver. “I am just so angry!” Throwing myself in his arms, crying. “I know, malyshka6. Take a breath and we will go in there and find out where she is. Okay?”

The sound of Lenya pounding on the front door echoes through the house.

After a few moments, the door opens, and my mother's face twists to a frown. BAM! I hit her right in the nose.

OW! That fucking hurt way more than I was expecting!

Lenya's eyes widen and he can't help but smile. “Well, I guess you are choosing violence.” He runs his hand down his face. “Evening Irina. Do you mind if we come in?” Not waiting for her response, not that she really could while her nose was leaking blood everywhere. We storm into the house.

“Where the fuck is Raisa, Mama?” I grab her by the collar of her sweater and push her up against the wall. My mother pushes at me and grabs for my hair, raising her hand to slap me. Lenya comes from behind me, grabbing her arm.

“You will not hit my zhena7. If you do, you will end up like your 8muzh.” My eyes narrow at her.

“Where is she?” With a shove, I let her go.

Lenya releases her arm and moves back to his position behind me. She adjusts herself. “I’ll grab the papers for the school,” she says. Lenya follows her to prevent her from making any phone calls.

My mother and husband returned. She is holding a pamphlet and a manila envelope. She thrusts them into my hand. “I had a feeling it would come to this, so here.” I open the manila envelope and inside is Raisa’s birth record, important documents, and school information.

“She is your responsibility now. You can pick her up and do what you wish. Your father had everything set up for us to immigrate to the UK. I am going, unless you end up having your husband kill me, too.” I look her dead in the eye and tell her, “What makes you think I need to have him do it?”

I take out the knife that I took from Lenya’s bedside drawer and hold it to her throat. “What makes you think I need help in ending your life? You have caused enough pain for me to do it myself.” I thought my hand would shake. My hand was nothing but steady. I dig the tip of the blade into her skin. She cries out in pain.

“I didn’t raise you to be a murderer, Lina,” she pleads. All the trauma is surfacing, and all the pain from my childhood unloads on her. “No, you didn’t. You taught me to be a docile, submissive woman. One that your husband was going to sell off to a pedophile. Do you think God liked how your husband beat your child? Would he like how you abused me with your words?”

Lenya is standing off to the side, allowing me the space to handle this the way I see fit. He leans against the door, arms crossed. “The man you were so worried about me marrying has given me the strength you couldn’t. He has filled me with the love you never gave. He is giving me the opportunity to be the mother you couldn't be.”

A scowl appears and her words become venom, “Already pregnant, are you? So you were not a virgin on your wedding day. I told your father you were a whore! I guess it's good that the man you didn’t fight marrying wouldn’t care. Maybe you weren’t a virgin before him.”

Her words cut like glass.

Why should she have a life free of consequences?

Lenya had my father pay for his sins. Now I would make her pay for hers. I'm trying to figure out where it will hurt the most to cut her. “Uvidimsya v adu, mama9.” I shove the knife into her abdomen. I twist it in and pull it back out.

Blinded by rage, I drive the knife in, again and again. I lose count of how many times I’ve stabbed her. Her cream-colored sweater turns crimson. My hand quivers as the adrenaline rushes through me. Lenya rushes over to grab hold of me. My mother falls to the floor, and she lies at my feet, bleeding out.

The knife clatters against the tile floor. Lenya is saying something in my ear, but all I can hear is the sound of my heartbeat thumping in my ears. I try to drop to the floor, but Lenya hoists me up into his arms. Everything that happens next blurs together. Lenya takes me back out to the car, locks the doors, and returns to the house.

What feels like hours later, but in reality it must have only been half an hour, Oleg, Ilya, and Mila show up. They both look over at me in the car and then head up to the house. A heavily pregnant Mila tries to open my door. She yells to Lenya, and he must have unlocked it because it opens.

---