Page 56 of Truly Madly Deeply
oBITCHuary: Aww. Did you get that from a fortune cookie?
McMonster: Brat.
McMonster: So.
oBITCHuary: Sooooo?
McMonster: There’s something I need to tell you.
oBITCHuary: Oh?
oBITCHuary: Are you a serial killer? Because that’s going to be amazing for my podcast and disastrous for our friendship. Plus, you can forget about that coffee meeting I have planned for us when I come back to New York.
McMonster: I’m not a serial killer.
oBITCHuary: Is it going to make me like you less? Whatever it is you’re going to tell me?
McMonster: 100%.
oBITCHuary: Then don’t.
McMonster: ?
oBITCHuary: Seriously, don’t. I like you. I don’t like men. I want to continue liking you. Please don’t burst my bubble. I feel like you’re helping me make progress. I don’t want to lose it.
McMonster: I’m not a liar.
oBITCHuary: You’re not lying to me. You’re omitting information I am disinterested in. There’s a difference.
McMonster: No, there isn’t.
oBITCHuary: Well, *I’m* a liar. So, you know, meet me in the middle. Jeez.
CAL
McMonster: Good night?
oBITCHuary: Hmm, I don’t recall you ever contacting me in the middle of the night before. Has it been a good night for YOU?
McMonster: It’s actually been an epic shit show.
oBITCHuary: Anything I can do to help?
McMonster: Yes. Let me tell you what I need to tell you.
oBITCHuary: Other than that. I really want to stay friends. I don’t have many. And I’m still on probation with my childhood BFF.
McMonster: My, my, you can be selfish when you want.
oBITCHuary: Only with you.
McMonster: That’s all right.
oBITCHuary: Why?
McMonster: Because you’re the only person I’m selfless with too.
CAL
