Page 14 of Better Than Expected

So, yes, she’d thought Caroline was beautiful, gorgeous, stunning. She always had, from the first moment she’d seen her. But – but the thoughts had been more present lately.

It was the itch at the back of her neck combined with the tugging low in her stomach, that had her falling to her knees to pull her sketchpad out from under her bed where she’d slid it the night before last night, and she opened it with shaking hands.

And as she flipped through it, her breath was stolen right from her lungs so quickly it made her dizzy.

It was all right here, she thought dimly, as she flipped through the book.

Caroline. Day after day and – and not in any sort of normal way.

She froze as she looked down at her own drawing, something she’d created by her own hand, and…

How had she not realized it?

Tentatively, she brought a hand down to trace over the little dimple in Caroline’s cheek that she’d shaded in on her drawing from Father’s Day. She was radiant. And she was everywhere.

“Oh, god,” Hannah muttered to herself, shaking her head as she sat back on her haunches and stared sightlessly across the room.

It felt like everything slotted into place in that moment, like her brain had been missing a key piece to understanding herself in the last few months and it finally clicked into place.

Oh, god.

But – but she was nowhere near ready for that. She was nowhere near ready to be with anyone else, and certainly not Caroline.

No.

Hannah closed her eyes tightly and flipped her sketchpad shut with finality.

Not happening; she was going to shut this down right here and now.

October 19 – Last Year

Thething was, it was far, far more difficult than Hannah ever thought it would be to shut down her feelings for Caroline.

She tried not to blame herself too much – the only significant romantic relationship in her life had been with Michael. And she hadn’t really had to shut down those feelings; no, they had crashed and burned a slow, agonizing death with all of his indiscretions, lies, and intimidations over the years.

And she’d never fallen before for anyone else. Hadn’t had any opportunity or interest in doing so, given how wrapped up her life had been in her marriage, for better or worse… mostly worse.

But how the hell was she supposed to shut down her feelings for Caroline?!

She was desperate to know.

“Mom! Keep up!” Abbie called over her shoulder about twenty feet ahead of Hannah, giddy as she walked through the pumpkin patch.

Caroline walked alongside her daughter, as Hannah had encouraged when they’d arrived to pick their pumpkins.

“You two don’t have to wait for me,” she’d urged them as she’d taken her time getting out of the car; it had been a plan for her own self-preservation. The less time spent alone in any fashion with Caroline since the previous weekend, the weekend where they’d shared a bed at Hangout Weekend, the better.

Caroline hadn’t questioned her, other than a quick look that flitted over her features. That also had happened a few times since last weekend.

Abbie, however, had questioned her, as she’d shaken her head dramatically. “You and Caroline should walk together, Mom. What if you trip and fall on a vine! Who’s gonna catch you?”

Both she and Caroline had given her daughter perplexed looks at that. Abbie had given a guileless look and shrugged, “It happens in movies.”

“What the heck kind of movies are you watching?” Caroline had asked, bumping her hip into Abbie with a laugh, throwing a joking glance back at Hannah.

She’d returned it with a smile of her own, before shaking her head. “I’m going to grab the cart for us; you two are the ones who actually want to carve the pumpkins, so… go on.”

She needed to spend less time close to Caroline, because… Because! Just thinking about it made her flustered!

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