Page 40 of Better Than Expected

She was pacing.

With a frantic sort of energy that Caroline rarely ever had. If ever? Hannah frowned as she thought – no, Caroline had never displayed this kind of frenetic nervous energy.

Which only deepened her concern and utter bafflement, as she cleared her throat to make her presence known.

Caroline whipped her head up so quickly, Hannah was genuinely worried she would strain her neck. And instead of the normal loving, soft smile that warmed her face, there remained a clear anxiety over those sharp features that Hannah so loved.

“What is going on?” She asked, keeping her voice down because she would bet a lot of money that Abbie was out there having as much of a listen as she could.

Caroline – who had just never looked this strained – fluttered her hands around in a hopeless gesture. “I – I don’t know! It wasn’t like any of our normal days.”

Before Hannah could urge her to continue, Caroline did. They were different, the two of them; Caroline could always find the words.

“When we got back here after school, I told her that I had some work to do for a while. But that she could do her homework first and after we were both done, we could get out the rest of the decorations that she’s been dying to put up,” Caroline started, drawing up her shoulders as she recounted the story as seriously and studiously as if she were recounting the background to a legal brief.

Hannah found it endearing. She nodded – Abbie had a whole plan and layout of the decorations she wanted to put up all around the house, and they’d gone out a bought a ton of them, much to Caroline’s chagrin. Though, she didn’t seem to mind all that much this year.

Hannah found that more than a little exciting, herself.

“But she was so – mad? Normally, it’s fine when we make little adjustments. And she has that book report that she has to finish by the end of the week on A Wrinkle in Time. She told me that we had to do the decorations first. Stomped her foot at me and everything!” The baffled, hurt look on Caroline’s face made Hannah want to laugh.

She stifled it.

“But, I have a deadline, myself, I know that she has her own deadline, and the decoration fun isn’t on a deadline. So, I just told her we aren’t doing the fun stuff until we get the work done, and that’s that. And she stormed into the living room and turned on the TV! So, I shut it off and said she can watch that when work is done, too. Abbie will spend hours getting lost in TV-world, and then nothing will get done!” Caroline’s voice notched up.

Hannah nodded sagely to validate her. She was correct, after all.

“Then, she wanted to open the holiday cookie advent calendar after our after-school snack, and I said she can’t have the desserts that we reward ourselves with when we haven’t done our work, first. Now, she’s mad at me and she informed me that I can’t order her to do anything because it’s not my job,” Caroline finished, seeming to deflate, as sadness overtook her tone.

Hannah nodded again, slowly now, as she took a step closer to Caroline.

Who gave her the look of a wounded puppy. “Are you mad at me?”

That gave Hannah pause, as she shook her head and stared at her girlfriend in confusion. “Me? Mad at you?”

Caroline nodded slowly, biting the inside of her cheek before she sighed. “You didn’t like when I took Abbie school shopping without discussing it with you first, last year. Or whenever anything like that happens, so I’ve been a little,” she looked down a little, scuffing her socked toe at the floor, adorably. “Worried, I guess.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, “I mean, Abbie’s not necessarily wrong. It’s not really my place to–”

“It is your place,” the words escaped Hannah faster than either of them expected it.

Caroline stared at her for a long moment.

Hannah stared back at Caroline, surprised by herself, if the pounding of her heart was any evidence.

“It is?” Caroline asked, shock evident in her tone.

“I…” Hannah licked her lips as she let out a small, baffled laugh and pushed a hand through her hair. “Caroline, you are the only other real parental figure Abbie has. You’re there for her whenever she needs you, no matter what is happening between you and I. You’ve stepped up for her in a way that no one else has, other than me, just because you’re – you. Abbie spends nearly as much time with you as she does me, maybe more sometimes. You aren’t just some glorified babysitter.” The rightness of the words settled comfortably inside of Hannah, bolstering her. “It is your place.”

Caroline absolutely gaped at her for a few seconds before she recovered and a smile bloomed over her face. It was a smile of such pure wonder, Hannah was so proud for having caused it.

A few seconds later, Caroline shook her head. “But, Abbie’s so angry–”

“Sweetheart? She’s eleven.” Hannah walked closer, close enough to look Caroline right in the eye as she reached up and cupped that perfect jawline so that Caroline would look at her and see how much she meant this. “You have a relationship with Abbie where you’re mostly friends, and that’s great. Abbie knows the rules and, frighteningly, has figured out the whole parenting system where she knows she is going to have a better time with us when she follows them. But it doesn’t mean she always does. You just haven’t had to deal with it before because you’re her best buddy.”

“It’s a shitty feeling,” Caroline grumbled but leaned into Hannah’s hands.

She stroked her thumbs delicately over the soft skin of Caroline’s cheeks as she agreed, “It is. And you did the hard part of parenting for the first time, fantastically. I’ll finish it up for you.”

She leaned down to kiss Caroline quickly, wanting to impart a little bit of comfort, before striding back to the door and opening it.

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