Page 15 of Better Than Expected

It should have worked, keeping a lagging distance between them.

Except for the fact that her eyes continued to fall to the curve of Caroline’s ass in her high-waisted light-wash jeans. She had an amber sweater tucked into them and, and her butt just looked obscenely good in them.

She’d done that far too much lately. Hannah’s cheeks heated even as she breathed out an exasperated sigh at herself. She’d never been this person, before.

She didn’t even recognize the person she was when she was wrapped up in wanting Caroline, because nothing had ever been like this for her in her life.

She’d, embarrassingly, asked Karla – her new friend in several of her architecture classes – about how to sort out her feelings as they’d had coffee during a class break once. “I feel…” She rolled her lips, searching for the words, before admitting, “Ridiculous asking you about this. But other than Caroline, I don’t really have any friends who are…”

“Queer,” Karla filled in with a knowing nod. She was grinning though, as she’d waved her hand and encouraged, “Hit me with the gay dilemma.”

So she had. About everything.

About how she’d known Caroline for years, but had only really seen into her soul for the last ten months, but it had been the most enlightening ten months. About everything Caroline did for her, for Abbie, everything she meant for them.

Karla had nodded slowly. “I mean – first, she sounds perfect. Where do I get one?” She laughed at herself as she took a sip of her latte, and added, “Are you sure – and I don’t mean for this to sound the wrong way – you’re sure that it’s truly about you having feelings for Caroline? Like, attraction, wanting, all-encompassing feelings, and not just, uh, that she is so amazing and is also a lesbian and you have some wires crossed? Because that could be terrible.”

And Hannah had sat with that, she really had.

Only…

Only, Caroline had then informed her that she was going on a date. And Hannah had felt – she didn’t know how to explain that feeling that dropped through her in actual words. Angry, only she had no reason to be angry. No one to be angry at. Caroline wasn’t Michael. Caroline wasn’t married to her, wasn’t obligated to her as anything more than her friend.

And at the root of her anger was sheer jealousy.

It ate through everything inside of her, settling in a big, heavy, ugly tangle that threatened to make her sick in the pit of her stomach. Every time she thought about it. About who this other woman was? About what Caroline wore on her date? About – would Caroline look at this woman the way she looked at Hannah?

Would this woman deserve Caroline?

Did she?

By the time that jealousy was under control… well, last weekend had happened.

Last weekend, where she’d learned that Caroline had had sex with her friend Jess, several years ago.

Hannah had been floating – the only time she’d been drunk in any way in many years, and she’d felt safe and content and happy.

Until Jess had commented that Caroline was definitely up in her top three lovers.

Hannah had choked on her drink, eyes snapping open to stare at Caroline and Jess, where they’d been leaning against one another on the floor. So comfortable.

It had been a monster, that time, even more untamable than the last.

Because these two were right in front of her eyes. This woman, Caroline’s friend, was right there. Joking and laughing and touching Caroline, and they’d had sex.

Hannah – she’d never felt that reaction. And she’d been married to someone who had sex outside of their marriage. Often.

It had certainly been an eye-opener for her. Let alone what had happened that night in bed.

Where her guard had been so far down, she’d pursued questioning Caroline about sex. Until she’d gotten so wet, she’d had to sneak into the bathroom and touch herself or she might have come in that bed from Caroline’s voice alone.

And this all brought her back to now.

As she watched Caroline bend down to look over a pumpkin, and those jeans stretched so well over her ass, which was so full and Hannah wanted to…

She slapped a hand over her eyes. What was wrong with her?! She’d never once been this person! She’d never been someone who couldn’t keep her eyes and thoughts appropriate!

She’d never lusted like this, never wanted like this.

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