Page 1 of Heart of The Night

1 | lovely colour

Life is short, people tended to say. It was a powerful sentiment, mourning the many moments that would never happen and all the dreams that would never come to fruition. But above all, it was a reminder that if we didn’t make the most of our brief existence, we would die unfulfilled. Our epilogue would be one of regret.

I, for one, had always been mindful of that, but I was also aware that I couldn’t possibly achieve everything I wanted to. I had to prioritise. What did I care most about?

Certainly not romantic love. I knew I would be content even if I never found a partner. In fact, finding one was so uninteresting to me that it had never really featured on my list of goals.

I had never been one to daydream of my wedding from a tender age. Not in any detail, at least. Of course, now and then I wondered if I would ever get married, but I had never felt the urge to. Part of me loved the idea of sharing my life with a devoted husband, but another had always feared I was unlovable – not because I was an awful person, but because I wanted to do so many things that my partner would inevitably end up neglected. I had never thought I could love somebody the way they deserved, so I had been convinced that everyone would be better off if I abstained from romantic love.

All these years, that hadn’t posed much of a problem since I had never been in love; it wasn’t difficult to avoid love when you weren’t in love. There was one time I had thought I was, though, when I was sixteen and infatuated with James, a boy who played on the men’s football team while I was the goalkeeper on the women’s. He was two years my senior, and we had only talked a handful of times. All the same, my heart throbbed whenever he was near, and I remembered being grateful my blush would be mistaken for hard work at practice rather than being seen for what it truly was: elation.

Growing older, I realised my interest in James hadn’t been love at all. I never really knew the guy, so how could I possibly have been in love with him? It had just been a solid dose of pure, raging hormones.

Then, since meeting William, my goals in life started to change. Suddenly, love was climbing to the top of my priorities – or rather, William was. I still didn’t care much about love in general. I would never be with somebody just to avoid being alone.

But I absolutely wanted to be with William.

I knew I was smitten with him, and with each day that passed, I could feel myself inching closer to truly falling in love with him. Every conversation, every touch, every moment spent in his company felt effortless, as though we were moving in perfect synchrony to a rhythm only we could hear. The ease with which our relationship progressed was almost magical, as if the universe had carefully orchestrated our meeting and was now gently guiding us toward an inevitable union. It often seemed like we were meant to be together, our connection blossoming as naturally as the world turning on its own axis.

I had seen him at work just a few hours ago, yet I already missed him. It seemed that no matter how much time we spent together, it was never enough. I found myself craving his presence the minute we parted ways, as though I couldn’t bear to be without him for even a moment. This yearning, however, was tempered by the knowledge that I would see him again in less than an hour.

Tonight was our first proper date, and even though we had known each other for several months, the prospect of spending a romantic evening alone with him was both thrilling and terrifying. It was a manifestation of my choice, a chance to explore the possibilities of something truly special. But I had never been on a single date before, let alone with someone as amazing as William. The thought of it all was so surreal that I could scarcely get my mind around it.

I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this was a moment to savour, a chance to dive headfirst into something new and exciting. Whatever lay ahead, I was ready to embrace it with an open heart.

‘I’m a bit nervous,’ I said to Olivia as I carefully applied a coat of light-blue nail varnish. My hands trembled, and my palms were slick with sweat. The coffee I had earlier was probably a mistake; it only amplified my anxiety about the upcoming evening.

‘Well, you’ve no reason to be,’ Olivia said, lounging on my bed behind me.

‘What if I do something weird?’

‘The weirdest thing you’ve ever done was reject him in the first place.’

My lips pressed together as the memory of the underground cavern of Disrepute flooded my mind – the posh cocktail bar where I first met William. Suddenly I was back there again, surrounded by the plush colours of the velvet furniture while Andy’s endless laughter echoed above the electronic music. The vivid memory transported me so completely that I could almost taste the cocktails and smell William’s cologne as he sat beside me on the settee. Although months had passed since then, the experience was as fresh in my mind as if it had happened only moments ago.

Turning in my desk chair, I faced Olivia. ‘I meant, what if I do something that makes him feel awkward?’

Her plump lips twitched, her warm brown eyes radiating amusement. ‘Cara, the man has seen your anus. Unless you start talking about having kids with him, I hardly think anything you do or say will make him feel awkward at this point.’

I flushed at her crude joke. ‘Thanks for making me aware of that. I wish you hadn’t.’

She laughed, and the enchanting sound made me smile. ‘Blame Colin. He’s the one who said it to me once. I was mortified.’

I scoffed at the mention of her ex. ‘Speaking of Colin, have you heard anything from him lately?’

‘Not much. He’s still seeing Alison, though.’ She spat the name with a bitterness that seemed to say: You know, the woman he cheated on me with.

I winced at the reminder. It was unfathomable how Colin could leave someone as incredible as Olivia. I held my tongue, however, recognising the delicate state of her emotions and the rawness of the wound he had left.

‘Honestly,’ she went on, her expression clouding over with a mix of hurt and anger, ‘I don’t really care what he does anymore. He made his choice, and it wasn’t me.’ Her voice wavered, revealing that, despite her words, she did truly care.

My heart ached with sympathy, and the urge to comfort her welled up inside me. I wished I could extract her pain and replace it with a sense of peace, but Colin’s betrayal had inflicted a wound so deep that I knew only the gentle, healing touch of time could truly bring her the solace she needed.

Olivia loosened a breath and tucked a lock of her long blonde hair behind her ear. ‘I’m just trying to focus on myself and moving on.’

‘Well, you’re doing an amazing job at it,’ I said, giving her a small smile. ‘And you know I’m always here for you, no matter what.’

‘I know.’ She returned my smile and grabbed her iced tea from my nightstand. ‘Anyway, are you spending the night at Will’s?’

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