Page 31 of The Dom

“I didn’t ask Joshua what had happened, of course, but he was there to see Nate, and I didn’t think our temp receptionist should have to deal with a family issue. I introduced myself and offered to take Joshua upstairs. He declined and left, but I didn’t want to keep it from Nate.” My actions still sounded logical. “I waited until the end of the day because I didn’t want to interrupt him.”

That wasn’t entirely true, I realized. I’d waited because I’d been worried he’d react badly, and I didn’t want anyone else to hear him. Now, I was glad I’d done it.

“I also thought he could be upset, and it’d be better if no one else was around,” I added, wanting to be completely truthful with her. “I was right. As soon as I told Nate that his brother had been there, it was like nothing that had happened between us mattered. He just shut down, started asking questions, but they weren’t real questions. He wanted to know if Joshua had told me anything about what had gone on between them, and he didn’t believe me when I said no. Then, he accused me of flirting with Joshua.”

Mom didn’t ask if I’d done it, and the relief I felt just made everything else worse. She knew I’d never do anything like that, and Nate should’ve known it too.

“Do you think it’s possible that whatever happened between Nate and his brother involved a woman?”

Dammit. I hadn’t even thought of that. It made perfect sense, and while it didn’t excuse how Nate had handled things, it did make me a little more sympathetic to his concerns. If his brother had betrayed him with someone Nate had been involved with, it wasn’t strange at all that Nate wouldn’t want his new girlfriend talking to his brother.

“This is why I needed to talk to you,” I said. “That never occurred to me. I thought he was just being all possessive and jealous because he can be a dick sometimes.”

I didn’t add that I’d also assumed at least some of the reason for his attitude came from his Dominant side taking being possessive too far. Now that I really thought about it though, I knew that wasn’t the case. Nate always seemed to be in greater control during those Dominant times than he was outside of them.

“It doesn’t excuse the way he handled things,” Mom said, “but if he has a legitimate reason for jumping to conclusions, it at least means there’s something there to work on.”

She was right. It would be worse if he just acted that way for no reason at all. Then it’d be part of who he was, and I couldn’t be with a man like that, no matter how much I wanted him. Something influenced by an event from his past was understandable and could be dealt with.

I should have thought of that. I’d been there before. After Mona left, I’d struggled to deal with abandonment issues. I’d never worried that Mom would leave, but only because she made a point of telling me every night for months that she wasn’t going anywhere. Everyone else, however, was fair game, especially since Mom’s family had left her too. To this day, I was amazed at how my mother hadn’t become bitter and cynical.

“How do you think I should handle it?” I asked.

“It depends on whether or not he’s willing to tell you about what happened between him and his brother.”

“If he is?”

“Tell him about the problems you had when Mona left,” Mom suggested. “If he knows that you understand what it means to struggle with trust after someone’s hurt you, he’ll probably be more willing to admit just how badly it affects him and be more likely to ask for help.”

“All right,” I said, taking in a deep breath. “I can do that.”

It wouldn’t be fun, but I’d worked through that issue a while ago. Mom had found a great therapist who’d worked with me individually and then together with Mom so that our relationship didn’t suffer. Not for the first time, I thought about how difficult it must’ve been to do that, to be willing to admit that she needed help after Mona left. She’d always tried to be so strong for me, and it had taken me a while to realize that going to a therapist had been one of the strongest things she’d ever done.

My mom was the most amazing person I knew.

“If he doesn’t want to give you specifics, you can tell him you understand what it’s like to have something from the past influence present behavior.”

“Shouldn’t I just tell him about therapy either way?”

“You could,” she said, “but I don’t think that would be best. From everything you’ve told me about Nate, I think he’d feel like you were trying to manipulate him into sharing more than he’s ready for. If you ask him, and he says no, but then you share something so personal, he might think the only reason was because you were trying to make him feel obligated.”

I was constantly amazed by her ability to figure people out. She’d rarely been wrong, and I sometimes wondered if maybe she hadn’t been wrong about Mona as much as she’d ignored what her gut had told her because she hadn’t wanted to lose the love of her life.

“Either way, you need to make sure he understands that taking those things out on you can’t keep happening. You have to draw that line between being understanding and enabling him. If he doesn’t think he needs to change his behavior and his way of thinking, then you’re not in a good place.”

Suddenly, I wondered how much of this advice came out of her own relationship. Had there been something like this between Mom and Mona? Had it been Mona’s unwillingness to change that had caused the rift that had eventually ended the relationship? I liked to think I was more observant than most, but Mom and Mona had always been very private about their disagreements.

For that reason, among others, I didn’t ask. I didn’t need to know what had led to the break-up. I knew enough. Mona had walked away from both of us and never tried to contact me. Mom had stayed, and she loved me. If she wanted to tell me more, that was her decision. Unless I had a clear reason to ask, I never would.

“I know you’re a strong person,” Mom continued. “I’ve seen that strength first-hand in more than one situation. When it comes to matters of the heart, though, it takes a whole other kind of strength. Do you think you have it? Can you be firm with him, or will he be able to sweep you off your feet without having to face the truth about anything?”

It was a valid question. I’d seen so many people – man and women alike – be these pillars of strength for years, only to crumble when love was involved. I’d never doubted my own ability to stand firm, but I’d never been in this situation before. I had to take an honest look at myself, and when I did, my past behavior didn’t help.

I’d let him virtually blackmail me into going to that first event with him. He hadn’t manipulated me into sex, but he had a way of stoking that fire inside me until up looked down and black looked white. Before I’d met him, I’d been a virgin who’d never even given a guy a blowjob, let alone considered allowing someone to spank me or make me beg.

“Honestly, Mom, I don’t know.”

She was silent for a second, then said, “I’d rather have you admit you’re unsure than lie to me and to yourself by saying it wouldn’t be a problem.”

---