Page 149 of To Hate Adam Connor

“She didn’t want to raise the baby, but she didn’t want to have an abortion either. And, well…” He raked his fingers through his hair and let out a dry laugh. “I’ve never said this to anyone before. Feels weird.”

He walked to the window and just stood there silently with his back to me. He had the same expression on his face he’d had the first night we had spied on him. The only difference was this time around there was no barrier between us, no walls, no glass windows. He was just a few feet away from me.

“My parents weren’t so keen on the idea of giving the baby up for adoption,” he continued. “They were sure it would end up coming back to them. While this whole thing was going on, I was with Adeline. She came to Paris with me when we visited Vicky. She only knew about the pregnancy because she was there when I got the news, and I was in love with her and why shouldn’t you trust the person you love, right?”

Facing me, he waited for something, or maybe he was preparing himself.

“Aiden isn’t your son,” I said, pointing out the obvious to ease things for him in case that was what he was waiting for.

“He is my son, Lucy,” he corrected me immediately. “The moment Vicky gave birth to him and I held him in my arms he became mine, and he will always be mine.”

“But how?” I blurted. “I mean…I don’t get it.”

“Adeline’s idea. Mind you, she didn’t share it with me first. She told my parents, and they jumped on it.”

“But how?” I repeated again. Did I feel stupid for asking the same thing over and over again? Sure…but I really wanted the answer. “I remember seeing her photos, Adeline’s…I mean…she was pregnant.”

“She wasn’t. She spent a lot of time in Paris, with Vicky. The house wasn’t in the city, so the possibility of them getting photographed was slim to none. When she was here, back in Los Angeles, she wore one of those fake pregnancy things. Same when she posted on social media. Trust me, it looks frighteningly real, and I was filming anyway, so neither one of us was spending a lot of time in the city anyway. Only a handful of people knew about Vicky’s pregnancy, Dan being one of those few, so there was no one who could link everything.”

“Wow.” What else could I say?

“Adeline wanted to get married and what better time to tie the knot than when your girlfriend is expecting?”

“Again, wow.”

And he just kept going.

“My parents thought it was the perfect solution to everything. Vicky was okay with it. To be honest, she didn’t care that much. Everyone was happy.”

“And you? Were you okay with it all? Were you happy about it? I get it, your sister was only eighteen and that’s young to have a baby on your own—by the way, who was the father?”

Another forced smile. “She isn’t sure. Convenient, isn’t it?”

I continued, “Yeah, well, what I was trying to say is, she was young, okay, but you weren’t that old either. You were what? Twenty-two?”

He gave a quick nod. “A baby would have been a big scandal when the mother was only eighteen and the daughter of the perfect Hollywood couple, not to mention an unknown father. It could have either been one of Vicky’s friends, or hell, maybe dear Mom and Dad’s. With the way Vicky was, it was impossible to guess. But Adeline Young having my baby and us getting married…that would be good news. Great news. And I loved Adeline. And I loved my sister. I thought maybe she’d said okay because if I kept the baby, she’d get to see him.”

“She still lives in Paris, doesn’t she?”

“Yes. She’s been clean ever since she learned about the pregnancy, but yes, she doesn’t want to come back here. So I go to her. I take Aiden with me, and I go to her, every year on her birthday.”

“So she can see her son,” I guessed quietly.

Adam nodded. “So she can see what a beautiful son she has, but she wants nothing to do with him.”

“Adam…I don’t even know what to…” I wanted to go to him, but I also wanted to hear everything he wanted say, so I stayed put and waited for the right time.

“She doesn’t want Aiden to know about her, so Aiden will only know Adeline and me as his parents. I don’t mind that anymore. This last time…when we were in Paris for Vicky’s birthday, neither my parents nor Vicky spent more than a few minutes alone with Aiden. I never want him to feel unwanted, never want him to work so hard to gain someone’s attention like that, so I don’t think we’ll be going back to Paris any time soon.”

I didn’t want Aiden to ever feel unwanted either. I’d never wish that on anyone, let alone a child.

“Well, fuck them. If they can’t see what a gorgeous and smart kid he is…I’m sorry, I know they are your family, but fuck them.”

“Up until the moment I held him in my arms, I wasn’t sure I could do it. Sure, I didn’t mind the getting married to Adeline part because I loved her, but a baby? Like you said, I was only twenty-two myself. What the hell would I know about raising a baby? But then they gave him to me, and I…”

He got up and walked away. This time I went after him, but stopped before I was too close.

Keeping his back to me, he kept explaining. “I touched his face, those little fingers, those cheeks.” There was a smile in his voice. “He was born premature; he was so little, but so perfect. How could anyone want to give him away?”

---