Page 98 of To Hate Adam Connor

I was the one who was trying to seduce him out of his pants; he had no right, no right whatsoever to try and seduce my heart.

But…I let him hold my hand anyway. It was comfortable.

Standing like that with him was comfortable. Hearing his steady heartbeat. His warmth against my body.

The hand splayed on my back was just as comforting as his hand holding mine. It tethered me to the world.

Or maybe just to him.

It was all so easy on my heart.

And it was all so scary.

I still let him. Don’t judge me. If you were me, by now you would’ve melted away; at least I was still standing upright. I win, you lose.

So I let him hold my heart in his hands. It was only for a moment anyway.

Suddenly the song ended and the silence that filled the room was somehow louder than George Michael had been. It only lasted for a few seconds as the same song started back again.

But…for those few seconds, Adam had kept us moving in a gentle sway and I’d gotten my wish. I’d danced with no music. Even if it was for a fleeting moment, I’d had what Olive and Jason had.

And that should’ve scared me shitless…but it didn’t.

Did I mention what a stupid heart I possessed?

I closed my eyes again and let Adam dictate our moves as I absorbed the painful words. It wasn’t just the words either. You could tell he was in pain too—George Michael, I mean.

He was in pain for the love he had lost, and I was lost searching for the love I knew I could never have.

“Is it true? What he is saying?” I asked, my voice low.

“Which part?”

“Does love really hold bliss?”

“You tell me. You were the one with the boyfriend.”

“And you were the one with the wife. With Jameson…I loved him…but it wasn’t like that. I never had that.”

“What do you mean?”

“He was…we were…we were great in bed, I’ll tell you that much, but out of it…I don’t know, I never trusted him like Olive trusts Jason. He was a flirt. He wasn’t serious about it, but it still hurt to see that he wasn’t all that different with other people than he was with me. When I catch Jason looking at Olive, even when she is doing something mundane like drinking water or generally acting like a crazy person, I see his lips tipping up. If I’m feeling extra mushy and look hard enough, I can actually see his love for her. Again, mushy, I know, but it looks beautiful on them. Love looks beautiful on them. It looks right. Before I came here…” I hesitated, not sure if I should share or not. “They were dancing with no music. In the middle of their living room, they danced with no music.”

“Ah,” he muttered, his hand moving a few inches up and down on my back—a gentle, soothing caress I wasn’t expecting. “That’s where the dance invitation came from.”

“No,” I denied quickly…a little too quickly, maybe. “No. I wasn’t jealous of them or anything like that,” I repeated. “The song. I liked the song. I came for…the song.”

“I like the song too, Lucy,” he murmured so softly I almost didn’t catch it.

Were we even talking about the song anymore? It didn’t sound like he was talking about the song.

When he didn’t continue, I closed my eyes and focused on the damn song and the lyrics again. I liked the song. Heck, I think I loved the song. I didn’t like Adam Connor, though. He wasn’t the reason I had come over. I certainly wasn’t falling for him or anything stupid like that. It didn’t matter what my heart was saying, it didn’t matter how my body lit up every time his skin was on mine. It didn’t.

Maybe.

“Relax, Lucy,” Adam muttered, and I noticed we had stopped moving. I took a deep breath and let everything out.

The song ended and started up again.

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