Page 15 of False Idols

“You were just a kid,” he says and gives me a warm smile. “I know you didn’t mean it. We’ve all made mistakes and one shouldn’t define the rest of your life, Nevaeh.”

“And what do you think about her presence on campus?”

“I think Nevaeh should be here. It’s fitting that we go on this journey together. I am personally going to visit with the school board and trustees to ensure that her scholarship remains intact. If Nevaeh goes, I go.”

There’s a few gasps and my mouth falls open. I can’t believe he just said that. I don’t move, I can’t move while I watch him approach. Beau doesn’t stop walking and comes right up to me.

When he extends a hand to me, I have to let go of Sunny to take it. Then it’s just us.

“Nevaeh is staying right here with me at Bloom State,” Beau goes on, voice still loud enough for everyone to hear. Then my dream man, the man I’ve loved since I was fifteen, the man that I thought of every day for the past four years and wondered what did I do? How could it have been me that put him away? That same man leans in close and it’s like all my dreams are coming true. In those daydreams, Beau kisses me. He holds me close and tells me that he loves me, that he always has and that he’s thought of nothing but me. It’s a perfect fairytale after a nightmare. I hold my breath, don’t dare move while Beau comes closer and the cameras flash and record around us.

No one says a word. Beau doesn’t kiss me like I’ve dreamed. Instead, he leans in close to me, the hand I’ve taken pulls me right up against him and it’s then, when my body touches his for the first time, that I feel his lips graze my ear as he speaks softly, for only me to hear.

“You took four years from me, you bitch. Now it’s time to pay.”

* * *

It’s been two hours since Beau Du Pont threatened me while cameras flashed around us. Two hours since I stumbled away from him and didn’t tell anyone a word about what he said. Instead, I let him stand beside me and pose for cameras like Mrs. Du Pont instructed. The reporters had questions, but Pastor Mike didn’t let me say too much before he pulled the pastor card and got everyone to back off. He marched us out of The Oval and towards downtown. I sat in The Pie and ate a pepperoni and jalapeño jumbo slice because if I didn’t, Sunny would probably notice and Pastor Mike ordered it special for me because he knows it’s my favorite. When we left the pizzeria, things had calmed down and the sun had started to set. Pastor Mike and the guys walked us back to our dorm before they left and it was just Sunny and me. She’s in the shower now down the hall and I’ve been sitting on my bed like I have been since we got back.

Beau threatened me. It wasn’t like my daydreams at all. It wasn’t even like my nightmares, either. In all the scenarios I tortured myself over, it never occurred to me that it would be Beau that hated me. That he would be the one threatening me. I was stunned. So much so that when Beau turned to the cameras and flashed them all a smile with his arm around my shoulder, I stayed put.

I figured it out, though. What was different about Beau’s eyes. It was the anger. Cold, mean, dark. Anger in a way that made his mother’s glares pale in comparison for all the quiet rage I now understood lived in him. I squeeze my eyes shut and drop my head into my hands. How the hell am I going to fix this? I have to think of something, especially with the entire school hating me. Beau wants me to stay and I understand why. If I’m here, he knows where I am. Of course, he’s going to talk to the board and see if he-

There’s a creak and a heavy footstep outside of the door and I freeze. I lift my head up and stare at the door. I can see a shadow through the space at the bottom and I watch. With my mom the way she is, I got used to watching for people like this. I never knew when she was spying on me. Waiting to catch me slipping so she could lecture me on how I’m going to hell. It was like all the bad the world dealt my mom came crashing down at me because I was the only place she could safely put it. She knew I wasn’t going to fight back. Not when she’d been doing it since I could walk. I’d looked at college as the place I could escape, but now it is a prison. A place that, even though I want to run from it, is the only roof over my head now that my mom has dumped all my things off via Pastor Mike.

And my scholarship? What if I lose my scholarship? I don’t know what I am going to do if that happens. Beau said he wanted to make me pay, so I know he’s going to try and make good on his appeal to the board of directors. But if he is successful, then what? My heart starts to race. I have to fight from putting my head between my knees and keep my eyes trained on the shadow that moves again. The person on the other side is still there, but what are they doing? Are they writing something else on the door? What if it’s Beau?

I stand up and take a deep breath. I’m dizzy. God why is it so hard to breathe? Maybe because the man you put in prison is free now and he’s going to make you pay. I flinch at the thought but it’s the truth. If I stay at Bloom State, Beau will have access to me and who is ever going to believe me about Beau? After what I did to him, no one is going to care if I tell them what he said today.

No one would give a shit if he does do something to me.

They wouldn’t care. My own mother fucking had all my shit dropped off by the only man in town that wouldn’t say no to doing a favor for me. My mind is racing, anxiety feels like it’s bubbling in me so hard and fast that I almost miss seeing the doorknob starting to turn. Oh my god. What if it’s Beau? He’s coming in and I’m standing here like an idiot.

“You took four years from me, you bitch. Now it’s time to pay.”

I turn to look for somewhere to hide. The closet is easiest, but it’s also the most predictable, so I drop to the floor and go to roll under my bed. I have to move faster. I hit my shoulder on the side as I try to get under the bed and the next second the door bangs open. I scream and spin to put my back against the bed. I’ll at least be able to see him coming. But when I turn, it’s only Sunny staring at me. She’s wrapped in a towel with one hand on the door and her shower caddy in her free hand.

“Are you okay?” Sunny asks me and when someone walking by laughs, she shuts the door.

“I-I’m sorry,” I choke out and press a hand to my chest. “I didn’t mean to scream,” I say instead of answering her question. I’m still sitting on the floor and when I get up, I’m shaky and have to sit down on my bed. The adrenaline that just filled my body has nowhere to go and my head throbs from the rush. I want to run, but there’s nowhere to go. No one to run from. So I stay put and try to slow my breathing down. Sunny puts her shower caddy down on her desk and turns to face me.

“Why did you scream? Did someone try something while I was gone?” Her eyes go to the floor in front of me. She knows I was trying to get under the bed, but she isn’t mentioning it.

I shake my head and press my hands to my knees. “N-no, no one tried anything.” I don’t tell her about Beau and what he said. I’ve already gotten so much more than I deserve by having Sunny as a roommate. She was so happy after the reporters and journalists let us go.

“I knew it was going to work out. You’ll see. It has to, if he’s telling them to let you stay.”

She doesn’t know that he just wants me at Bloom State so he can have access to me. I don’t want to tell her either. Telling her will just drag her in deeper. Sunny will try to help. I don’t think anyone can help me when it comes to Beau Du Pont.

“I dropped something,” I lie and get to my feet shakily. “I-I’m just a little jumpy after today.”

Sunny nods and starts to dry her hair. “I get that. Lots of changes. But tomorrow is the first day of classes. Are you excited?” She looks at me over her shoulder with a smile and my heart aches. Sunny is excited. She’s sweet. Too good of a roommate for someone like me. I can’t tell her about Beau or she’ll try to do something.

“I am. It’s going to be great.” I grab my shower things out of the box I opened earlier and am grateful that when my mom packed my things up she kept them grouped together, enough at least that I’ve been able to find my things in the boxes that I’ve unpacked and opened. “I better shower though or I’ll be rushing around tomorrow.”

Sunny hums. “Good idea. It’s pretty quiet right now. It’ll be nuts tomorrow morning if you wait.”

“See you in a bit.” I head out but stop with one hand on the door. “Hey, Sunny?”

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