Page 31 of False Idols

Sunny grabs the spigot hanging from the keg and starts filling a cup. “You’re staying and that’s that,”she says and shoves the cup in my hands. Sunny gives me a pout and I lose the fight with myself to not ruin the night. If she wants me here and I leave, isn’t that the same thing?

“All right, fine. Fine, I’ll stay.”

Sunny cheers and waves her own filled cup over her head. “This is going to be the best night ever!”

I smile and it’s a little easier to ignore the stares from everyone around us. So far no one’s said anything, which is something positive. Maybe they won’t at all and I’ll be able to blend into the crowd. Everyone is spooked about the murder that just happened. Why would anyone be thinking about me when The Reaper is out there somewhere? I follow Sunny through the crowd and take a sip of the beer. It’s bitter and cold but I take another sip because I’m nervous and it’s something to do with my hands.

The music gets louder around us and Sunny spins. “I love this song!” Sunny yells over the music to me and I nod at her. I try to move along like she is but the only thing I can focus on are the people staring at me. It feels like they’re closing in. More eyes are on me by the second and I take another deep drink of my beer. I can do this. I can ignore them. I’m going to have to if I want to survive the year. It’s hard to breathe and the room feels like it’s tilting on its side. My hands start to shake. I can’t do this. Oh god, I’m going to be sick.

Someone touches my shoulder and I scream. I drop my beer and it splashes everywhere when it hits the floor. People jump back, cussing when the beer hits them, but at least it gets them away from me.

“Who the fuck are you?” Sunny darts forward and shoves the person back from me.

“Nevaeh?” I hear them say my name and relief floods my body when I realize it’s Dean. I didn’t think I’d see him tonight. I feel bad for not answering his texts. I didn’t have it in me to go back to playing at normal after the person in the showers scared Sunny and me. God. How do I think I’m going to make any friends if this is the way I’m going to act at school?

“Dean?”

He smiles at me and tries to come forward but he can’t get around Sunny. She’s got her arms crossed and she’s planted firmly in front of me. “You know him?” she asks.

I nod. “Yeah, we have a class together. He’s okay, Sunny.”

When she steps aside Dean gives her a nod of appreciation. “Nice bodyguard work,” he says.

She salutes him with a smile. “Lots of bullies around here.”

Dean looks around the packed room and nods. “So I’ve noticed.”

“So, you’re a friend of Nev’s?”

“Nev?” He looks at me and gives an appreciative nod. “I like it. Suits you.”

“I’m the only one that calls her that, but it’s because I came up with it so no one else knows about it. You can call her that too though, since you’re a friendly,” Sunny tells him and then points at my empty cup on the floor. “I’ll go get you another one. Be right back!”

“Sunny, no, it’s okay!” I call after her but there’s no stopping her. She’s already gone and disappearing into the crowd without a backward look. I’m left standing awkwardly with Dean and I rock back on my heels. We both give each other a tight smile and I decide it’s now or never if I don’t want things to be awkward between us tonight. He was kind to me when no one else was. Even tried to get between Beau and me when he had no reason to.

“Hey, I’m sorry for not answering your texts.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you.”

In the end we both speak at the same time and I laugh while Dean rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “I hope you didn’t think it was weird that I found your profile,” he says and winces. “I really didn’t think it through when I did that. I’ve been worried you thought I was a stalker or a freak since then.”

I hold my hands up to stop him. “What? No. I swear I didn’t. If anyone’s a freak here, I think we both know it's me.”

Dean frowns and comes a step closer into my space. I try to back up but there’s nowhere to go really with the people dancing around us. It’s not like there’s a dance floor here since it’s the common area of our floor. The couches have been moved from where they were flanking the room to the corner and so have the tables to create an open space, but it’s still not big. He puts a hand on my shoulder and it doesn’t feel right. God, why is it all red in here? Someone must have switched the bulbs in the floor lamps that I know stood at regular intervals in the common room.

“That’s not true, Nev,” Dean says, taking Sunny’s nickname for me. I don’t think I like hearing him say it, but I don’t say anything. “Listen, I know that I don’t know you, but I want to. I don’t think you deserve everything that’s happening to you, or the way people are acting on campus.”

I don’t know why, but it doesn’t feel real. Maybe it’s because of last week and the nightmare that started four years ago, those were all real. Dean’s been nothing but nice to me and I don’t know what to do with it. I give him a tight smile. I look around us, trying to spot Sunny, but I can’t make anyone out in the dim red flashing party lights. It’s like there’s nothing else but the square foot that Dean and I are now standing in.

“I-I’m sorry. Everything has just been really hectic.”

“I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.” Dean’s fingers flex on my arm and the dancers are still going. Someone elbows me in the back when I try to move again.

“I, ah, I mean thank you, Dean.”

Dean’s handsome. He’s taller than me, not as tall Beau, but tall enough. He has blond hair and green eyes. When I met him I thought Dean’s eyes looked kind and open and after years of people looking at me with nothing but pity and now hate, I can tell the difference. If I was a normal girl, Dean would be the perfect kind of guy to have interested in me. I should be excited that he found me online and that he came to the party tonight.

But because I’m not a normal girl, I’m not any of those things. All I want is to get away from him because, as sweet and friendly as Dean has been, I don't trust this. Or maybe it’s not that I don’t trust it, it’s that he’s not the boy that I want.