Page 47 of False Idols

“What the fuck is going on down there, really?” Sunny yells as we move with the crowd. There’s a cheer moving through the student section. Every other student moves forward where they stand, while the one next to them leans back with the drum beats from the band. I have zero clue what’s happening on the field, but I know this cheer— the Bloom Beat. It’s the same one that we did in high school to our school fight song and they do the same thing here at Bloom State.

“I don’t know!” I yell back as we move. I have to put my hand on Sunny’s shoulder and force her to move opposite of me because she keeps syncing up with my movements. We both laugh hysterically and Sunny throws her arms out.

“I can’t help it! I have no rhythm!”

“It’s okay, I got you!” I keep my hand steady on her shoulder and help her along. Even with the party looming over me and the decision I made to see Beau after the game weighing on me, I feel light. Maybe I’m getting desensitized, what with everything going on lately. Which, considering the town I grew up in, is saying a lot. Sunny is right, though. What’s happening isn’t normal, but I don’t think I would know what to do with normal. That’s probably why I’m not scared off from Beau. He’s everything I want, but it’s warped and twisted into a dangerous package no sane person should want. Sunny shrieks and throws her arms out in frustration when she slams into me, but I force her back into the right rhythm again and laugh with her. A cheer goes up on the field and I see someone score a touchdown.

“Nice!” I yell and jump with everyone else. Someone I don’t know high fives me while the student section loses its collective shit. We’re having fun. It’s a perfect fall evening before the bitter chill of winter sets in, one of those perfect nights that you think of when someone says football season. And it’s all mine. The smile vanishes from my face when I see hard eyes staring up at me.

Minnie.

She’s about six rows down and dead center in front of me, but while everyone else is jumping, clapping and screaming, she’s not moving. She’s staring straight at me with her arms crossed over her chest. Hate. That’s the only way I can describe how she’s looking at me. I’ve never really seen Minnie hate anything, except for when the truth about Beau and what I saw that night came out. She hated me then and she hates me now. God, why is she staring at me?

A chill passes through me and I go still under her hateful gaze. I don’t know what to do or where to go, but then Sunny throws her arms around my waist and lifts me.

“This is so fun!” she screams.

When she puts me back down on my feet, Minnie isn’t there anymore. I scan the audience trying to find her, but there’s nothing. Everyone is a stranger and there’s nothing but smiling faces, no hard eyes or glares. Minnie vanished in that split second. I don’t know why, but that scares me worse than when she was looking at me. The light energy I felt during the game is gone and I spend the rest of the game tense and watching for Minnie. She never pops back up, which is a good thing. But I can’t get the way she was looking at me out of my head. I’m so focused on trying to find her that I don’t even really realize that the game is over until Sunny is nudging me in the ribs.

“Do you want to get some food before the party? What time was it again?” she asks, pulling her phone out. I see 8:30 flash on the screen. I have zero clue when the party is starting. The only thing I have is an address and a threat from Beau, but I know exactly what I need to do to find out.

“I have a friend I can go ask,” I tell her, stepping towards the aisle. “Stay here and I’ll go ask them.”

“Awesome! I’ll stay put!” Sunny gives me a thumbs up and I don’t miss that she’s already got some guy talking to her.

“I’ll hurry. Text me if you need me to come back,” I tell her and look at the guy meaningfully.

Sunny rolls her eyes and makes a shooing motion at me. “Don’t worry, I can handle him. Go talk to your friend.” From the singsong tone in her voice, I know Sunny’s guessed I’m sneaking off to talk to someone I like. She was so excited to get me to talk to Dean, that I bet she hopes it’s him. I really don’t know how I’m going to tell her it’s Beau. Maybe when I see him tonight he’s going to tell me that he’s done with me. That he wanted to scare me and he did it and things are over.

Maybe when I confront him, he’ll tell me everything was one huge mistake.

I know that’s not going to happen, but I can’t help but think it. It’s a last ditch effort to make sense of everything. That all of this is a bad prank and now it’s over. I wrap my arms around myself when the wind picks up. Kansas is a windy place, sometimes the wind blows so hard and so often that it feels like you’re at the beach. I’m happy right now isn’t one of those times, but the breeze blowing through the night is chilly. All around me everyone is happy and laughing, running down the stairs and sprinting towards the football field. I don’t really know why since it’s a small game, but I’m not going to begrudge anyone their happiness. The band is still playing in the stands while fans cheer and dance along, but it doesn’t feel real. For some reason, not a lot of things have felt real in my life since the night Carrie died. But there is one night that makes me believe things can change.

The night of the party. The night Beau took what he wanted from me and made me see stars. That’s the night everything feels like it’s hinged on. One wrong move in either direction can send the fragile deck of cards holding up my life to the floor. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me when the semester lets out and the school forces everyone out of the dorms. It’s radio silence from my mom, which means I’m not welcome home. Maybe I’ll stay here. Maybe I’ll leave. Transfer somewhere new and try to start over. The thought of leaving Sunny makes my heart hurt.

She’s a real friend. I haven’t had a real friend in a long time. Maybe ever.

I duck my head and keep walking down the cement steps and head into the stadium. I know where the locker room is because I made sure to find the signs earlier. It’s a few minutes walk away from the field and I find it without trouble. When I get there, players are filing out and joining their waiting families and friends. They have wet hair and towels around their necks, duffle bags on their shoulders and smiles on their faces. I lean against the wall and clasp my hands in front of me because I don’t know what else to do. I know people are noticing me.

I get why, even after a week of peace, they’re stopping to look my way on their walk down the hall from the locker rooms. It would be weird for the football team to ignore me when they tried to leave me out for The Reaper like a sacrifice and all that. But I’m proud of myself, because I do something I haven’t done before. Not really.

I ignore them.

I outright ignore the stares and let it roll off me like water off a duck’s back. I don’t care, I tell myself, as I force myself not to. Maybe everyone I see that seems like they don’t care really does, but they're pretending. Maybe pretending you don’t care is how you actually get there. I do my best until a familiar figure walks out of the locker room and stops a second later. I should have known it wouldn’t take long for Beau to see me. I push away from the wall and stand taller while he looks me over. His eyes move from my feet to my head and back again, before they come to my neck. I’m wearing a Bloom State shirt with a V-neck. It’s a cute shirt with a cougar on the front, the school’s mascot. It’s one of my favorites that I’ve had for a few years. It was an easy choice for the game, even if I know what Beau is looking at.

His eyes are my neck. The bandage on my neck. The wound he gave me wasn’t deep and it’s scabbing over nicely, but it still looks angry around the edges. I’d rather get a look because I’m wearing a bandage than have people see the cut he gave me.

Beau walks up to me and stops a foot away. “You’re covering my mark, Nevaeh. Can’t say that I’m a fan.”

I cross my arms and shrug. “Can’t say that I’m a fan of your mark, Beau.”

His blue eyes light up and he grins at me. “You’re sassy tonight. Good. I like it when you fight me.”

That surprises me. I fall back a step but I hold his gaze, even when he comes a step closer. I feel like prey trapped in front of a snake. He’s tracking my movements. Any wrong move and he’s going to strike. God, why did I think this was a good idea? I feel out of my depth now that I’m standing in front of Beau.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean, I like it when you struggle. I like it when you convince yourself you don’t want what I’m doing to you. I want you to run, angel. Are you going to run for me tonight?”

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