Page 59 of False Idols

Deal smiles the second we hear the fast paced bass beats change to a slow and sultry song. “All right, let’s dance,” he says, now seemingly okay with the song choice. I’m glad that I’m tipsy or buzzed or whatever it is that happens when you have three shots in fifteen minutes, because if I wasn’t feeling as pleasant as I am I’d probably find a way out of this. Dean comes close and wraps a loose arm around my waist while the other comes to rest on my hip. Despite the alcohol, I feel awkward. I never learned to dance like this. The only dancing that I ever did with anyone came with steps to follow and the annoying little chirp of the youth leader saying “leave room for the Holy Spirit!” any time anyone got a little too close to their partner.

That’s the only dancing that I know how to do. I don't know how to do this kind of dancing, but I try. I don’t think Dean would buy me calling a rain check after I just begged him to dance with me. He’d know something was up. Even if I was willing to fight with Beau earlier, I’m not one for confrontation. Making Beau angry is fine with me, because it’s Beau. Any attention I get from him feels good. It’s what I crave. It’s not like that with Dean, so I keep my mouth shut and sway as best as I can with him. I turn my face to the side because it feels safer than looking directly up at Dean. If I do that, I’m worried he’s going to take it as an invitation for more. But when I look to the side I almost scream at who I see staring back at me.

Beau.

Beau and the blonde girl that’s always hanging all over him. Anger flares through my body at the sight of them together. They’re on one of the couches facing the dance floor, but it’s set further back than the rest. No one is looking at them because they are in the shadows. I wonder how long they’ve been there together. Maybe the whole time I was taking shots with Sunny in the kitchen. Did Beau see me come into the house?

I bet he did.

Shadows fall over them and the purple LED lights cast them in an ethereal glow. It makes the girl’s hair shine platinum while Beau’s seems to get darker. I swallow hard and look her over. She's wearing a short little white dress that flares out and I’m struck by deja vu. The dress looks so much like Carrie’s dress. The light makes it hard for me not to think of Carrie Salt’s hair. All of that beautiful hair stained red with blood. I bite my lip and the pain chases away the thought of Carrie. This girl isn’t Carrie. But just like Carrie, she’s someone Beau wants even though I’m here. The girl is sitting turned to the side, with her legs over Beau’s lap as she plays with his hair and smiles up at him. I see her mouth move. She’s talking but Beau doesn’t say anything, he just inclines his head so I know he’s listening to her while he stares at me.

Why is he watching me if she’s here with him?

I think of the night he took my virginity and how I saw them kissing right after. That had felt like a knife through my chest. I’d hated every second of it and here they are, after Beau and I had sex again. Is she his girlfriend? Is he cheating on her with me? Bile rises in my throat and I suddenly realize I’ve had too much alcohol in too little time. I clap a hand over my mouth to keep it down.

Oh god, what if I puke right here in front of everyone? Just one more thing for me to try and live down at Bloom State. I swallow hard and force my stomach to keep it together while Beau watches me. He looks lazy. Bored. At least, if I didn’t know him. His eyes have the same cruel and sharp edge to them they had in the storage room today. It’s a look that’s only for me. Even in a crowded room, no one else sees this side of Beau but me. I don’t turn my face away when I feel Dean’s hand move lower. His fingers are dangerously close to my ass. When I see Beau’s eyes track the movement, the sharp look goes dark.

His jaw tightens and he leans forward just an inch. He’s pissed Dean is touching me. Good. I’m glad he’s angry, because he’s here with another girl. Right on cue, the blonde girl throws her head back and laughs. The sound of it cuts right through the soft music that’s playing and a few people glance their way, but Dean doesn’t notice. His attention is all mine.

He lowers his head and murmurs against my ear while I watch Beau. “You’re a great friend, Nevaeh.”

“You are too.”

“The best. I’m so glad that we’re getting to spend some alone time, you know? I want to get to know you better.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Dean’s hand on my hip starts to move but I beat him to it and turn away from him, so that my back is to his front. Giving him my back is bad, at least from what I remember from some of those self-defense seminars they make all the girls go to every year to be ready when The Reaper comes for us. I don’t really care about giving Dean my back though, because none of the girls The Reaper came for escaped, and wherever Dean was about to touch me is stopped. Plus, I can keep eyes on Beau this way. It seems like the best move I can make in the situation.

“I think you’re really smart,” Dean says while I watch Beau and the girl. Beau’s pissed all right and he’s moving the girl closer. Her legs aren’t in his lap anymore. She’s sitting in front of him with his legs splayed on either side of her with her back to his front, facing me. When he forces her legs wider, I can see everything. My face goes hot while I watch Beau’s hand. He’s got one on her hip, but the other is moving. It slides up her leg and under the hem of the dress she’s wearing until his hand is hidden beneath the fabric.

I might have been a virgin until last week but I know exactly what’s going on. The girl’s eyes flutter closed and she leans her head back against Beau. When her lips part, I can practically hear the moan that comes from her mouth. I know what she would sound like, even if I can’t hear her. The music is too loud and there’s too much space between us. They’re across the room—there’s no way I can hear her. It doesn’t stop my memories from filling in the blanks.

I know what she sounds like because Beau’s made me moan for him.

“Nevaeh, I have to tell you. I like you. I like you a lot.”

Dean’s arm comes around my waist and I grab it. I dig my fingernails into his arm when I see Beau’s arm move faster. The girl grabs his thigh and opens her eyes to look up at him. I watch the needy and hungry look on her face until it’s the only thing I can see. I should look away, but I don’t want to. I want to watch her come apart, because that’s something I know too. Her forehead furrows and her eyes go wide. She doesn’t dare look away from Beau, but he’s not watching her. I don’t have to look at him to know where he’s looking.

His eyes are on me while he’s touching her.

“I know you like me too.”

I don’t respond. I just keep my eyes on her. I have to see what Beau’s going to do to her, because I can’t be the only one he tears apart so carelessly. I have to see him do it to her too. Her cheeks have gone pink, probably as pink as mine from watching them, and her hair falls forward across her face. I see the smile start to form on her full lips before they form a perfect O of surprise before Beau’s big hand is there, covering her mouth and stealing the sound of her cry.

“Nevaeh, look at me.”

My eyes go to Beau and just like I knew he would, he’s looking back at me. The girl in his lap is writhing, but other than the hand over her mouth keeping her quiet, he doesn’t notice what she’s doing. Beau’s lips curve up and the smile he sends my way is arrogant, cocky, self-assured. He knows how affected I am by what I just saw and he loves it. He licks his bottom lip and I almost moan watching his tongue move. I want to be the girl in his arms. If I was, he would care.

I know he would.

“Nevaeh.”

I jump because it isn’t Beau that is telling me to look at him. It's Dean. Oh my fucking god. Dean. I whirl around to look at Dean and see he’s looking at me with a dreamy smile on his face. He looks content to be here with me. Why? There’s nothing special about me. Why would he be looking at me like that?

“Dean, I-”

He grabs my hands and brings them to his chest. “Nevaeh, go out with me.”

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