Page 7 of False Idols

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“Someone will be by with your boxes,” my mom says when she drops me off at campus. She doesn’t bother sticking around or giving me any other information than that. I’m lucky, I guess, that she at least did it in front of my dorm. Even though I have to carry my duffle bag and suitcases up the stairs to my dorm room, at least I don’t have to walk across campus to do it. People stare at me and I see a few of my old friends, but they ignore me. My phone hasn’t gotten a single message other than threats from people angry at what I did to Beau. At least I’m on scholarship, I guess. If I wasn’t, then I’d be paying for what I did to Beau in more ways than one. But when I look at everyone around me and see the hate in their eyes, my plan to ride this out and pay for what I did wavers.

I don’t think I’m strong enough to do this.

“That’s her. I can’t believe she came this year. ” I hear someone say. They aren’t even bothering to lower their voice. There are others who do, though, and they whisper when I pass by. I wasn’t good with attention before, but after the Mineral Belt Murder, people paid attention to me. But it wasn’t like this. After the Mineral Belt, people treated me nicely and went out of their way to see if I was doing all right. They didn’t look down at my mom and me anymore. I know that’s what my mom misses the most right now. She’s never been one to take the judgment of everyone at the church. I don’t know why she keeps going, but I know she will until she takes her last breath. It’s a relief to not have to go anymore. I couldn’t take the stares, the sympathetic looks when someone heard that I was that girl.

I’m relieved Beau has been found innocent, because now I’m not that girl anymore. I’m not the survivor. The one people take care to treat like glass, even though I’ve doubted what I saw that night for years. It’s like a weight has been lifted off of me, even though everyone hates me now. Because I don’t have to be her.

The girl that survived the Mineral Belt.

The one that beat The Reaper.

None of it was true.

All I did was put the boy I loved away in prison and spent the next four years wishing I’d never said anything at all. Wishing that I never decided to set foot on that trail. I don’t think I’ve wished for that more than I do right now, with everyone staring me down as I walk the halls of my new dorm. Morris Hall. I’d been excited to be assigned here just a couple of weeks before but did I trade one prison for another? Before, I was trapped with my thoughts—my doubt and fear about that night, but now? Now, it’s made real with the students I’m supposed to be spending the next four years with watching me like they want me dead.

I don’t want to see them looking at me. I duck my head and keep walking until I get to the fourth floor and find room 412.

My name is written in purple dry erase marker on the little board someone stuck to the front of the door. There’s another name, O’Malley, but that’s not all. Someone wrote LYING CUNT through my name. I freeze when I see it and I hear someone laugh. I bet it’s whoever did it, but I don’t give them the reaction they want. It’ll just make it worse. I shoulder open the dorm room door and stick my head in to see that it’s empty.

Someone else has been here, though. I see boxes in the middle of the room but they haven’t made a move to set up camp on either side yet. I wonder if they’re waiting for me to pick. It’s a nice gesture, but I make it another step when another idea comes to me. What if they know who I am and they don’t want to stay here? What if they’re going to get the RA to tell them to give them another room?

I bite my lip and drop my bags. I hadn’t thought of that. When we got our room assignments I’d still been a normal girl that went to choir practice and had friends. A best friend, even. My chest goes tight thinking about Minnie. She was my best friend since the summer I ran down the Mineral Belt Trail and called Beau Du Pont a killer. The weeks and months after that night are a blur to me when I try to think about what happened. There were so many people reaching out to my mom and me. Her business tripled overnight with well wishers wanting to do their part and show that “when Bloom’s very own has a need, Bloom makes sure to show up for them”, or at least, that’s what they said when they gave my mom their business. One client led to five and that led to fifty and now she owns Blooming Heart’s Cleaning Service. That rush got us out of our trailer by the end of the month and into a house in a neighborhood my mom had always driven us by and called our “someday dream home.” A realtor from Crown of Thorns came through for us and made sure we were given the price the “lord put on her heart.” It was sold to us at a loss, but again the community insisted on it because of what happened on the Mineral Belt. But while my mom got the house, the job, and the respect she’d always coveted—I got something out of it, too.

Friends. People that I thought wanted me around.

Minnie appeared the first day we were in our new dream home. We’d been inseparable since then. I’d never had a best friend before. She was my next door neighbor and I felt just like one of those girls in a sitcom with a perfect life, having Minnie next door. She was a year younger and a year behind me in school and when I decided to come to Bloom State this Fall, it felt perfect getting to start college with my best friend. I miss her, but her silence tells me everything I need to know.

Minnie doesn’t miss me.

Maybe just because she was my best friend, doesn’t mean that I was hers. Her dorm room is just a floor below mine. We’d made plans to try and get our roommates to switch with us so we could room together. All of that’s over now. If my best friend doesn’t want to live with me, why would a stranger want to do it? I’m sure they won’t and I’ll be the one to offer to move. They shouldn’t be the one to do it when I’m the one everyone hates.

“Oh my gosh, hey!” There’s a voice behind me and I jump at the sound. “Are you my roommate?”

I whirl around to see a girl in the door with her arms full of pillows. She can’t see over the pile and peeks out at me from the side of her pile. There’s a bright smile on her pretty face and when she marches past me to drop her pillows on her bed, I don’t know what to say other than, “Y-yeah, that’s me.”

“I am so excited for this year!” She tells me and throws her pillows down. “We are going to have so much fun! I promise, you won’t regret living with me.” She’s bubbly and happy, and feels like just the kind of person you would want to start college with. The girl is petite, shorter than me by a few inches, with wide green eyes and blond hair that’s piled on top of her head with a clip. She has on a Bloom State tank and a pair of cheer shorts. There’s no way she’s going to want to room with me when she figures out who I am.

“Listen, about that,” I start and try to interrupt her, but it’s no use.

“I wanted to wait until you were here for us to pick sides, so let me know which one you want, okay?” She practically bounces up to me and extends her hand. “I’m Sunny. Sunny Harold.”

I stare at her hand. I know I’m supposed to take it and introduce myself, but there’s something about the open and sweet way Sunny is talking to me. She’s genuinely excited for this year, and for me to be her roommate. I know it’s not me that she’s excited to see. Sunny would be…well, this sunny with anyone that happened to be her roommate, but it’s nice to think it’s because it’s me that she’s so happy.

“Hello?” Sunny blinks up at me and I realize I’ve been staring at her like a weirdo. Great. I quickly take her hand and force a smile to my face.

“I’m Nevaeh. Pleased to meet you.”

I half expect Sunny to rip her hand from mine and to tell me to get the fuck out of the room, but she doesn’t. She keeps smiling and shakes my hand.

“Oh my gosh, your name is so cool! Nevaeh,” she pauses and taps her finger on her chin, “that’s heaven backwards, isn’t it?”

I smile weakly at her and nod. “Yeah, it is.”

“So cool.”

“My mom is kinda, kind of a religious nut, you know?”

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