Page 39 of I see you Beauty

But he doesn’t let me get any further because as soon as I’ve said the words, he shakes his head decisively, enters the shed completely, and closes the door behind him. He plunges us into semi-darkness so that only the dim light shines through the frosted glass and forces me further backward.

“No. I don’t want to hear this. You… can’t end this with us, Beauty. It didn’t even really start… you’re not happy with him,” he interjects, not listening to what I say.

“Ezra… I’m married and over ten years older than you. This thing with us… it’s going nowhere. Besides, I love my husband,” I try to reason with him and look at him insistently.

A contemptuous snort leaves his full lips, which I know I will miss, even though I shouldn’t. Damn it, don’t make it so difficult for me!

Still, I shake my head again and hold my hand between us so he understands I’m serious.

“You’re telling me you’ll be happy with him? Are happy with him? That’s bullshit, and you know it! I’ve already had to stop you from doing something stupid several times so you wouldn’t hurt yourself, and you think that was because you’re oh so happy?” He is almost shouting now.

I can’t believe what he’s saying, and I stare at him in shock until anger takes over. It’s not fair that he’s here doing this.

“This isn’t serious for you. You only want me as another notch on your bedpost. And I’m not even your type, as I’ve seen so well over the last few weeks,” I hiss back, angrily putting my hands on my hips as I glare at him admonishingly.

His jaw tightens before he turns his face away from me, knowing I’m right. But after a moment, he shakes his head weakly before his gaze finds me again.

“You have no idea… All those women meant nothing to me. I can’t even remember their names because I’ve only seen and tasted you. Heard you. It was only you I fucked in my imagination instead of those women… You have no idea how much I want you and how much I don’t fucking care about any other woman in this world… But you don’t want me. You want to stay with your abusive husband who isn’t the least bit interested in you and who doesn’t fulfill your needs—doesn’t even notice them. I wish you all the best, Mrs. Shepherd,” the last words come out in a rasp before he gives me another respectful nod.

I don’t even get a chance to say anything; he disappears as quickly as he arrives. I don’t know what to say or how to feel now. It’s as if everything is running past me like a black-and-white movie, and I’m stuck in the middle of it as a viewer, unable to intervene, only watching as the heroes in this movie face their enemies.

Shouldn’t I be feeling better now? Relieved? I expected to feel different, but instead, I feel completely confused and strangely… lonely. I try to convince myself it’s for the best. Anything else would have ended in disaster, and I’m not prepared to unleash chaos on my family.

I will forget you, Ezra King, because it’s better this way…

Chapter Twenty-Eight

FUCK!!!

My insides are almost shattering because you forced me to say those horrible words. I can’t lose you, Beauty! Because if I lose you, I’ll lose my mind, too. And if that happens, I can no longer guarantee anything.

I quickly step into my garage and shut the door behind me. I had to escape from you because the darkness inside me was reaching dangerously for you. But it mustn’t get you; otherwise, the same thing will happen to you as it did to her.

Roaring, I clutch my skull and squeeze so hard that it hurts. But I can’t stand the angry voices in my head any other way. They scream at me so loudly and hatefully for letting you go that I feel like I might lose control. I sink to my knees as I pull at my short hair, trying to divert my anger and distract the boiling rage inside me. But it doesn’t work. Images of the past catch up with me relentlessly, showing me what happened the last time I was so unspeakably angry.

I see her blood. His blood. Both of their blood mixing. I had to cover my tracks and make it look like an accident. But it wasn’t an accident. The voices in my head. They made me punish her for cheating on me. She wasn’t allowed to cheat on me because she was mine alone. Only I was allowed to touch her, taste her, kiss her, and no one else. But my best friend believed that what was mine was also his. Wrong, buddy, because I don’t share what’s mine. Ever!

A pained cry escapes my throat as the images try to overwhelm me. Then I see you lying lifeless on the floor at my feet instead of my ex. Your blood, it’s on my hands if you’re not mine soon! You have to be mine! Mine alone! Fuck, Beauty, do you see what you’re doing to me…?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Aweek has passed, and I’ve been trying to ignore the bitter feeling in my chest that grows stronger each day without seeing Ezra, without talking to him, and without being captivated by his strong presence.

Our fling wasn’t even serious. I can’t have feelings for a man other than my husband. And for a younger one at that… but why do I feel so bad? I’m restless and irritable, not like myself. I want to crawl under the covers and cry all day.

Is this all because of Ezra? How can that be? I don’t really know him, yet I miss him in a way that almost drives me crazy. I’m so unfocused. Damn! I thought I’d feel better if I cut you out of my life and did the right thing.

Don’t they say you’ll be rewarded for doing the right thing? Then why do I feel worse than I ever have in my life…?

Throughout the morning, I somehow tried to clear my head by heading to the mall. But I didn’t even make it out of the car, as the masses of people storming across the parking lot like ants completely overwhelmed me. So I turned around and headed straight home.

I ignore Kelly’s calls, which have been terrorizing my phone since this morning, because I don’t know what to say to her. But the knot in my chest, which is gradually threatening to suffocate me, gets bigger and bigger the longer I keep it all bottled up.

I can talk to Kelly about anything. But not about this. I know she doesn’t approve of my husband, and I don’t need anyone encouraging me to cheat on him. I need a friend to tell me that my decision was right, that the burning sensation in my chest is not heartbreak, but my guilty conscience for almost crossing a line. I need a friend like that now, but Kelly isn’t that kind of person. So, it’s better to keep quiet and work through this on my own.

After calling for the thousandth time, I decide to pick up the phone after all, sighing as I come to a stop at a traffic light.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” she greets me. I can hear the worry in her voice, and my decision falters. Oh damn!

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