Page 62 of I see you Beauty

I’m so confused. On the one hand, I want to push him off me and scream at him never to touch me again because if he does, I’ll weaken again and won’t be able to resist him because I want him. Damn it, I want Ezra so much. I want to pull him to me and kiss him until we’re breathless and then ask him to pick up where he left off. I don’t want to think about my husband when I’m with Ezra. Nor do I want our everyday problems to exist here when we’re together.

Overwhelmed by my jumbled thoughts and feelings, I turn off my thoughts and the admonishing voice for a second and rush toward Ezra to bridge the distance I’ve created again and jump into his arms to kiss him for the first and last time today. I claw into his strong shoulders and wrap my legs around his hips, leaving Ezra to steal my breath away once again with a kiss.

“I want to ask you out tomorrow night,” he murmurs between kisses against my swollen lips.

I nod eagerly because there’s no other option. I want to spend time with Ezra. I want to be close to him and simply forget everything around me. He ends the kiss slowly, sets me back on my feet, and releases me. We both know it’s time for me to go. I can’t put it off any longer. If it’s not too late. Either way, I’ll only find out if I finally go now. Even if I don’t want to…

Ezra interlaces his fingers with mine and walks me to his bedroom door. But before he opens it, he pauses and reaches blindly for something on his bedside table.

“Here. Give me your number.”

He holds his unlocked cell phone under my nose. Blinded by the bright light of his screen, I squint my eyes slightly, as they have already become accustomed to the darkness.

Unsure, I take his phone and pause for a moment, wondering whether it’s wise to give him my number so that he can always text me. It’s already difficult enough not to get caught by my husband, but if we’re texting, there’s solid evidence on my phone…

“Don’t worry, Beauty. I’ll be your dirty little secret until you decide otherwise. This is only on your terms. Okay? I won’t force you to do anything you’re not ready for or don’t want,” he promises me and kisses my cheek.

“And what was that just then? You wanted me to promise you I wouldn’t sleep with my husband anymore,” I counter, looking up at him with a raised eyebrow.

That audacious grin that always makes me weak creeps onto his face again.

“Like I said, I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to,” he replies cheekily.

I bite my lower lip to keep myself from smirking because Ezra is right, but I can’t admit it. I can’t promise him I won’t sleep with my husband again. That’s absurd. And yet I almost promised you, if Thomas hadn’t interrupted us…

I quickly shake off this thought, lower my eyes, and enter my number into his cell phone before handing it back to him. He gives me a quick kiss and lets me go. I hurriedly sneak through his house and out of the back door into his garden. It’s hard to keep my bearings in the dark. I keep glancing up at our house, which is already in complete darkness again. Has Thomas gone back to sleep? I hope so.

I quietly open the front door, head inside, and quickly enter the code for the alarm system before listening into the darkness. But the house is completely silent. Thomas seems to have gone back to sleep.

I go into the kitchen to have another glass of wine. At least that way, I have an alibi. My thoughts are racing through my head. So much has happened that I can’t take it all in and put it all together. I must talk to Kelly tomorrow. Maybe she’ll have some advice for me, besides the fact that I should enjoy it. How am I supposed to enjoy cheating on my husband? Well. I enjoy it. I don’t want to admit it because I’m a good person and thought I’d be a good wife. Damn it!

But then why does it feel so damn good and somehow not wrong at all with Ezra when he’s around me and making me feel all these amazing things? Why does my whole body burn for him and only want to belong to him, at least sexually? Where do all these contradictory feelings come from when I hardly know this guy and am actually happy with Thomas? At least, I thought I was, but everything feels so… wrong right now. It’s like I’ve woken up in an absurd movie, and the plots and characters don’t fit at all with the part of the movie’s first half.

After three glasses of wine, this little fog forms in my head, and everything feels wrapped in cotton. My thoughts don’t make much sense anymore, so it’s probably best to finally sleep. It’s already late. It is well past 3 a.m., and theoretically, the alarm will ring again tomorrow morning so I can get Thomas’s coffee and breakfast ready. I’m too exhausted and perhaps a little too drunk to get by on just three hours’ sleep. He’s given me the day off, and I will enjoy these days off.

Staggering slightly, I walk up the stairs and into our bedroom. I ignore the throbbing between my legs that won’t stop. Even though I can’t hide the smile when I think of Ezra’s words. I’m really excited to see what he has planned for us. Whether I accept it is not up for debate. I can tell myself as much as I want that there’s nothing between Ezra and me, but in the end, I should know better, and resisting it doesn’t help, as I’ve just discovered. Otherwise, I would hardly have snuck out of my husband’s bed and into his in the middle of the night so that Ezra could give me what Thomas couldn’t.

Ezra has awakened a desire in me I didn’t even know I had. But maybe it’s also because I’ve only slept with one man in my life so far. I’m not saying that Thomas and I have bad sex, but since I have a comparison and know that it can be different… it’s hard not to say otherwise. Ezra triggers a fire in me I didn’t know before, but now I don’t want to miss it. I feel young and free right now, as if all doors are open to me. It’s as though I have a choice and could choose another man if I wanted to.

I didn’t have that choice back then because when I got pregnant, it was clear I was going to marry Thomas and share the rest of my life with him. And I wouldn’t change it. I love my daughter and our little family. But with Ezra, I still have that choice and can now do whatever I want without the sky falling in on me. Of course, I know I can’t leave my husband for Ezra. But I can imagine it, and I do, as often as I want to…

Slightly tipsy, I climb into bed with my husband and fall asleep faster than I thought I would without waking him up again, which I’m glad about because I want to have the conversation about where I was with a rational mind.

“May I know where you were last night?” I am rudely awakened from my sleep.

“Hm?” I mumble sleepily as my eyes fall shut again because I’m just so exhausted.

“Cora, damn it!” Thomas scolds me, and I’m wide awake in a second.

Startled, I straighten up and quickly tidy my mane, which is hanging wildly in my face.

“I… had some wine outside yesterday because I couldn’t sleep. Sorry about that. It must have been late, and I didn’t hear the alarm clock.” I try to defuse the situation.

Yesterday, in my slightly tipsy state, it all sounded much more logical. But now, looking at it soberly, it wasn’t exactly a brilliant performance on my part. Especially not when I look at him like this. Thomas stands in front of our bed with his arms crossed in front of his chest and looks down at me admonishingly.

“Cora… This behavior is unacceptable. I’ve told you often enough in the last few weeks! I will not repeat myself. I’m going to work now, and when I get home tonight, you’ll be waiting for me with dinner as usual.” With that, he turns and leaves our bedroom without giving me the chance to reply.

Even though his tone annoys me, I refrain from chasing after him because I don’t want to get into another argument with him early in the morning. So I don’t tell him I won’t be there tonight. He’ll find his dinner in the oven and a note on the dining table telling him I’m out with Kelly. As there will be a fuss either way, I’ll at least save myself the discussion beforehand.

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