Page 58 of The Billionaire's Masquerade Ball

Chapter 16

Xander had a throbbing headache by the end of the afternoon. He had been gritting his teeth for hour. A line of women in formal gowns still stretched through the lobby of the building and it was almost five o’clock. Xander had never been speed dating, but felt like this had to be similar. Wyatt probably had the exact numbers, but something like two hundred women had been through the doors. He sent the entire office staff home after lunch. It was too distracting for them to do any work and it was just letting them start their Christmas break early. But he really wanted them gone because it was too embarrassing for Xander personally.

More women than could possibly have been at the masquerade gala showed up, which was to be expected. Xander had not expected so many of the women he had been on dates with to come. Some of them wanted to know why he only took them out once. A few asked or begged for a second chance. Two slapped him. More than one propositioned him.

Because he had not slept with any of the women and hadn’t even kissed any of them (aside from the unwelcome kiss from Olivia), Xander had let himself think that this casual dating was okay. He didn’t think anyone was getting hurt.

But seeing woman after woman come through the room they had set up for this, Xander realized how naïve he had been. Keeping the women he dated at arm’s length didn’t protect them from being hurt. He spent most of the day apologizing.

He had never felt so disgusted with himself. He was thankful for the small chance to do even a little bit of what felt like penance. It felt like closing a door somehow on how he had lived and more than that, it felt like the end of who he had been living as. He wouldn’t be having any more superficial relationships. Or relationships plural.

There was only one woman he wanted and Xander was afraid he had completely obliterated his chances there. But he had one more big gesture that he hoped was enough.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Eliza hung on one side of Xander’s chair and he shifted away from her body, which she was pressing toward him.

“I’d love some water, thank you.” Xander asked for this more out of a need to get her away from him. He had requested a ten-minute break to run to the bathroom and just have a few minutes of rest from having to talk or apologize or see a look of disappointment in another woman’s eyes.

The feeling of disgust Xander had for his own mistakes was only rivaled by the way he felt having Gail and her family running the event. Judy had been resistant when he asked her to call and offer them whatever amount it would take to get Looking Glass to take care of this last-minute event. It would have been a tough job for anyone, with less than twenty-four hours to prepare. Cynder could have made something work. But without her, Looking Glass was floundering.

Xander had no doubt that Gail really tried, but he could see the frustration she had with how useless her children were. Eliza and Crystal did nothing other than try to get his attention. Patrick made sure that he had a position that kept him close to all the women. Xander saw more than one woman speak sharply to him about something he said or his proximity.

His stomach churned at the sight. In his own way, he hadn’t been any better than Patrick. He wasn’t using them physically, but Xander had used women for years. They had been props to him, helping build up the image he used to keep himself closed off. How could he have been so blind? So careless with other people?

Gail looked exhausted, trying to keep everything running by herself. He didn’t feel a bit sorry for her, though. It was exactly what he was hoping for.

“Gail!” he called. Her face looked pinched as she came forward. “Because it’s getting so late, I think it would be nice to have sandwiches or more substantial food. So many of these women have been waiting for hours. Can you take care of that? Thanks.”

“Of course,” she said, but Xander could read the frustration in her voice. Eliza brought Xander his water at that moment and looked disappointed when her mother pulled her away. Xander smiled as they walked away.

“Are you surviving?” Wyatt asked. “This is pretty insane. I don’t know whether to envy you or feel sorry for you that this many women want you.”

“Plenty of them don’t want me and came down here to tell me,” Xander said. “This is pretty miserable, but I feel like it’s been good for me.”

Wyatt looked surprised that Xander was talking to him like this. “Really? How?”

Xander took a sip of his water. “It’s just solidified the knowledge that I don’t want this life anymore. I don’t want to look like a playboy. I don’t want to lead women on, toying with their emotions. I had mine shut away, but that didn’t mean they did. I want to stop being so on the surface.”

“Wow,” Wyatt said.

“What?”

“This is the most not-surface conversation we’ve had.”

“We’ll likely be having more of them. Also, I think it’s time we reevaluate your position at Obsidian. Don’t look scared. I’m talking about a better position, better pay. You aren’t a personal assistant anymore. Merry Christmas.”

Wyatt smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “Thank you, Xander. Wow. Just, wow.”

“I’ll know not to add speech-writing to your duties.”

“Probably a good idea. Hey, before they start sending women back in, have you found her yet? The one?”

Xander made a face. “No. I doubt she’ll come and I don’t really want her to.”

“Why not?”

“It would just mean disappointment for her.”

“You’re not interested?”

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