Page 5 of The Sandover Beach Billionaire

“Jenna only sees who I used to be. I’m not ever going to be able to escape that guy—the one who had shallow relationships and flunked out of business school.”

“Jax, look. You don’t stop struggling when you become a Christian. You struggle more because you see the things you’re doing differently. You have a sense of conviction now that you didn’t then. It’s always going to be hard to look back. But you are not your past. It shaped you but doesn’t have to define you. Your actions don’t simply disappear, but you can’t let shame over things you’ve done poison you. Even if Jenna sees your past when she looks at you right now. She’s wrong, by the way. And I hope she realizes it.”

“It’s a wasted hope.”

“You don’t know that. But even if she doesn’t ever change how she sees you, remember: as far as east is from west—that’s what the Bible says. You’re not carrying your past around anymore. It happened. But you can’t wear it around anymore, letting it weigh you down. East from West, man.”

“It doesn’t feel that way,” Jackson said. “I can still see every person I used and hurt. It’s still all right here with me, all the time.”

An alarm blared in the background. “I’ve got to go. Look, sometimes we don’t feel the truth. We have to actively choose to believe it. Are you at home?”

“Yeah.”

“Go hit the bag, Jax.”

Five minutes later Jackson had stripped down to a T-shirt with his hands taped, ready to go to war on his memories and feelings. Jackson warmed up with a few jabs, feeling the tension leave his body as he hopped lightly from foot to foot. The first couple of hard swings sent pain shooting up his hands and through his arms, but after a few minutes, he felt nothing but the power of his hands connecting with the heavy bag. Just over the dunes, the ocean roared, an echo of his emotions.

As his fists connected with the bag again and again, Jackson let his mind move freely. This was a good way to start to let go, just allowing his thoughts to roam. They always roamed back to the same place. Or, rather—person.

His mind wound back to the moment that woke up the feelings that had been sleeping inside him for years. Twenty of them, give or take.

From the back of the church, Jackson had watched Jenna walk in through one of the doors up front. Jenna had tugged on a simple pearl necklace she wore over her black dress, as though she didn’t want to be wearing it. Her hair was pulled back and, as she faced the front and sat next to her sister, he found himself admiring the elegant line of her neck.

This is a funeral. You shouldn’t be thinking about how beautiful her neck is. Where is her husband?

He knew now that she and her husband had separated. Word always got out on the Island, even about people like Jenna who had left. Surprisingly, he didn’t know details. Just that they weren’t together.

At the funeral, Jackson had been furious with the absent-husband. Someone should have been there for her. Rachel sat next to Jenna, but also had her husband and three girls with them. Jenna was completely alone. Jackson had ached with the desire to wrap her in his arms, tuck her head beneath his chin, and be her comfort. It gutted him to see this and to know that even if he wanted to comfort her, she wouldn’t have let him. Instead of even speaking to her, Jackson slipped away without Jenna even knowing he was there. She probably had no idea that her mother was in Jackson’s Sunday School class. She might have laughed if her mother had told her.

Jackson poured his bitterness, his anger, his shame, his regret into his fists. Again and again he hit the bag. Now that he was warm, he focused his thoughts, taking them away from Jenna and the worries of today. Lately he had tried something new: timing his punches with the words from Bible verses that helped calm him.

I-punch-can-punch-do-punch-all-punch-things-punch-through-punch-him-punch-who-punch-gives-punch-me-punch-strength.

That was one of his favorites, Philippians 4:13. Beau once explained how this verse was usually misunderstood.

“People think it means that you can accomplish your goals or do what you set your mind to,” Beau had said during one of their Bible and Breakfasts. “But if you read the verses right before, Paul is saying that he’s learned the secret of getting through all situations: being content no matter what happens. When he says he can do all things, he means, he can be content in any circumstance.”

Those words stayed with Jackson: he could be content no matter the circumstance. Even if that circumstance was Jenna still hating his guts.

The muscles in his arms twitched. His hands were numb, his T-shirt soaked with sweat. Jackson knew he should stop if he wanted to be able to use his arms tomorrow. He worked out most days, but it was always a harder workout when he was angry. He had never been fat, but he also had never been athletic. Now he had chiselled arms and a six pack, a bonus from working through his feelings with his fists.

Not that it mattered. Jenna clearly cared more about a person’s heart, and she thought his wasn’t worth caring about. He rested his forehead on the bag for a moment, closing his eyes and hearing only the cry of gulls and the pounding of surf. His thoughts had cooled, but they still hovered around her.

Was she staying long?

Was she staying permanently?

What could he do to get a fresh start with her?

His phone buzzed from where it sat on the wooden picnic table nearby. Jackson groaned before he had even finished reading the message from his daughter, Megan.

Megan: hey “dad.” Kim is shipping me 2u this weekend for babysitting duty yay

He watched the phone as the little dots indicated that she was typing a message. Jackson had only found out he had a daughter a few months before. Megan was twelve and barely tolerated him, though from what he had seen, she tolerated her mother, Kim, even less. That felt like a small win, even though he had no idea how to start parenting a pre-teen from scratch.

When Kim, whom he hadn’t talked to in twelve years, called to tell him about Megan, he was at first terrified, then thrilled. He had sort of given up on the idea of having kids, along with the idea of getting married. At thirty-eight and single, realistically, time was winding down. But any joy he felt at the idea of being a parent was stripped away when Megan started spending one weekend a month with him. The only things they had in common was a mutual disdain for Kim and a love of sushi. Megan spent every waking hour on her cell phone or tablet. He continued to try but felt like most of his efforts to connect with her failed.

Megan: she said if UR busy too bad

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