Page 56 of Some Things Never Change

My heart began racing again as a heavy silence loomed over us for a moment.

“It’s late, Tink. I’m heading to bed. If you want to watch something, here you go.”

He placed the remote control in my hand with both of his hands. Before letting go, his thumbs soothingly caressed over my knuckles. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he did that all night long.

Chapter

Twenty-Three

I glanced down at the smoothed out envelope I had in hand. There was a heavy ache in my chest after Andy left me to my own thoughts last night and I couldn’t swallow it down. It left me completely restless as my mind ran around thinking of too many things all at once. As my thoughts ran wild, I suddenly remembered this envelope and its letter. I set out all night to find it in my belongings.

The creases of the envelope of it accidentally being crumpled were still there, but more faint and smooth now after many years. This was a letter Andy had written and given to me right before he started college. He gave it to me in secrecy when we were alone together for a moment in the middle of his big move into the dorms.

Both of the twins went out of town for college and in opposite directions. Andy went down to SoCal to UC Santa Mariana, meanwhile Anthony headed up north to UC San Ignacio. In an unsurprising fashion, they were assigned to move into their dorms on the same day.

I no longer remembered the exact details of how this ensued, but it eventually came down to the plan where Auntie Gao and I would drop off Andy and Uncle Gary and Jonathan would drop off Anthony. The memory from back then was fuzzy. It had been around the same time when my crush on Andy was finally fading away.

I was detached and unaffected by the fact that I wouldn't see him every day, at school or home. From what I remembered, I actually welcomed it because I knew it was the perfect chance for me to move on.

We were alone together in his dorm room when Auntie Gao stepped out for a mere second. Andy quickly took out a sealed envelope from his backpack and pushed it into my hand. It was forceful by accident, and he crushed it.

He apologized, but in a hushed whisper he also said, ‘Read it when you get home.’ Unsure of what was in the envelope, I did as he requested. It surprised me he wrote a handwritten letter about how much he would end up missing me while being away in college.

I wasn’t sure why he couldn’t have just said it in person as I thought back to it as an adult, especially when we were so close. But I figured he must have felt more comfortable writing than saying it all out loud. We were young and didn’t know how to express ourselves properly.

Even the letter I sent to him as a response had been the plainest I had ever written to anyone. Andy, I’ll miss you, too. Although it was true, I was looking forward to my new-found life without being in love with him, I knew I was going to miss him dearly, too.

“Guess what I found last summer while going through some of my things at my mom’s place,” I said as I walked into the living room where he had been watching a new horror movie at low volume.

The sun was setting, so it bathed the living room in a beautiful golden light, as expected of a Californian winter. I tried not to glance at the TV screen as Andy reached over to the remote control to pause it. He had been sitting by the coffee table all afternoon, working on his new project—a motorized lighthouse.

I guess he must have finished building the typewriter this morning because it was now sitting on the kitchen island and ready to be played with. He quickly changed what he was watching to something easier for my eyes as I observed his progress. I could tell he was a third done, especially with the base of the lighthouse being fully built already.

I held up the envelope in my hand. On the front side of it was Andy’s handwriting of my full name, Julie Lo. He glanced at it, not recognizing it.

“What is it?” he asked. “Did I write something for you?”

I beamed him a smile as I reached into the envelope and pulled out his handwritten letter on blank computer paper. “It’s the letter you gave me the day your mom, and I dropped you off for your freshmen move-in day.”

Immediately, Andy’s brows raised with wide eyes.

“I guess you don’t remember, huh?” I placed the letter in front of him.

I took my usual seat by the coffee table and sipped my ready-made mug of lemon honey tea. Andy held the letter in his hands, running his fingers over the creases and the faint smudges of ink. He took a moment reading and looking over it before he looked up with a soft smile.

"I can't believe you still have this.” He was practically whispering.

“Well, why wouldn’t I? It's not every day someone confesses their heartfelt feelings for you in a handwritten letter.” I giggled.

Andy chuckled with the shake of his head. "I didn't confess my feelings for you. I just wanted you to know how much I was going to miss you."

I raised an eyebrow. "That's practically the same thing.”

Andy rolled his eyes despite the megawatt grin he wore. "Whatever you say, Tink.”

We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments. Andy looked over what he wrote to me years ago in fading black ink again as I sipped my warm tea. It was a cold late February day, and we sat close to one another.

"So, why a handwritten letter? I’m still surprised you didn’t just tell me how much you were going to miss me instead.” I playfully nudged him with my elbow.

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