Page 66 of Some Things Never Change

I became misty-eyed. While I could still remember our dad’s voice, Jonathan couldn’t anymore and I felt guilty that I did. The eight years I had with my dad weren’t fair to the six my brother had with him. Jonathan watched me wipe my tears away with a thoughtful expression. I didn’t need to tell him that I was the luckier one of us two.

“Can you tell me what his voice sounded like?”

Despite him passing away when I was too young to have as many memories of our dad as I wanted, his voice will always be one thing I knew I’d remember. I could practically still hear him call out my name.

“Of course. Dad’s voice was distinctively low and calming, like a summer night’s breeze. Comforting and gentle, just like he was.”

We sat for a moment as my brother thought about my words. His chin dipped a little with his eyes glued to the floor. “I miss him.”

“I miss him, too.” I knocked my knee into his. “You don’t remember much about him, but you still remember his love for you. Right?”

My brother let out a tiny scoff as he gave me a wobbly smile. “It’s impossible to forget how much and how deeply he loved us.”

“See?” I gave him a small smile as I gave his shoulder another squeeze. “I think that’s the most important thing to remember. Dad may not be physically with us anymore. But his love for us will always be here, and that’s something we can hold on to.”

Jonathan nodded slowly, a look of contemplation on his face. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I’ve focused too much on the fact that I don’t miss him as much. Or that I don’t remember him as well as I used to.”

“That’s natural, especially since he passed away when you were so young.” My voice became a bit shaky as I continued. My vision became blurry with tears welling up. “It’s not like you actually forgot about him. You just said it yourself that you still remember what it’s like to have Dad here. So, don’t beat yourself up over this. There’s no right or wrong way to feel about him being gone after this many years.”

“No one can ever really forget Dad. He was so kind, had so much love to give, and was so forgiving.” Jonathan’s voice was firm with certainty.

I let out a laugh, and a few tears escaped the dam. “Exactly. That’s just Dad.”

Jonathan turned to me with watery eyes. “I thought I wasn’t being a dutiful son to him by forgetting about him and overriding his existence with other memories. Or, worse, other people.”

Uncle Gary has been the one person who had really gone out of his way to love and care for us after our dad passed away. He took us on camping trips with him and the twins, despite my protests. He taught us both how to drive. Whatever he did with his boys, he always included us as well. He was practically our second dad. In some ways, Jonathan probably felt guilty for seeing him as a father figure.

“Uncle Gary will never replace Dad, you know that, right? He would never want to replace him, either.”

Jonathan gave me a tender look. “True.”

I pulled my other arm up and gave him a hug as he hugged me back tightly. My eyes teared up again in the warm embrace of my brother, grateful he opened up about this with me.

“Feel better now?”

Jonathan scoffed over my shoulder. “Yeah. Thanks for that, Julie.”

“You’re welcome.”

We pulled away from our hug, and Jonathan got up from my bed. I quickly took the opportunity to tuck myself back into bed and I wrapped my blankets tightly around me as I shivered. He gave me an irritated look, judging me.

“Don’t go back to bed! We’re supposed to leave soon.”

I became defensive. “I’m not sleeping! It’s just cold in here.”

Jonathan shook his head with a roll of his eyes as he opened my bedroom door. “What do you mean? It’s fine here. It was actually too hot last night.”

I gave him a death glare with the furrow of my brows. He was the culprit for making my room freezing cold this morning. “No, it wasn’t!”

“Yes, it was! Whatever men see in you, I’ll never understand.” Jonathan shook his head again and then began to eye me disgustingly as he took in the sight of me on my bed.

“Shut the fuck up.” Jonathan rolled his eyes and left, leaving my bedroom door wide open. “At least close the door behind you, asshole!”

Jonathan never responded back as I heard a few beeps coming from the control panel from the air conditioning and heater down the hall. The heater suddenly came on before I could yell at him to come close to my door again.

“Thanks,” I yelled.

Jonathan grunted in response before closing his own bedroom door. To which I rolled my eyes at.

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