Page 71 of Some Things Never Change

“Yeah, I threw away my sanity just trying to get over you. Every single time I tried to move on with someone new, I always ended up here—right where I’ve always been—and back to you. I was young and stupid instead of facing the truth that I was in love with you.”

He let out a long sigh. “I mindlessly hurt all those girls, and I regret all of it. I was dumb and didn’t think about what life I was living until my dad gave me a talk. That’s why I stopped all that nonsense my senior year in high school. I just took my time instead of wasting time.”

“What did your dad say to you?”

“He told me to stop fucking around with all these girls’ hearts because he and Mom didn’t raise me to be a jackass to women. They raised me to be a gentleman, and I disappointed him with who I was becoming. He also mentioned that if I ever confessed to you, you’d probably reject me because you’d think all I was going to do was play with your feelings.”

“Your dad had a point, to be honest. I probably would’ve thought the same—wait. He knows about your feelings for me?”

“Yeah, he’s my dad. In fact, everyone in our families knew that I’ve always been in love with you.” My brows furrowed as my mouth rendered speechless, and he continued. “No one told you because it wouldn’t be right to. You should’ve figured it out yourself because it was obvious, but you’ve been pretty clueless.”

“Or just plain dumb.”

Andy let out a laugh. “That too. I should’ve just told you back then. But I didn’t want to risk scaring and losing you. I knew things would never be the same if I actually said something. But… I almost took the plunge many times. It’s just that our timings never really lined up after I left for college. I should’ve just told you how I felt the summer before I went off to college, like I originally planned.”

I blinked, surprised. “Before you went off to college?”

“Yeah. Why do you think there were so many times during that summer you and I went to the movie theater without everyone else?”

My brain started reeling as I heard nothing but the drumming of my heart. The summer Andy, Anthony, and Shoua graduated from high school was a super busy one for all of us. Although there was excitement in the air about the three of them starting a new chapter in their lives, we all knew our time together was limited. Things weren’t going to be the same anymore with both Andy and Anthony leaving in August for college. Shoua decided to attend the local state college, so it wasn’t a super big change. But it would be strange not to see her at school anymore.

There were a few things we planned for our summer together, from a road trip us older kids could save for, to late nights spent just hanging out or chatting. When we were up too late and were too lazy to go find food in the kitchen, we always went out to the Vietnamese ph? shops at midnight because there were always a handful in our city that didn’t close until two in the morning in the summer.

We spent every waking hour that summer burning all our time down to our last seconds together. All before we couldn’t anymore until another summer came by.

We were all so busy balancing our summer jobs and spending time with one another that I had never once thought Andy was purposely spending time alone with me. I always thought the others just didn’t want to tag along for our biweekly Saturday ritual of movies, with Ziploc bags full of chips or Oreos we snuck in from home, and a shared ice-cold fountain drink. I was never suspicious.

“I wanted to tell you so many times, but always chose not to. I talked myself out of it, convincing myself that what I felt for you was just a little crush and that I’d get over you once we weren’t always together. I was certain my eyes would never look for you in the shapes of the clouds or that my heart would never ache for your name ever again,” said Andy, softly. “I gave you a letter the day you and Mom dropped me off at UCSM because that was supposed to be my last farewell to my feelings for you. But I was wrong and spent years regretting my decision because our timings had always been off ever since then, until now.”

I thought for a moment. “Thinking back, we were always in and out of relationships at the wrong time. If you were in a relationship, then I’d be single. If I was in a relationship, then you’d be single. I never realized it.”

Andy was quiet for a moment. “And things kept going like that for years.”

“Is that why you stopped dating all together for the last few years? Were you really waiting for me this whole time?” I was in utter disbelief.

Andy chuckled. “What do you think? I’d wait my whole life for you to let me be him.”

“Him?”

“Him—the guy that’s your boyfriend or husband or the father of your children or your life partner or the one you love. Him.”

My eyes began to burn. Andy had been waiting for me all this time and would have waited an entire lifetime just to be him. If neither of us had ever said anything, I would have lived my whole life never even knowing he wanted to be my man.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting for so long. I’m sorry I—” My voice was merely a weak whisper as the guilt ripped through me. “It’s just I never thought you would ever feel the same.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you were always dating other girls when we were teens. I never let myself think that there could ever be anything there. I decided we were meant to be only friends and nothing more. It was then when I slowly buried my feelings for you. But it all unearthed again after we started living together.” My voice was still barely audible.

“Was that why you expected nothing in return when you confessed to me?”

I swallowed thickly. “Yeah. It’s never good to go into any situation with expectations, even with my confession.”

My answer filled the air for a moment as Andy let it settle. He let out a long sigh. He brought the back of my hand to his lips and kissed it.

“I’m sorry, Julie. I should’ve never been such a dumb kid. Instead, I should’ve been brave enough to tell you how I felt, to let you know that you were the only one I ever wanted. But I was too scared of losing you, and I let my fear control me.”

I spent so many years thinking that he didn’t care about me in that way. So much so that I had never allowed myself to truly consider the possibility of us being together, even when I confessed. But, hearing him speak so honestly and vulnerably, pried open my heart wider to him.

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