Page 58 of Some Things Never Change

I blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine. Your eyes are beautiful, as always.”

Andy leaned into me with relief washing over his features. “Take a better look, then.” He drew his face closer to mine. “You know, I always thought your eyes were the prettiest.”

I blushed, trying not to tear away from our eye contact. It would have been too obvious how flustered I was if I did. “Why? They’re just brown and boring.”

Andy’s gaze turned soft as a small, gentle smile tugged the lines of his lips. “Because they’re yours.”

His words were firm and certain. Meanwhile my heart raced at an aching speed.

“What about the girl you’re in love with?” My voice was barely above a whisper, almost not wanting to inquire or know the truth. Jealousy slowly, but surely, seeped into my veins despite my genuine question.

Andy’s eyes glinted with love at the mention of his favorite woman, and my heart squeezed. “Hers are beautiful, and so are yours.”

I scoffed with the roll of my eyes. “You’re always such a sweet-talker.”

“But it’s true.”

“All because they’re my eyes?” I raised a brow at him. It sounded like a sweet white lie.

Without a warning, he placed both his hands on the sides of my face and gently pulled me in closer as my heart drummed louder. He took his time, searching my face as if he was seeking an answer.

“Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of warmth I’ve ever seen. Beautiful, warm, radiant, and they’re the prettiest because they’re yours.”

I wanted to call him a liar but couldn’t. “M-Maybe you should stop flirting so much with me, especially since you’re in love with another woman. Save your sweet and sugary words for her.”

Andy’s soft breath lightly tickled my skin as he inhaled and released me and my beating heart. He pulled away and stared into my soul. He blinked, surprised and even hurt by my words.

“J-Julie—” Andy's voice trailed off into a mumble, his eyes flickering with uncertainty. "You're right… I should stop flirting with you."

As his words hung in the air, a heavy silence settled between us. The playful atmosphere vanished, replaced by thick tension sitting in the space between us. He quietly went back to his Legos. We sat in silence for a long time as 13 Going On 30 quietly played in the background. It was one of my favorite chick flicks, and Andy was well aware of it.

But I watched none of it as I sat there and watched Andy work on his project. His gentle, patient hands put together his lighthouse bit by bit—slow and steady. I couldn’t bring myself to be his helper this time. The strain of my words still lingered around us. But, regardless of the obvious tension in the air, I wouldn’t be able to survive feeling even the smallest and wispiest touches of his fingertips on my skin.

I would probably die if Andy touched me again.

After last night, he reignited something within me. Instead of dousing my feelings with talks of his loyal devotion and love to his mystery woman, he added fuel to the flames and winds to the storm raging in me. As the raging flames licked up my chest, I came to my final conclusion.

I was still in love with my childhood best friend and he was in love with someone else.

Chapter

Twenty-Four

I felt as if I was thrusted back to being fifteen again—to a time when my feelings burned too fiercely and passionately. I swore to myself I would never come back to this ever again. Yet, here I was. When I was a teen, I loved loving him. But I also hated the intensity of it all and the complex web of longing, envy, and so much self-loathing that sprung from it.

I hated being envious of those sweet girls he always gave his attention and heart to. I hated the way I compared myself to their perfection. I hated the torment he put me through, with each girl hanging off of his arm. I hated how much I longed to be near him, despite the mere glance he’d throw at me whenever he was in a relationship. I hated how much I saw all of him as a boy and nothing as a friend.

More than anything, I hated the girl I became because of my feelings for him, because I couldn’t risk our friendship in that way.

Our friendship was one of my comforts and warmths. So, I could never risk jeopardizing it and chose the easiest way out. I chose to never show or tell anyone my feelings for him. Instead, I buried all I felt for Andy into my own Pandora’s box. Then, I pushed it down to the deepest depths of my core and I never looked back. In the aftermath of it all, I boiled the love I felt for him down to a measly crush. It was easier to live with it all this way.

But, now that I unearthed and opened Pandora’s box, the truth was consuming me all over again. I was in love with Andy as a teen, and I’m still in love with him now as an adult. However, I could never subject myself through the same cycle I did when we were teens again. I planned to nip it in the bud. I would selfishly confess and then let go of Andy K. Hughes for good.

Nothing about our friendship would ever be the same once my secret came to the light. My feelings would become both our burdens and that was one thing I hated the most about this decision. I would never want him to shoulder this load with me when it was my problem and my problem alone. But, that was just Andy. He’s too caring and far too kind. Unlike him, I couldn’t hide my feelings the way he did.

Because I’m selfish like that.

“You alright?” asked Andy.

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