Page 21 of Size Doesn't Matter

Cyrus was silent for so long, I thought he might have fallen asleep. When I looked over at him, though, his eyes were wide open and he glanced back at me. His answer was disappointing:

“Let’s wait until next weekend. I need some time to think things through, I suspect you’re going to need a chance to let your muscles recuperate.”

He had a point. My jaw ached, my fingers were stiff, and my head felt full of stuffing and twice its usual size from a lack of sleep.

“Okay, I’ll see you in a week, then.” I got up, scooping my pile of clothes off the floor.

I really wished I had something a little fresher to put on, but these would do until I got home. I made a mental note to pack a small bag of things next week, as Cyrus’ deodorant and toothbrushes worked fine, but were a little overpowering for a mere human like me.

I said one last goodbye at the front door and headed out, the late morning sun nearly blinding me as I walked to my car. Someone had left a note on the windshield asking me to please move it and I made another mental note to find somewhere better to part next time.

It was lonely not having Cyrus around, and even lonelier when I imagined getting to the weekend only for him to call me and tell me he’d changed his mind. He wasn’t the kind of man to renege on promises just like that, but after that painful conversation in bed, I wouldn’t exactly blame him. A week was both an eternity and a split-second of time for us to think things through – for Cyrus to think things through, anyway. I already knew what I wanted, and I knew that I wasn’t going to get it.

I still didn’t want to stop seeing him, not when we were finally starting to understand each other. But it felt wrong to stick around and get what I wanted when I refused to give him the only thing that he desired. I could lie and tell him I loved him after all, but he would sniff a lie like that out immediately and there would be no walking back a false declaration of love. Not with Cyrus, anyway.

I just wasn’t a true-love kind of guy and I couldn’t pretend that I was. I learned that after the only man I ever really loved broke up with me, and I’d made peace with it. Not everyone was capable of spending the rest of their days with one person or one monster and if Cyrus expected me to change, that was on him, because I was honest about what I was looking for from the very beginning.

I got back to my apartment and fell into bed, forgetting about everything else except sleep. Sweet, precious, necessary sleep. My troubles with Cyrus could wait another day or two or three, and even if I never saw him again, I couldn’t muster up the strength to care about that anymore right now.

18

CYRUS

Iheaded into work early Monday morning so I could get a jump on some tedious paperwork, but when I arrived at the college, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had that idea.

I tapped my finger on the glass part of my colleague’s office door and he smiled, gesturing for me to come inside.

“Irving, what a pleasant surprise to see you here,” I said as I walked in, ducking my head. “I thought I would be all alone for the next hour.”

“I’m absolutely swamped with midterms to grade,” he explained. “No doubt you’re here for the same reason.”

“Of course.” I sat down, the arms on the narrow leather chair squeezing my thighs. “Tell me, how is the life of domestic bliss?”

Irving chuckled. “Sylvan has forgone commissions on paintings entirely as he plans our wedding. I let him take the lead on it, as he had a much clearer vision of what he wanted than I did. Coffee?” He held up the small pot he kept in his office. “It’s fresh.”

“Yes, please. I suppose it’s for the best that you let him take over if his mind is set.”

“It’s true. I did make him include me in picking out the wedding bands, although we went with his choice in the end.” He handed me a cup filled to the brim with steaming hot black coffee. “They’re…made of wood.”

“Well, that’s a fun twist on the traditional ring, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so. I don’t care so long as we actually get through the wedding and things slow down a bit.”

“But you’re happy with him, aren’t you?” I took a sip of the coffee, the hot liquid burning my throat as it went down.

“Happy beyond belief.” Irving smiled, a faraway haze clouding his eyes. “Sylvan is the most wonderful person to ever enter my life. I can’t believe I almost let him go.”

“You’re a lucky man,” I said, giving him a somber smile.

“Don’t fret, Cyrus. You’ll find the one someday too. You’re still using the matchmaking service, aren’t you?”

“I actually got a match about a week ago,” I admitted. “I didn’t tell anyone because I wasn’t sure if it would stick. I’ve waited so long, you know, and it felt too good to be true.”

“That’s wonderful. Tell me about him – is he human?”

“Yes,” I said slowly, “but he’s not what you might picture as being a good human match for me.”

“Oh. You mean, he’s short?”

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