Page 15 of Catch a Wave

I hear shuffling in the main room.

Kai might be home by now, considering the level of darkness filling my room. I pick my phone up off the bedside table. Six forty-five. Yeah. Kai’s home and the sun set a while ago.

I pivot and reach for my boot, securing it around my foot and ankle. Then I stand and grab my crutch. Once I’ve used the hall bathroom, I make my way into the living room. Kai is sitting on one of the two couches. He looks up and sees me. A myriad of emotions cross his face.

“Kala,” he calls me by his pet name for me.

It means princess, but it’s also a kind of fish with a spike on its tail. At least he doesn’t call me limu kala which is the seaweed those fish eat.

“Kai.” I regard him from the hall doorway, leaning on my crutch in a way my physical therapist told me not to—not if I don’t want to hurt my armpit.

“Hey,” he stands and walks to me, tugging me into his arms.

His arms slipping around me and the feel of him holding me unhinges the emotions I’ve kept locked up tight. My defenses fall, and regardless of my desire to stay angry, I’m leaning into my big brother, allowing tears to flow down my cheeks like a waterfall. Within seconds, I feel his soft sobs joining my own. The weight of everything rushes up and out of me into Kai’s embrace.

He runs his hands down my hair without saying a word. Kai simply holds me, like he always has. My big brother. In Oahu we have a saying. Of course, it is told in connection to a story about two brothers. Nearly every piece of proverbial wisdom my parents raised us on has a story or a legend behind it. The saying is:The older sibling cares for and protects the younger.And the younger listens to the older. Those principles may feel commonplace, but they go deeper with us. They are a way of life—timeless truths passed through generations through oral tradition and common practice in our extended community. They have become a part of how we’ve built our lives—Kai and I. The culture shapes us, and even though we no longer live in Hawaii, we are always Hawaiian.

“Kala, you scared me.” Kai’s voice is rough with emotion.

My head is still nestled under Kai’s chin. I feel his shaky breath as he tries to contain his reaction for my sake.

“I know.”

“You’ll be okay.” The way he says that platitude feels like he’s trying to convince himself along with me. “You survived. We’re going to get you through this.”

I pull back and look my big brother in the eyes. “And by we, you mean …”

“Yeah. About that.” Kai steps back. “I am really sorry. I wanted to tell you before you showed up and had to run into him.”

“Don’t you think telling me before I decided to come here would have been a little more fair—to Bodhi and to me? I am here because I don’t want to face a surfing community, having to tell everyone I’m doing fine every time I leave my house to get fruit or put gas in my moped. Instead, I came here and had to face the biggest regret of my life right in the flesh.”

“The flesh?”

“You know what I mean. Not flesh, flesh. He was dressed. I was dressed. Well, he was wearing a very flimsy shirt that showed off his … nevermind. We were dressed. No flesh. Flesh-free. Fleshless. Gah. Fleshless? That sounds like a skinned fish. But then again, fish don’t have flesh, do they? They have scales. Unless you’re talking about sharks. Which you aren’t. We’re talking about Bodhi. A very dressed, not fleshy, in-the-flesh, ex-boyfriend whom you should have warned me about, and not just this week.”

I take a breath and look up at my brother who is wisely stifling a grin at my nervous word-vomit. He straightens his face, the seriousness of his omission reminding him we’re not joking around.

“I should have told you a long time ago. I just didn’t want to upset you.”

“So you hid the truth. You harbored my ex for two years and never thought it would be a good idea to share that with me?”

“At first I didn’t say anything because your breakup was so fresh. He was hurting. You know how it was.”

“Actually, I don’t. If you remember, I wasn’t privy to any of those details.”

Kai looks at me with a look of sympathy so powerful I almost forgive him on the spot. Almost. But he’s not getting off that easily.

“What am I supposed to do now?”

“Stay. Bodhi wants you to be able to have what he had. He knows you need it. More than anyone, he knows. Just stay. We’ll work this out. It will probably be awkward at first, but I think we’ll all get used to the new normal eventually. I want you here. I’ve been worried sick about you.”

“Great. Another lala ?ohana worrying over me.”

“I’m not going to baby you. I know you. If you wanted to be babied, you’d be in Haleiwa with Mom and Dad.”

“Thanks for that, at least.”

Normally, I’d give Kai more heat. And he’s not off the hook. I just don’t have a lot of fight left in me. And whatever I thought I was going to do to make him pay seems to have fled when he held me and comforted me like only he can.

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