Page 108 of Unstable

“Whatcha thinking about over there?” he asks.

“The time you gave me your letter jacket at the football game ‘cause I was cold.”

“Oh yeah.” He lets out a small, reminiscent laugh. “You know, now that you mention it, you never told me exactly how Merrick took that one. I figured he’d be mad, but if I remember correctly, you guys seemed fine the next time I saw ya, when he flaunted you right past me, arms and lips all over you,” he grumbles.

Oh my God—it hits me—the answer to one of my oldest, unanswered questions. I finally understand.

“What is it?” Keaton asks worriedly when I gasp in discovery. And like I got so used to doing, I laugh at the most inappropriate time, to avoid any of the normal responses—such as anger, pain, or both.

“I just realized why Merrick was ever with me in the first place. All that half-ass work and time he put in, which had to be a pain in the ass for him…and he still lost.” This time my laugh is perfectly timed and real, and from the gut, so joyous I even snort.

“Henny, baby, when you’re done over there, can ya fill me in on what the hell’s so funny?”

“Sorry.” I pull it together, wiping my eyes. “Merrick was furious that night, about your coat. Didn’t even drive me home, I rode with Hadley. And I didn’t hear from him all weekend. But come Monday, at school, where you would see us, things were just fine. Better than ever in fact, like it never happened. I’ve been wondering why Merrick dated me if all he did was cheat on me, didn’t come after me when I left, and then stole from me. I get it now.”

“Get what? That he’s a narcissistic asshole who didn’t appreciate you and thought he could get rich off your pain and distraction?”

“Yes and no. But really, it was never about me. Well, maybe the stealing was, he had to keep Krista in nice things and didn’t figure I’d ever catch on, but the rest? The rest was all about you, Keaton. He hated you, and I mean hated you. The best at rodeo, football, girls, you name it, he couldn’t beat you at anything. Except me. I was the one thing he knew you wanted that you couldn’t have, so he appeased me just enough to keep me. Not because he actually wanted me, but so that you wouldn’t have the slightest chance at having me. I was the only thing he could beat you at.”

“Makes sense,” he shakes his head, “stupid fucker. I’d have given every trophy, award, uniform, anything for you. Wasn’t in the cards though. Fate didn’t present me with that option. Neither did he, not that I would’ve even considered it. Wanted you to want me on your own.”

“Keaton,” I reach for his hand, “don’t you see? You didn’t have to give up any of those accomplishments, and you did end up with me, forever. While Merrick had to spend years pretending and now, his life is in the shithole. And I got you, finally. We win, Keaton. Fate may have taken its time, karma wouldn’t wake her ass up, but destiny showed up and gave ‘em both a kick in the ass and they got one thing right in my life. We win.”

“We sure the fuck do.” He lifts my hand and kisses it. “I love you, Henny. I love you so damn much.”

“I love you too, Keaton. Maybe I always have. And hey,” I grin and wait for him to glance over, “thanks for letting me use you coat. Warmed me right up.”

“I saw you sniff it, ya know. Twice,” he grins.

“How? You were on the field playing!” I wince, squeezing my eyes shut in embarrassment, realizing I got caught in his trap this time, bluntly admitting I did, in fact, smell his jacket.

I couldn’t help myself! From the moment I put it on, I was assailed by the intoxicating aroma of leather and cologne. So yeah, I may have sucked in a sample to keep for my memory bank.

I was but a normal teenage girl, after all.

He laughs and gives my hand a squeeze. “Always had one eye on you, Henny. Always.”

WHEN WE GET BACK to the house, that will only be mine for a few more days, the ball of worry I’d temporarily forgotten with all the memories and talk of the past returns immediately.

I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I knew bone deep that night I should’ve checked Whiskey’s saddle one more time before Hadley rode out. I dreamt my sister told me where to find a diary…that just happened to be hidden right where she said. And my mom’s advice, also delivered in my dreams, has been pretty spot-on.

So I tend not to doubt my gut. And with one step in the door, it’s telling me stronger than ever, that the “something’s wrong” I’ve been waiting for is upon me.

“What’re you doing? Baby, talk to me.” Keaton comes up behind me where I stand frozen in the doorway, afraid to walk inside. “Did you hear something?” He picks me right up off my feet and sets me down behind him, placing himself in the line of whatever fire is waiting.

“Stay right here, I’ll go check it out,” he demands in a stern voice.

I catch his arm, stopping him. “I didn’t hear anything. There’s no burglar. But something’s wrong.”

“What?” He bends at the knees to meet my eyes straight on, gripping both my shoulders. “Henny, you’re worrying me. What the hell is going on?”

“I…I don’t know yet. Come on, let’s go in. Only way to find out.”

We slowly walk together through the whole house, nothing popping out at me. Until the fact that nothing’s popping out at me…pops out at me. “Where’s Bourbon?”

“I put him out before we left,” he answers. “Why?”

“He wasn’t waiting when we got here. Didn’t come up when he heard the truck, either.”

---