Page 43 of Unstable

I hitch both shoulders, but my defeated tone defies my attempt at nonchalance. “I didn’t want to know the answer. At the time anyway. Now I do.”

“Hen.” He scoots closer, covering my knee with his large, firm hand. “Let’s not do this, baby. Enough past, let’s concentrate on moving forward.”

Baby?

I can handle the “Hen” plays—got used to those years ago. And even “Darlin’,” not an uncommon word, and seldom meant as an actual endearment around these parts. But “baby?”

“I’m not your baby,” I warn him that he’s crossed a huge line through gritted teeth.

“Yet.” He rubs my knee. Which reminds me…

“Why is your hand still on my knee?”

“‘Cause you haven’t made me move it.” He smiles in pure male satisfaction.

I inwardly grimace ‘cause dammit, he’s right. What the hell is wrong with me? Seriously, the person I’m apparently going to gradually lower the drawbridge for, and let even an inch inside my walls is Keaton Cash? It would have been my very last guess.

But I’ll be damned if I lower anything without at least the pretense of a fight.

“Move your hand and tell me why you beat up Merrick at that party,” I speak clipped, eliminating any room for argument.

He doesn’t move his hand, sadness mixing oddly with defiance in his marine blue eyes. “I don’t want to tell you. No good can come from it.”

“And I don’t want you getting all comfortable with touching me whenever you want, and yet for some reason I’ve allowed it. I know compromise hasn’t ever been our strong suit,” I lift a brow, “but there it is, so tell me.”

“Okay, but I have conditions to telling you.”

Now I roll my eyes and he laughs.

“What are they?” I ask, despite being afraid to ask. Lord only knows what will come out of his mouth next.

“I get to keep touching you.”

“Which you’re already doing.” I look pointedly at his hand. “But admitting sexual blackmail?” I tsk. “Beneath you.”

“It’s your knee, not your tit,” he chuckles again.

I scoff, as though offended…but Eatin’ Ass doesn’t miss a thing. And damn instinctual, human reaction…making it impossible for me to stop the things I need him to miss the most.

“Felt that shiver, Hen, and your skin heat up. Lemme’ know when you’re done picturing my hands on your tits, and I’ll go on.” His sure smile is as sexy and intimate as if he’d kissed me.

“W…what else?” I ask too shaky, too breathy to even attempt denying any part of what he just said.

“What I tell you will upset you. I’m not sure if you’ll cry, get angry, or both. But no matter what,” his voice drops to a dark, intense timbre that more than tells me that he won’t negotiate on this part, “you come to me with it. Your tears, your fury, whatever. No closing yourself off and no talking to Gatlin about it. And especially not Merrick. I don’t want you discussing anything with him if I’m not with you. Only. Me. We clear?”

I know the source of his contention at the root—he’s jealous of Gatlin and hates Merrick. But there’s something else there, something deeper when he spoke of Merrick, that I can’t pinpoint yet. I’ll definitely be circling back around to it later though, if our further discussion doesn’t enlighten me.

“Hen? We agreed?” He shakes my knee to regain my attention.

“Yeah.” I nod. “Agreed.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. Shit, I’d rather do anything in the world than hurt you. That’s why I never told you back then. And a big part of me figured you wouldn’t even believe me. But mostly, as long as you were happy, I let it lie. Same probably went for Hadley, fear of causing you any sadness. Especially since, as far as I know, she had only speculation to go on. He knew you’d believe her, so I’m sure he watched his ass there.” His brows fold in and his mouth turns down slightly.

I know what’s coming. Secretly, I knew back then too, but until it smacked me in the face, which it never did, I just decided to remain in peaceful denial. High school is hard enough to navigate your way through without going digging for drama and extra causes of insecurity.

Lame excuse I know, but it worked for me. Looking back now, I understand—comfortable complacency isn’t love—so I lied to Merrick when I told him I loved him.

Not gonna feel too guilty about that though…considering I’m next to positive that he betrayed me at every turn.

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