Page 31 of Love and Loathing

Aubrey didn’t answer. He heard Roscoe sigh heavily.

“It’s what I was always afraid of,” Roscoe said at last. “Shit. Aubrey. You can’t get caught up in that. It’s your department. Your name on it all. Your head on the block.”

“I know.”

“What are you going to do?”

“My job, I suppose. Try to ensure we stay on the right side of whatever very fine line we’re being forced towards.”

“It’s just pure greed from my father!” Roscoe broke out, exasperated. “He can’t say no to Domnall’s money. He wants all his assets, business and personal, all his liabilities, wants the whole package…”

“In one sense, it’s a clever move. Domnall can’t leave if we’re hands deep in his dirty laundry. He’ll be tied to us for good.”

“And if he goes down, you go down. It’s not worth the risk, even if you could stomach doing it.”

It was Evie’s face that came to Aubrey’s mind, not Roscoe’s. Disappointed. Hating him.You’d do anything, I suppose.

“Nothing’s agreed,” he told Roscoe. Then, without any trace of humour, added: “With any luck, your sister will throw a bowl of soup at him tonight and we’ll never have to worry about having him as a client.”

“Evie to the rescue.” Roscoe’s laugh was dry, but the clear affection in it made Aubrey’s chest twist with guilt. Roscoe’ssister…The things he’d said to her, the things he’d felt…

“You never know,” Roscoe added, voice still warmly amused. “She might just do it. She’d rescue us all, given half the chance.”

Aubrey was nearly back at the house when he was met by George, Domnall, and Liv heading out of it.

“Perfect timing!” called George, which was almost entirely the opposite of Aubrey’s own opinion. “We’re heading out on a little walk to explore the grounds before dinner. I’ve asked Hugo and Amy to join us. We’re meeting over this way, by the woodland.”

Aubrey joined the group as they crossed the lawn, heading towards some trees far to the side of the house, a faint smile as much as he could conjure. Domnall greeted him affably, obviously refreshed from his nap, and Liv gave him a sunny smile.

“What an appetite all this outdoor air gives,” she said to Aubrey, dropping back from Domnall to walk beside him. “Such a pity poor Evie won’t be able to join in properly tonight at dinner. Where is she, by the way? I thought you two were inseparable. Except last night, of course, when the boring business talk began. She probably doesn’t understand any of it, though, does she? Just what does she do, by the way? Or is she one of those lucky ones who doesn’t need to work at all? I think my brain would wither away if I didn’t use it.”

“Much like your heart?” Aubrey asked pleasantly.

Liv just laughed up at him, teeth very white against pink plump lips. He could still remember exactly how they felt. On every part of him. He could call immediately to mind any possible image of Liv: naked, clothed, wet, sandy, wind-blown,neat, nervous, drunk, giggling, crying, panting his name on all fours if he bloody wanted. He’d known her in every possible way a man could know a woman. Every way a heart could connect, bared, open… He’d held her in his arms on a drowsy afternoon and listened as she told him she wanted his children, and the deepest, softest parts of him had shattered deeper still in pure joy, because it was the greatest wish of his soul made real. But she hadn’t meant it.

He swallowed now, suddenly sick, staring hard at the trees ahead. Liv stayed at his side, walking close, her perfume heavy in the mellow afternoon air.

Maybe it’s a habit,Evie’s voice said in his mind.A really bad one. Like smoking.

Maybe there was something in that. Addiction seemed to describe the helpless need he had, the pathetic ends he went to to hold onto something that was burning him, smarting his eyes, choking his throat, still wanting her while she killed him. He’d stopped fighting it long ago. Accepted this was his flaw. Something to be learned to live with, not fixed. There was only Liv. Had only ever been Liv. Would only ever be—

Try a patch.Evie laughing at him in the night.Some gum.

Perhaps it was pathetic. Perhaps he needed to be laughed at. But she was too young to understand… Except, surely, if there was ever anyone who could love as deeply as he himself had fallen, it was her, ready to love every damn stick and rock and squawking creature. But a dead duck rated more highly with her than he did.Thatgot tears, but his own shot-down heart?Try a patch,she teased.Some gum.He almost laughed at the unfairness, smiled at the memory of teasing mischief, eyes dark in the night—

“You’re not listening, are you?”

He came back to earth, Liv’s hand on his elbow, getting his attention.

“I was saying we should try it again, when we get home.”

“Try what?”

She smiled, putting every possible interpretation into the curve of her lip. “Shooting, of course. We were both naturals at it. Seems like a shame not to do it again.”

Yes. They could book a day out somewhere. Spend a day slaughtering things in the fresh air. Hole up tired and muddy in a hotel. Get a room. Take a bath. Fall into bed together. She wouldn’t care about Domnall. She never did care. And she knew Aubrey wouldn’t tell him.

All those memories stirred, the anticipation of a thousand previous nights together. Sleeping with a woman heloved…Liv’s face, Liv’s body, not some meaningless stranger… It cracked that hardly healed part of him, the one he’d forced into being over the well of deep, grieving loneliness, a pebble falling into the dark, setting off tremors…

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