Page 78 of Love and Loathing

“But… I mean… Not about the garden? Why would you have…? It couldn’t have been…”

Aubrey just looked at her.

She felt swimmy, as though she was going mad. It was insane, the idea that was occurring to her, and she felt embarrassed to say it out loud, because it really, really couldn’t possibly… He definitely couldn’t have…

“Aubrey… Please… Tell me why you were working with these solicitors?”

His jaw twitched. She saw him swallow, and he looked down for a moment, sweeping a crumb off the edge of the counter with a finger. Quite calmly, as though it was very ordinary, he said: “To arrange the purchase of a parcel of land at Laburnum Grove, N16. And transfer it into your legal ownership.”

Her hearing went strange for a moment, sound swooping away then rushing back. “But you… No… You can’t have… Two million pounds, Aubrey…”

“Not quite that much.”

“How much?”

“One point six.” He looked up, met her eye steadily. “Almost exactly the signing bonus I got for securing Domnall White as a client.”

It was hardly the point right now, but she couldn’t help wondering aloud: “That much?”

“He was a very valuable client.”

“Now I know why you wanted him so much.”

Aubrey gave a small, rueful smile. “Yes.”

“But…” she said again, staring at the innocent little envelope in her hand. “I don’t understand. You bought the land?”

“Yes.”

“For me?”

“Yes.”

“But why…? What was that big speech about not caring?”

“I told you. I didn’t care about the garden. Only that you were sad. I thought this might make you happy.”

“A million pounds… I can’t… I can’t accept it. It’s too much.”

“It’s already done.”

She stared at him, completely floored.

His face closed, and he looked away. “This is why I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want this—us, this new chance we have—I didn’t want it to be anything to do with money, or gratitude, or some grand gesture. You weren’t meant to know.”

“I took you there today. You were there. You didn’t say a word… How could you keep something like this a secret?”

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“That’s not what I mean…” But she trailed off, because she had been about to say something about the importance of honesty, openness, and that would be hypocritical, wouldn’t it? When she had her own secret? And unlike his, hers was a shameful one.

“I don’t know what to say,” she said at last, quite honestly. She was sure she should be flying into his arms, weeping tears of joy and gratitude, but the magnitude of the gesture scared her.

“You need a moment to process it. Sit down. I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

She almost laughed at that—tea being the universal cure-all. But she couldn’t seem to do anything at all except walk woodenly to the sofa and sit down. After a moment, Aubrey sat down next to her and silently passed her a cup of tea.

“You’re freaked out,” he said. “It’s understandable. And exactly why I didn’t want you to know.” He smiled a little artificially. “This is why recycling is a terrible idea.”

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