Page 52 of Under His Watch

Oh, my God. They were right.Nina and Eva said this might be the case, that Romeo didn’t want to put pressure on me.

“You’re still getting over the shock of what happened. Trauma isn’t something that can just be swept away or dismissed. Yes, I want you, so fucking much it hurts, but I refuse to put you in a position that will make anything worse, in a position that will hinder how you can get through the trauma you suffered.”

I nodded, both hating that he had to have that consideration and that I was ever raped, but also that he’d taken it to such an extreme of giving metoomuch space. Nothing about how we met was conventional, and I was starting to realize that whatever—if anything—we built going forward wouldn’t be conventional, either.

“Does that make sense?”

“It does. But I don’t want you to hold me at arm’s length.” I stared at him through the haze of the rising steam and contemplated how to tell him that I wanted him to hold me close. “When I asked you to hold me, that… that helped a lot.”

He sighed, dipping his chin to his chest for a moment. When he looked back up at me, I hated the guilt swarming in his eyes.

“That’s my fault, Tess. I’m sorry that I’ve kept my distance, but it’s something I am still trying to work on. This guilt.”

“Guilt?” I shook my head, confused. “Guilt about what?”

“About many things. That I was the one who survived a fight when other Constella brothers died. That I failed to protect those men. It’s fucking me up to realize how close I’d come to almostlosing you and how I nearly failed at protectingyouat that cabin.”

This poor, tortured man. He was so serious, and like I’d suspected for a while now, he kept so much—too much—on his shoulders.

“But you didn’t fail me. Not at all.” I let loose an incredulous laugh. “I don’t see how you ever can. You’ve been nothing but good and generous, so protective of me.”

More than I probably deserve.In a fleeting moment of annoyance, I felt so greedy and self-centered. That every moment that I whined about him not wanting me, I was ungrateful for the security he so freely offered me without any expectations in return.

“If those men had come a moment sooner?—”

“No.” I shook my head. “We’re not playing withwhat-ifs. Anything can happen, Romeo. Anywhere and anyhow. You can’t predict the future. You can’t hold yourself accountable for everything that could go wrong.”

Is that how he lives?

“Or is that part of the job description of being a Mafia prince? Expected to be in control, all the time?”

He looked at me so deeply, I wondered what was going through his mind. “I do like being in control.”

“And when you’re not, it’s not easy to compromise?”

He shrugged his uninjured shoulder. “In psychobabble, that’s probably a big part of it.”

It seemed that he was summarizing a hell of a lot into one statement.How long will you beat yourself up over this guilt for these things that you can’t control?

We both had issues. Him and his overprotectiveness and wanting to be in control. This guilt about failing. Then me with my tendency to shrink inside and manage the trauma of what those men did to me, rendering me a burden to be responsible for. I wanted him to see me as a desirable woman just for the sake of wantingme, who I was as a person, not a thing to handle or secure.

“Is there any chance you can set aside your guilt for me?”

My heart raced at the idea of showing him what I wanted. Excited and giddy, I debated acting on my desire, to show him who I was as a woman, not a responsibility to provide for, an aroused individual who refused to surrender to the fear of rejection.

He dragged his hot stare over me slowly, taking in the flesh that was bare above the water. His attention felt like a molten caress, and I needed to feel it everywhere.

“Any way you can focus on me and what we can have together?”

These words were foreign and risky on my tongue, but I didn’t stop there. Standing in the middle of the hot tub, I rose out of the water. Rivulets of heated liquid streamed over me and left my skin chilled. When I untied my bikini top that I’d borrowed from Nina, my skin reacted with a spread of goosebumps.

“I can.” His voice was husky and deep, full of need as he traced his gaze from my nipples pointing at him, up to my face. Holding his good arm out, he beckoned me to come closer. “Is that what you want?”

“I want you, Romeo. I’ve spent too many days and nights wondering why I was alone in this attraction?—”

“You’re not,” he vowed as he tugged me the rest of the way until I fell in his lap. His erection thrust up at me, but I didn’t have time to say anything. He slammed his lips to mine, kissing me hard and fast. “Not alone, Tessa. You never were.”

He didn’t make another move to kiss me, staring at me with such longing and impatience. But not budging.

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