Page 146 of Unexpected Redemption

As far as apologies go, his was almost as bad as when Mrs. Dykes made Morgan Saliken apologize to her in front of the entire fifth-grade class. The offense? She clapped at the end of Mrs. Dykes’s lecture on the importance of cursive handwriting, then shouted, “I’m clapping because it’s over and not because I liked it.” Her apology was pretty good, though. “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings when I pointed out how boring it was, Elizabeth. I thought you already knew.”

She got in more trouble for using the teacher’s first name.

Anyhow. Where was I?

Oh yeah.Boss Dad’s half-assed attempt at smoothing things over.

After the night we’ve all had, perhaps it’s best to let it go. Talk about it later when we have cooler heads.

Ha. Did you think I was gonna do that? Have you been paying attention at all?

“Tomer would never have let Viktor get away with what he did to me. That’s the difference between you two.”

He shakes his head dismissively. “Do you think Iwantedto let him get away with what he did? Or that I ever had any intention of allowing it?”

Doubts sneak into my cocky bravado like creepy crawlies.

When I don’t respond, he adds, “If Viktor had been the one the architect sent, I would’ve figured out a way to extract the information we needandmake him pay. He wouldn’t have been given a free pass from Redleg. You’re my family in more ways than one. And Idamnsure don’t fail my family. I never have. Never will.”

Well, shit.

My posture sags as guilt floods me. A dozen apologies languish on the tip of my tongue.

Since I still can’t find my words, he keeps layering the guilt. He’s almost as good at this as Mama. “I don’t know when I became the bad guy. And I honestly don’t know what else I can do right now to fix it. I’m barely hanging on these days. I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders. And that’s fine. I chose this life, as I’m often reminded. But I swear I want justice for you as much as anyone else does. Especially knowing you were—” The rest of the sentence gets clogged in his throat, and he makes a coughing sound to clear it.

When I look his way, his face is pinched in obvious pain.

“Knowing I was what?” I prod gently.

“Hurt because of me.”

A shaky gasp escapes my rounded lips.

“Lettie, I know you were hurt because of Lenkov’s feud with Redleg. Decisions I’ve made. It was payback. It was because of me.”

My chin wobbles, and my fingertips dig into my thighs. “Did you figure that out tonight because of what Katia said? Or did someone say something earlier?”

He shakes his head vehemently, rejecting my suggestion. “No. I’ve known. It’s why I... why I’ve struggled to connect with you.”

At this point, I can barely see the road through my rapidly pooling tears. “That’s why you’ve been so closed off?”

“Yeah. Among other reasons. Easier to avoid facing it when I barely know you.” He inhales deeply, the air hissing into his mouth like a cooling balm. “I’ll do better. I mean it, Lettie. I’ll try.”

“I will too.”

Nibbling at my lip, I scan the dashboard and stare out the windshield. I’m unsure what I’m looking for. Perhaps something to stop me from making this situation more emotional.

Sadly, I don’t find the magical thing I’m seeking.

“Can you also try harder with Tomer? He loves you so much, and this whole mess has hurt him for far too long. It’s easy to be mad at him for lying to us, but he didn’t think he had a choice. In his mind, he was protecting you. And me. It got away from him. Haven’t you ever made a mistake before? If you could only?—”

“I failed him.”

My head rears back, surprise socking me in the throat. “What?”

“I’m unable to make peace with him for the same reason I’ve struggled to connect with you. I don’t want to face my fuckup.”

That’s a Violet Holt move right there. He must have his own little land of denial. Wonder what’s inside his. He doesn’t seem like the unicorn and singing monkey type of guy.

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