LETTIE
Denial.
It’s one of my favorite places to be. A magical rainbow land filled with unicorns and fuzzy pink rabbits. Pixies fly freely, raining gummy bears from above. Mermaids swim in the nearby sea, jumping out of the water like dolphins. The clouds are white and fluffy, it’s always sunny, and the temperature is sheer perfection. Garden gnomes come to life and throw parties with big feasts filled with the most delicious foods and all the sweet tea I can drink. No one is sad. No one cries, yells, or has a duck fit.
It’s paradise.
And regrettably, I need to leave this mystical land. Reality calls.
No. Strike that.
Realityhowls, screeches, and bellows at me from the other side of the tranquil sea. When I try to ignore it, reality throws a lasso around me and drags me kicking and screaming.
Reality is a dickhead.
Unfortunately, Tomer wants totalkbefore we get ready for bed. He said it’s important, and he’s been waiting to bring it up for several days.
I’m not claiming to be a psychic, but I can easily predict what he wants to talk to me about. It’s something I’ve been dutifully ignoring all week. Happy to live in denial. Who could blame me? It’s so fantastic there. Did I mention the purple monkeys who sing in a barber shop quartet?
Once we’re settled in our favorite position on the couch, with me straddling him and his hands on my waist, he gives me the sweetest kiss.
Seizing the opportunity to avoid the dreaded talk, I attempt to get him swept up in my body.
But he stops me. Thrice.
The determined butt face.
“Fine. We can talk.” With an annoyed huff, I collapse onto his chest. Immediately, I jerk backward when pain stabs into my entire upper body. “Oof. That hurt.”
“What hurt, sugar? Your ribs?”
“No. They’re fine.” I cover my breasts with my forearms like I’m giving them a hug. “My boobs hurt.”
His face hardens into the same expression he had when he told me we had totalk. Same look he’s worn each time I’ve mentioned feeling queasy. Damn big mouth of mine, flapping everything that’s happening in my head without censoring my words. Now, I have no choice but to face reality.
Ew.
“Do you want some ice for them?” he asks, the adorable dolt.
Unable to restrain myself, I bust out in a big guffaw. “Lawd, no. I ain’t gonna ice my boobs. They’re just tender. It’s probably time for my period.” Said the denying denier from denial land.
He grimaces, but I try one last time to throw him off the trail. “I bet my period is late because of stress. That’s happened before.”
Yes, I realize tender boobs and nausea are symptoms of pregnancy. I’m not an idiot. Plus, I did a web search the only other time I left denial this week. The results didn’t suit me, so I climbed onto my unicorn and flew back into the clouds.
Now I’m staring into the hypnotic turquoise eyes of the man yanking me down to earth.
I can’t be mad at him for it. He’s doing the responsible thing by facing it. Whereas I’m doing the Lettie thing. If you’re unclear what mythingis, see above.
“Lettie, this is hard to talk about, and I have no idea how you’re going to react.” The steadiness of his voice keeps me grounded. “No matter what happens, don’t forget I’m here for you. Always. Okay?”
I run my palms over his chest and shoulders. “I know, babe.”
“Right. So here it goes.” His shoulders radiate tension, and he speaks with a determined slowness. “Remember before the...” A short pause as he bites his words and rephrases. “Remember when we watched the recording from our anniversary and had that little no-condom accident?”
“I had forgotten about it for a while, all things considered. But yes, I remember.”
“Lately, I’ve noticed you’ve been nauseous quite often. And now the tender breasts. It feels like it’s been more than a month since your period.”